You are transported back to the exact spot you are in right now to the year 1500
How fucked are you?
You are transported back to the exact spot you are in right now to the year 1500
How fucked are you?
Falling into your wing while paragliding is called 'gift wrapping' and turns you into a dirt torpedo pic.twitter.com/oQFKsVISkI— Mental Videos (@MentalVids) March 15, 2023
Either worshipped or burnt alive as a sacrifice by injuns.
or by slim chance I’ll be rescued by Ponce de Leon in 13 years.
Unless you live in the region near the Mexican border, you wouldn't be killed as a sacrifice. Just plain killed.
I get speared to death by indios.
name a better duo
nice try FBI
Anyway like most cities, outside the center it'd have been just fields or wilderness I guess. That said I'd be within walking distance to a respectable medieval European town so it could be worse.
I'd fall to my death and die.
There's a decent chance I'd just die of thirst and hunger without ever seeing another man. But if I did encounter people, they'd be Comanche Indians, so I guess I'm getting scalped.
I would get eaten by wild animals or injuns
Getting booty raped by Native Americans wishing I was in Europe
>be in the jungle in the middle of nowhere.
>Crocodile eats me.
Most likely Freeze to death
I'll be able to meet my serf ancestors and hopefuly they won't try to kill me.
Raped by Turks
Eaten by Maoris
Not very. If anyone saw me materialize out of thin air, I'd just tell them that God sent me. The more witnesses, the better.
How would you justify what happened from a Roman Catholic perspective if the Church gets their hands on you? If I were in that position, I'd just say I'm a Catholic and that God sent me to warn people about what would happen in the future.
>southwestern Germany 1500
shortly before the reformation and the peasants' war, might be conscripted to fight against the Ottomans too
first of all, there's an 'Iman of sus' in the lower left corner. I find that name funny.
then: the spelling of various hungarian city names is sus, although not iman of. Kolozsvár is Kolozsvár, and although in 1500 it would have been spelt "koloswar", it was never spelt "Koloszvar". "Szabolcs" likewise would have been spelt 'zabolch' but never "Szabolcz". it's as if someone forced Polish spelling on those names.
at least Szatmár, where I grew up, is spelt correctly. would have been 'zathmar' or 'zothmar' at that time, depending on the native dialect of the author, but the contemporary spelling is indeed Szatmár.
Gonna have enough time to save Pope Clement VII
I fall from the 5th floor and land in a field, forest or suburban village within walking distance of a major Hanseatic city so I guess die of some disease, if I survive.
Unlike new world homosexuals though I at least speak the same language as the people there.
or hopefully they treat me as one of their ancestors who came back, which happened to some other guy.
Completely fucked since I live in Australia
Well first of all I’m on a second floor so id fall, not too far I could survive. Then I would probably wander a bit until either I encounter animals that will kill me on sight or the locals who will probably think I’m a supernatural entity or someone from another tribe. They would probably butcher me or dismiss me and send me of to die in the wilderness.
Not at all, I’d have to walk for like 5 minutes to reach the city
I will most probably get beheaded while my wife is raped for refusing Islam during turk army movements in my homeland
Your wife wasn’t part of this. Why did you insert her in this scenario just to be raped
>cuck rape phantasies
Mein nigga, only you are teleported there...
>>gets stuck in a tree and suffocates
>How fucked are you?
extremely. my sect of christianity did not exist back then and I am ignorant of even the rudiments of participation in catholic liturgy. at that time this here country was an oppressive theocracy, so ...
A lot of peasants in buttfuck nowhere were ignorant about basic church shit, just LARP as them and be like "i was never taught how to :("
DESU, the biggest problem for him and everyone ITT really is how to play having a strange accent and behaving/looking strange.
Even after ditching your clothes, it would be hard to explain your origins in a way that would satisfy people. You'd seem too familiar with the language and culture to pretend to be from a foreign country, and yet you couldn't possibly hope to blend in. Even speaking your schoolboy French wouldn't necessarily work and could be even more awkward, as learned people able to speak it could be dangerously curious and get you into trouble.
Yeah kek, if I were in that position I really guess all I could do is pretend to be sent by God while trying not to piss off the local authorities. I seriously don't see what else I could do. Just comply really, unlike popular tropes the authorities (especially ecclesiastical church) often avoided killing people except when absolutely necessary.
I'd also be doubly fucked if I was in anywhere but Britain, considering while I'd probably be able be mostly understood by 1500s English speakers, I'd have to wait for some English merchant or something if I was somewhere else. Or some member of the clergy that came from Britain.
