Wish I was straight

>be me, lesbian
>always thought I was bi, had relationships with guys before I figured it out
>they made it so easy
>were always super eager, communicative, made me feel special
>nevertheless, the relationships never quite feel right
>figure out why, cos I'm not actually bi
>switch over to trying to date women
>it's like pulling teeth
>no one seems to be trying at all
>just get ghosted and flaked on constantly
>years of trying have amounted to nothing
>almost 30 and never been able to have any kind of significant relationship with another woman
>start to really resent being gay
>just wish I could go back to dating guys, but I'm not really attracted to them and don't want to put any of them through that
Anyone else ever felt this way? I was pretty popular with guys, but lesbian women treat me like a leper. What do I do about it? How can I fix this?

  1. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    date a butch or nonpassing ftm theyre malebrained and act like guys but still have the woman aesthetic. if you dont mind dick then just date a transbian. or just keep dating normal women until you find the right one idk. i dont really know how the lesbian dating scene is. i once checked lesbian twitter and they were all whining like you are.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I'm certainly open to dating butch women. Not really FtMs, as, again, I'm not into guys. I'm also open to dating trans women, too. Where do you even find women to date in the first place? I can't even get dates; they all ghost me long before that point.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        I'm cis butch, and personally I keep running into MtFs off irl lgbt events and parties. There's always Tinder and Her too, as per usual.

        I'm definitely the type to put in relationship effort, if the person is compatible with me and (bluntly speaking) I get enough sex. Lots of old-school butches are the same way, although they're dying out somewhat, so I'm a bit rarer as an early-twenties butch, but we still exist. Meanwhile, MtFs are definitely very eager.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Interesting. How do you find these lgbt events and parties? I went to pride this year, but didn't really meet anyone?? I'm really not the best at social stuff, but I'm doing my best.
          Compatibility is definitely important for me, too. I feel, I don't even get to the part where you assess whether you're compatible or not. It's like everyone has 100ft high walls up, you know?

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I looked up lgbt meetups on meetup.com, also, google for lgbt organisations in your area which hold social events, there's a org in my area which updates me regularly on lgbt events in my region. I like meetups and mixers like that where I get to know a few people, and then I meet more people through them. Once I met an ftm at a meetup.com meetup, he introduced me to his mtf friend, I got invited to her house parties, and I met even more people from that.

            These organised meetups/mixers can be a good place for directly finding a date, but they are a good jumping-off platform for finding people for organically growing your social circle

            Other times I go to lgbt nightclub events, like there's a monthly lesbian event for wlw to drink and dance. I usually dont succeed in picking anyone up from such environments which emphasize dancing over talking, but I know people who have been successful

            • 3 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              Ah, this is all great advice! I'll check out meetup and see if there's any orgs in my area for this kind of thing. I'm super not opposed to making friends and meeting someone organically!
              Thanks for your help anon.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        I'm cis butch, and personally I keep running into MtFs off irl lgbt events and parties. There's always Tinder and Her too, as per usual.

        I'm definitely the type to put in relationship effort, if the person is compatible with me and (bluntly speaking) I get enough sex. Lots of old-school butches are the same way, although they're dying out somewhat, so I'm a bit rarer as an early-twenties butch, but we still exist. Meanwhile, MtFs are definitely very eager.

        tinder mtfs are usually hons who got banned from lesbian apps for being too ugly and unpassing or rapey dont bother with them. only stick with trannies who're on lesbian/lgbt dating apps(except taimi it sucks)

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Do dating apps actually work? That's been my primary way of finding folks, and it's been a total dumpster fire. Been on Her, mostly.

          in vermont but i travel all the time bc i have a good job and get flight benefits for free

          Ah nuts, that's all the way across the country... I'm sorry, I can't do ltr for very personal reasons. I wish you the best, though!

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >can't do long distance
            wahh thats okay. ive always wanted an older gf but im autistic and can't talk to older women for the life of me, not to mention i have no way of gauging if they're okay with trans women (or younger for that matter)

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      As a gnc/butch lesbian I can second this.

      I'm certainly open to dating butch women. Not really FtMs, as, again, I'm not into guys. I'm also open to dating trans women, too. Where do you even find women to date in the first place? I can't even get dates; they all ghost me long before that point.

      Go to your local gay club/bar. It will be full of butch women.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        do lesbians visit gay bars? i thought it was just for gay guys.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Most "gay bars" nowadays really just mean LGBT bars. Lesbians, gay men, transpeople, everyone goes.

  2. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    That sucks. I love being straight

  3. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    almost thirty... op if you don't mind a 20 year old mtf...

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Where are you located?

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        in vermont but i travel all the time bc i have a good job and get flight benefits for free

  4. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Anyone else ever felt this way?
    Anon, that's the average experience for a man. It's not that you're female and a lesbian that makes it special. It's the women who are the problem. Sue me for it, but women have this *special* thing in their brain that fucks up social communities.

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