So I'm still quite like you, I'm 14, but i've got this horrible fear from love. I like boys and I flirt a lot even if they're just friends but when my crush start liking me back and tries to move me to relationship I get scared, i have a sick feeling inside, fear, panicked and try to get rid of them even if i like him like mad.
My life turns upside down at these situations and it feels like its even hard to breathe. I don't know how i get boys to fall in love with me and when they are really nice to me and give everything they have i want to get them as far as i can from me. i start being mean and rude to them even if i don't mean it, it's just a way how to get them to keep the distance.
I find it really hard to talk about my feelings and i hate it when people say "I love you" to me, it makes me disgusted. i don't even like it when my own mother loves me and says it and I hate to tell her that I love her.
I enjoy being alone and i don't mind not being loved by males. i feel like i could live all my life alone because love brings fear in me and i don't enjoy it, it pressures me. But i don't like to hurt people because of my fear so I don't know how to help myself with this.
I'm really insecure and quiet so people don't get to know me and don't have a chance to get close to me. I'm in fear right now as well because a boy has fallen in love with me but i don't feel anything for him and i don't want relationship, i need space and freedom.