I'm in Ireland, and I legitimately wonder how many people spoke English at the time. I suppose since I'm in Dublin I should be fine.
Why don't you speak Irish?
Hardly any Irish people can speak any language other than English
I'm aware; I'm asking why. Why have you not learned your nation's language?
there's more to it than that. 1500 was a long time ago, and my native language changed somewhat in the time - certainly enough that I could at best sound like some foreigner who learned it from a spastic. I'd understand them with minimal effort, I have reason to think, but I could not pretend to be a native speaker.
besides, we are talking about a very closed and paranoid society. you had to have a provable reason to be where you were and to be doing what you were doing, or the authorities were in their rights to assume some sort of worst alternative - criminal fleeing the hangman, spy of the Turks, child trafficker of the israelites, you name it - and act accordingly even if none of those could be proven, because if you could not provide your raison d'etre, you surely were either one of those alternatives or something equally sinister they could not even think of. some city constitutions stipulated execution of wagrants, although typically they were just chasen out of town or enslaved, sort of. city rules from 200 years later forbid people to leave their courtyard after sunset without a lamp and even then they were only allowed to depart to a distance of four houses, except for priests and midwives. paranoia reigned very high.
pretty much the only way to stay above suspicion was to be able to represent yourself as a foreign nobleman with much money, and do this in a large city. this would also have been a delicate matter, because if you were a weird stranger with a lot of money, you were obviously a successful highwayman. if you had little entourage, you could be targeted by actual robbers. plus, you'd have to pass among noblemen, which is a separate mountain of shibboleths.
I don't think blending in would have worked.
there's a fascinating story about what such a case could look like, though. this happened in my beloved 17th century, and I quote it from - faulty - memory. a woman was found somewhere on a riverbank in Germany who wasn't known to anyone in the vicinity and did not speak the language. after much investigation, including testing if she recognized christian paraphernalia - she did, everyone relaxed slightly - they determined that she was Hungarian and found a translator - this is the century when Hungarian protestant pastors regularly studied in Germany or Holland, so they probably just grabbed the first drunk student off the street who had at least two feathers in his hat or something. she gave her name, city, street address etc. and stated that she suddenly found herself on the riverbank where she was collected by the Germans, without any intervening travel experience or anything. a letter was sent to the Hungarian city in question, and the city magistrate replied that no such street or such family existed in that city, then or before. there's no end to the story, we don't know what happened to her afterwards.
where can I read about this? Love this kind of stuff
I only know I've read it in one of the books of a Hungarian lawyer who wrote and practiced in the first half of the XXth century. His name was Ráth-Végh István, and unfortunately I don't recall the book title. He wrote a great shitload of essays on funny but marginal historical topics like attempts to change Hungarian grammar by fiat, medieval traveller's practices, love letter styles through the centuries, idiosynchrasies of German principates' laws or various mass hysteria. these were collected and published in a lot of volumes, and I think I must have read all of them - pretty much grew up with them, had a huge repository of historical trivia at my command before I turned 10, but now I don't recall the volume in question. I don't think his works were ever translated to any foreign language.
>I don't think his works were ever translated to any foreign language.
Ah, too bad, it sounds fun
time to kino
I'd be in a comfy merchant city in the adriatic.
theres high chance I would be hanged
>How fucked are you?
If I don't catch malaria (this being a former marshland), I should be reasonably fine. The wars with Ottomans we are going to lose are another thing.
Pretty fucked. For one thing, I don't speak a word of Onondaga and have no practical skills for surviving in Precolumbian North America. (I considered studying Onondaga when I was in high school, as some of my classmates were Onondaga, but I never did- guess I should have when I had the chance.) And, in the more immediate term, I'm on the second floor of a house that wasn't built yet.
Wait, fuck, 1522 isn't precolumbian, I can't math. But I don't think there were much in the way of European settlements in this area yet? Not sure.
Oh yes, and I forgot to mention my medication which I'd have no good way of accessing. I wouldn't literally die, but my quality of life would suffer quite a bit.
Theres a great chance my body would be inside of a tree
Comfortably chilling behind the walls of the Pale
Based fellow Dubposter, I'm in the Norfside
same, possibly not worse than today
I'd probably be worshipped by Guarani natives because unlike most Brazilians nowadays, I'm fascinated by their culture and knowledgeable on it. I'd LARP as Nhanderuvuçu. I don't speak their language though, I only know the myths.
If the LARP goes wrong but I somehow don't get killed, I'd have to walk for days in thick jungle to reach the shore. 1500 is the year Europeans arrived, and I speak their language.
