I was born in the 80s. My parents were neglectful abusive baby boomers. Dad was physically violent to mom and I, mom was an extreme alcoholic. I never had friends, always bullied in school. In 1999 at the age of 16 I was hit by a car while on my bicycle and fell into a coma. I woke up from this coma in 2018. I am now in my 30s, my dad has passed away, my mom is elderly and mentally vacant but at least no longer alcoholic. I don't know how to function in life, how to work, what job to get, nothing pays enough to feel worth it and I don't like this world I've woken up to. Everything seems like a bad nightmare. I don't know what to do and don't think I have the strength of will or desire to do something if I did know. I really don't want to be alive but don't want to die. I only wish I hadn't woken up from the coma. I have no friends, no guidance, never had a girlfriend and now it's too late for all that. I've been to therapy and recovery programs but they just don't help and I feel insecure around adults, too shy to talk much. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I lose my mind and feel I'm going insane, I can't help but rock back and forth pulling my hair or something. It really feels crazy. I don't know how to explain the feeling right, just want it to all stop.