Not really about being a ladies’ man or anything much deeper than a compliment for an old guy in your life. It would certainly fit well for a master of the Irish exit, but any man would appreciate this shirt as a gift whether he’s a heartbreaker or divorced or even happily off the market [...]
They’re here. And they’re getting LOUDER. Now they scream through your spine at a frequency that’s contorting your brains like a fist sized tumor.
You put your money in bitcoin and now it’s crashing, again. The market waited until your last DCA was in to start shedding apocalyptic digits. DOMP EET. This shirt doesn’t offer sympathy. It’s more of a visual shrug. A mildly humorous nod to your financial decisions, made in optimism, fueled by memes, and now quietly [...]
There’s something alchemical about righteous rage wrapped in sweetness. The shirt offers a benediction and a curse in the same breath, a kind of spiritual black juju with glitter on top. It’s less “turn the other cheek” and more “try me and meet your maker.” Whether you wear it in defiance, as a joke, or [...]
This shirt dares people to engage, even though both parties know exactly where the conversation is going. You’re either about to launch into a full, shameless monologue about your DIY audio empire — or you’re holding a mirror up to the cultural plague of endless, unsolicited podcast pitches. It belongs to a certain kind of [...]
You’ve read between the lines, and you’re still grinning. Most people won’t get it. The ones who do will laugh a little too hard. People will ask about it, and when they do, you get to decide whether to explain it or just let them wonder if you’re serious. The only good bug is a [...]
You can’t read it and carry on with your day unbothered. It latches onto your brain and refuses to let go. There’s something about the blunt absurdity of it that feels both disturbing and weirdly comforting. Is it an invitation to explore? The line hangs there, innocent and menacing at once. It reads like a [...]
Please Notice. The world’s top elite female pleasure operative is in the vicinity. Professional joyquake distributor. Tell a female friend, she doesn’t have to bring money or anything. The climax conductor is ready for her. Warnings, Hazard: Made in Honduras
Don’t be fooled by its fluffy appearance; the Ether Bunny isn’t out for candy. A twist on the classic Easter Bunny lore, this shirt blends the whimsy of childhood traditions with the controversial field of ether assisted kidnapping. Perfect for those who appreciate bringing a touch of dark humor to parent-teacher conferences.
Pablo Escobar’s unmistakable, boyish smirk is somewhere between charm and menace. Beneath him is printed a stark and unapologetic Cocaína. And in the background, pulsing through the neon glow of some late-night dive bar, Kill The Noise & Feed Me’s hit song I Do Coke is sounding out: “I do coke, so I can work [...]
This shirt is like a filter for conversation, designed less to attract attention than to repel the wrong kind. Like leaving a book with a cracked spine on the edge of your desk, hoping someone will recognize it and know what it means. It’s not clear whether the wearer is endorsing these ideologies or simply [...]
This shirt is for people who believe interstellar diplomacy should involve fewer treaties and more toys. It’s the kind of thing you wear when you’ve fully embraced the fact that Earth is an open mic night for sentient weirdos, and you’re just here to get abducted or do the abducting. It suggests a being who’s [...]
You’ve seen enough, done enough, and honestly, you just want the universe to hit the exit to desktop button on your existence. Maybe you’ve reached your limit after the last round of “What are you doing with your life?” from well-meaning relatives. Or after the constant barrage of motivational quotes flooding your social media feed. [...]
The most strains on the market. Maximally lethal juice. I’ve been trying and failing to get investors for this, so here’s a shirt instead.
This shirt is a prophecy bound to the architects of balance and the keepers of the great cosmic receipts. Karma doesn’t care for your excuses, nor does simple probability. The IOUs will be coming due — in a big way — even if you were too stupid to see it coming. This shirt is for [...]
Did we leap joyfully into the passenger seat, thinking we were going somewhere wonderful, only to find ourselves abandoned in some celestial Walmart parking lot, waiting for a mercy that may or may not arrive? Maybe God just ran in for a quick errand. Maybe He got distracted. Maybe He isn’t coming back. Maybe the [...]
Even in the most serene and out of the place villages, the world is a 24/7 battlefield. I’m talking about the quiet war of hesitation, self-doubt, and the invisible chains of expectations. Every day, you’re told to ask permission, to follow the well-lit path someone else paved, and to autistically adhere to a whole bunch [...]
Crafted for the true kings and queens of the digital world, the masters of savage tweets, the lords of clapbacks. You drop bombs in comment sections that send boomers into cardiac arrest, then log off like it’s nothing. Because this isn’t the medieval age and the real battlefield these days is on the screen. Time [...]
The doo-wop keeps you cultured; the shanking keeps you feared. Millennials might roll their eyes and nervously clutch their $450 avocado toasts, but deep down, they know you’re a relic from a more rugged, unhinged era…one where people settled disputes with melee weapons and a well-timed jitterbug to the liver. This shirt has received prestigious [...]
Bluhh! Dracula, the once-dreaded count of Transylvania, has decided to switch things up. Gone are the days of creeping through dark castles and summoning storms. Now he’s hanging out at the gas station and making sure everyone gets a little bit of that legendary succ. This is a creature of the night who knows how [...]
A flicker on a radar screen, a whistleblower with a suspiciously well-rehearsed story, a grainy video that cuts to black at just the right moment… The UFO mythos isn’t about visitors from another world. It’s about control. Nothing distracts quite like the promise of the impossible, dangled just out of reach. The men in suits [...]