I would find myself hanging out with California Native Americans.
I pick up vocabulary fairly quickly, and am passionate enough that I could be speaking Ohlone in a under a year. But I'm sure that goes for 2/3rds of the thread.
I get eaten by a grizzly
Dodging Iroquois and probably building a boat to find a nice safe Island. Create some cool shit, offer it to them in exchange for safety and skinny injun gal.
Well I'm currently upstairs in bed. So I'd probably just appear suspended some 20 feet up in the air above an Irish meadow/wood - then immediately fall and break both my legs. Probably pretty fucked
Im probably too white to be in tenochtitlan and cant speak nahuatl so im porbably getting sacrificed, but at least i would be able to gaze upon the city in its heyday
I would be buried alive by dirt so presumably suffocate
>spawn at least 10ft in the air above a field in Midlothian
I think I'd be fine if I survived the fall. My Latin's a little rusty and my Scots is poor at best, but I think I could pass myself off as a lost knight or something with a bit of work
In 1620, a bunch of colonists around here were greeted in English, but 1500 is a bit early for that.
Try to integrate with the locals, most likely get killed or just starve 'cause I'm a cityfag and don't know how to hunt, fish, or grow crops. If I get past the initial language problem well enough (all I know of Massachusett are a few toponyms) I'll try to make myself useful by communicating the concept of writing.
Biggest problem would be communicating with the locals, in my area at that time the local language was a now extinct dialect of English which would make it difficult for me to understand the locals and vice versa. My ability to speak fluent Irish would possibly be helpful as well given that the language would still have been present in this area due to migrants/traders from the Gaelic territory beyond the Pale but again I’d run into difficulty due to them speaking now lost dialects. If I did manage to overcome the language barrier my biggest worry would be finding work and lodging, which might be hard given that I don’t know a trade. Worst case scenario I’d end up begging or stealing for a living.
I am currently taking a shit in the second floor of my house. I'll probably fall, break my legs, and either starve to death, get eaten by a bear or killed by savage Injuns. I would die sitting in a pile of my own shit. Absolutely horrifying.
I don't think your shit would teleport with you Anon
I know roughly which directions to go to find areas that would be built up at the time, but I think I'd need a while before I could work out the AD1500 dialect of Strathclyde.
I am getting fucked by the local Chief’s daughter/my new waifu heyahoyaheyaheya
>falling from four stories high in the middle of a subtropical jungle
>In the middle of the bush
>Nearrst town wouldn't be founded for another 100 years
>Far from nearest river, almost coastal too
>Nomadic natives probably wouldn't even ser me
I'm probably phased into a tree trunk.
>near the beach, eastern NSW
Eh wildlife won't be too much an issue and I'd easily dominate the natives and get a qt abo wife and become tribal chief or whatever
Probably dead within minutes in the vacuum of space as the earth is likely nowhere near the exact same position
>Middle of Tennessee
I'm in some shit. With luck the indians mistake me in my modern garb for some kind of god, and I can spend the rest of my life living in relative luxury as a revered spirit while fucking all their hairy pocahontases.
If I could figure out their heathen language perhaps I could teach them basic hygiene, water purification, and metalworking. Sadly I don't know how to make firewater.
The people post-missipian collapse were not serfs or peasants, I find it hard to believe they wouldn't know the tenants of basic hygiene but I wouldn't know.
even I could read that as your meaning, the defeatist yet noble Irish.
>not living in a place that has been inhabited by your people for 5,000 - 10,000 years
Do Americans really?
>Do Americans really?
Do we what? Innovate and create the greatest civilization that ever existed instead of remaining peons, cowering in the "sure thing" like a bunch of pussies?
>innovate and create
Let's not kid ourselves here. Anything of worth in that country is European in everything but location.
>peyote is European
>hunting and fishing is European
I wish we took inspiration from you Europe's where it actually mattered, like public health and infrastructure
>implying that your ancestors didn’t constantly genocide/replace your other ancestors endlessly over that time period
im getting fucked by the turks
Living in a Riga commie block rn, so I'd end up a few kilometres outside the city walls among my countrymen who didn't live in the german city as much back then.
Not really fucked. My country was under ottoman controll in the year 1500. albanians were very cooperative with the ottomans and they liked us because we converted to islam quickly.
Unironically I could manage to survive if the natives leave me alone or if I avoid them.
I would find the Potawatomi tribe near me and join them. Even though they had a history of killing Europeans during Pontiac's rebellion. Since it is the year 1500 this is long before most of the European expansion into the area. Either I starve to death alone or try to become injun. What have I got to lose?
outskirts of a city in Spain, would fall off like 15m (50 feet) which in freefall gives me a velocity of 275 km/h (170 mph) so I'd die unless a tree or old building or convenient cart of hay caught me, or if the elevation of the area back then was significantly higher.
if I somehow survive that fall and can heal fully, then work for a bit as and I'm off to the Indies -probably an indentured servant for a few years but that's fine since the good thing will come in a while anyway- knowing full well that its going well, im very jabbed so id do above average diseasewise as well.
I'd either go to the second Cortés or Pizarro's expeditions or tell my kids to go/invest into them and not the countless others that failed. then spend my days on a Cuban estate drinking rum, smoking the first tobacco cigars while trying to cope with how much I miss everyone I knew
btw there's a dynamic version of the game where you look at the time and get tpd to that year.
if its 03:45 you go to the year 345 aC; 14:32 to the year 1432
big downside is that you're not able to tp to any decade from 60 to 90, idk if anyone here has a patch for that
I'd awaken in the grounds of a Yorkshire parish church with knowledge of the history of my country to go to the local Serjeant, then the Lord and then perhaps the King in exchange for land, money and exotic black poon.
I'm on the second floor so I'd fall to the ground and probably break my spine or something OP
I'd be living under the Mamluks.
>Pants down on a shitter
Yeah pretty fucked. Would probably kill myself tbh.
I'd be fugged
>2 km from the city gates of the Free Imperial City of Augsburg
16th century German will be a problem, but if I get the hang of it, I will be considered the greatest scientist that ever lived, introducing classical mechanics and electromagnetism centuries earlier.
Is it that different from modern German? At least in English I can mostly read things written then but for a few words here and there, which you could ask for clarification on in conversation. The pronunciation was different, but no worse than talking to someone with a strange accent. Has German changed that much more?
16th century German is very understandable (in writing at least). I think 16th century English and 21st English are about as similar as 16th century German and 21st century German. But you would stick out.
But the more I think of it, there were extreme regional differences, you could excuse yourself by claiming you are from some Bohemian village or some German island to explain your extremely strange accent.
Yes, and English was similarly varied. It helps that I have some idea of how the accent of that time differed from ours, and once I heard it myself I could try to imitate it even more closely.
Many such cases!
just spin a magnet inside a copper coil, man. it's not hard
Where would you find metal pure enough to produce that in 1500?
I don't think you need particularly high quality metal to make a wire
Would it be pure enough to cause the spin required to generate electricity though?
the spin has to come from another source, like a waterwheel and gears to speed it up.
I said the wrong thing, my concept of electromagnetism is off a little. I meant would the metal in the two be pure enough to generate an electric current?
>I don't think you need particularly high quality metal to make a wire
naked wire does not work in a coil, it must be insulated wire. how do you produce insulation?
>naked wire does not work in a coil
Who told you that?
I have a degree in physics.
Yes, but could you teach to literal medieval artisans? Newton himself hasn't been born for ~150 years
That's why I lowballed and only said classical mechanics and (basic) electromagnetism. To just suddenly have to remember and rebuilt everything from scratch with NO help whatsoever would be extremely hard. It helps to at least know that it's true and what the goal actually is.
I likely get kicked out by my ancestors for trespassing their lands. Our languages are somewhat intelligible though.
Checking maps, it seems my village was already marked on local maps at least since 1570
They probably spoke a different language back then, but I guess I can manage
From my "home" I could probably reach the oldest church (still standing today) and ask for help there
>1500 in Florida
Die of malaria if the Seminoles don't kill me first
If I was sufficiently pathetic with my bug bites and gator wounds they might take me in and I could make a friend or two, maybe even take a cute wife, but they probably would just send me on my way.
Not fucked at all, actually. In fact, I would be within the bounds of my local lord's silver mining outpost
Brother I'm on the 8th floor I'll spawn in the fucking air.
Not really, just an average city in the HRE.
Why not just stay honest? Chances are you'll get killed or enslaved if you try to pass off as a foreigner or whatever. No matter how good you think your disguise is, you will be found out and you having been dishonest will raise even more suspicion. Criminal on the run? Ottoman spy? You'd hang even sooner by lying.
Stay honest, run to some monastery and tell them (or make them understand) that you're from the future. You have no idea how you got there, but you'll make no trouble and even share some insights if they feed and protect you.
I'd do that too. People always assume you'd get killed outright, but people back then weren't the dumb savage hicks everyone makes them out to be.
Assuming you're in Europe, go to the nearest village and make the sign of the cross. Eventually people will figure you out and direct you to the nearest monastery. Go there and tell or gesture them that you're from the future, that you don't know how you got there, and that you'd like to return there somehow. You'll cause no trouble and only ask for something to eat and maybe a place to stay. And in the meantime until you've figured out how to return, you'll show them your gratitude and teach them some kneat knowledge from the future. They'll believe you as soon as you show them the most basic highschool chemistry experiments. Eventually the news will spread and not only will the local lord let you keep your head, he'll probably even tell you to join his court as a scholar. And then you'll go down in history as the greatest intellectual of all times.
Just don't be an idiot by causing any displeasure. You don't even need to know the local customs or laws. They know you're a stranger to this time. Be nice and polite, and apologize should you ever commit a social misstep.
But absolutely do make sure to not cause any suspicion that you might be a heretic, or worse, a heathen or satan worshipper or whatever. Don't tip your fedora to people and lecture them about how there is no god and shit. Appear as a devout Catholic like everyone else. Go to mass on Sunday. They'll probably even find it somewhat endearing that you're not praying in Latin.
Oh, and also don't sign your death warrant by babbling about human rights or democracy or some stupid shit like that.
At the end of the day, just use some common sense, and chances are high that you'll survive.
>They'll believe you as soon as you show them the most basic highschool chemistry experiments
>But absolutely do make sure to not cause any suspicion that you might be a heretic, or worse, a heathen or satan worshipper or whatever
>medieval retards think everything more sophisticated than a plow must be magic
1500 might be a problem; but I was thinking the other day that if I got transported to my exact spot in 1837, I could take over the world.
Bay area CA. I'm Taiwanese. Will the natives think I'm one of them? They looked asian-ish....
got a tattoo with an upside down cross as a small part of a larger design
reckon i would have to take a knife to myself very quickly and sort that out
otherwise i reckon i could get by fine in 1500s lincoln
language wouldn’t be THAT different
>got a tattoo with an upside down cross as a small part of a larger design
St. Peter Cross, you mean?
I fear the real problem might be the rest of your tattoo, or maybe, the fact of having one in the first place
Very fucked. Nothing but forests and fields and bloodthirsty indians
I mean no Europeans settled my area until the 1750s so I'd probably have to chill with some natives. I'm pretty fucked.
Still sitting comfy on me island with me missus, a longbow and a fookin sausage roll
quasi fucked. I'd have to dig myself out from about 5 feet underground and fashion a crude spear without stone or metal. but game, water, and forage would be abundant, and sometime early fall one of the Sioux or Omaha tribes will be passing through and I can fall in with them before dying of some bullshit disease or infection at the ripe age of 40.
Joseon Dinasty would be comfy but not sure how would they react to seeing a white person for the first time
I live in the middle of Hopi territory, so I'd need to go try and join them. If I succeed and manage to make myself useful, there's a small chance that I survive long enough to see the first Spaniards come in around ~1540. Might be a bit of a mindfuck for the conquistadors to encounter a random white guy on top of a mesa.
Or the Hopi just kill me and my skull later gets confused for that of a conquistador by archaeologists a few centuries later.
Don't worry, liberal academia says the Natives were all peace-loving, you'd be perfectly fine
one super weirdo individual with fucked up skin making funny noises and pointing at things would probably at worst be left alone and shunned. Novelty has a value different from what you get raiding.
I would be in the wilderness outside of the walls of my hometown. This district was only built in the 1980's
OH, BOY! VIETNAMESE/AFRICAN/INDIAN/INDIAN WOMEN, HERE I CUM!
>The only notable date for my island is 1565
>Abundance of fish, wild game, wild fruits, and tube
Maybe fine? or probably get captured as a slave soo
Fall to my death from 50 feet in the air
y'know what I was thinking about a lot of other parts of this question regarding linguistics, trying to adapt to the technology and so on but yeah, you're absolutely right, I'd be destined for the same fate as you
i guess it wouldn't be *guaranteed* death considering I might be able to break my fall with tree branches/leaves but the odds of survival are quite low
I live in Norway.
I would spawn in the forest, but I could just walk towards Drammen, and eventually meet farms along the way.
But an issue is that I would have no money or connections. It eould be difficuilt to for example get food and such.
>gets run over by 1000 bison
I guess I carry a shit ton of diseases back and learn that I'm actually responsible for the hohokam people disappearing
I'd end up among the most fertile vvheat fields in the country. just before harvest in a peaceful era of growth. Assuming the pox doesn't get me before I find a reliable doctor to inoculate me I would be fine. It would be largely up to my wits to get ahead.