Why didn't they just dig a tunnel into Mordor?

Why didn't they just dig a tunnel into Mordor?

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  1. 10 months ago
    Anonymous

    Why dint Frodo wear the one ring on his wiener. That way the orcs and ringwraiths couldnt take it off him without being homos.

    • 10 months ago
      Anonymous

      ring too big.

      • 10 months ago
        Anonymous

        The ring changes to the size of the wearer's fingers. Surely it could do the penis?

      • 10 months ago
        Anonymous

        The ring changes size. It would easily fit round a hobbits peepee

        • 10 months ago
          Anonymous

          The ring changes to the size of the wearer's fingers. Surely it could do the penis?

          the ring's diameter cannot be reduced insofar that frodo could wear it around his dick

          • 10 months ago
            Anonymous

            Actually Hobbits have canonically giant wieners there even was this hobbit named three leg or something BHC is real

          • 10 months ago
            Anonymous

            The ring being unable to be worn as a wiener ring is literally noncanonical, if you knew anything about Tolkein's legendarium and weren't just a poser, you would know that wienerring tactics is a bigger plothole than the eagles.

          • 10 months ago
            Anonymous

            >poser
            You CLEARLY haven't read Tolkien's works thoroughly, nor have you read the transcript where he elaborates on the limits of the rings. I do not intend to debate the frodo wiener ring 'plothole' a third time. If any of you actually just read the books and listened to what tolkien had to say about them you wouldn't even be on this board stirring the shit again.

          • 10 months ago
            Anonymous

            >I do not intend to debate the frodo wiener ring 'plothole' a third time.

        • 10 months ago
          Anonymous

          >hobbits peepee

          It is a known fact that hobbits are hung like horses

  2. 10 months ago
    Anonymous

    >like, why wasn’t there a subway installed?
    Oh, good job adding to the meme.

  3. 10 months ago
    Anonymous

    Cause Sauron’s underground brother, Soilron would catch them

    • 10 months ago
      Anonymous

      >the evil forces of Sauron are stirring in the east and the north, threatening all that is good
      >I better go visit my trusted ally, Sauron-man, for help

      Holy frick my sides

  4. 10 months ago
    Anonymous

    >the evil forces of Sauron are stirring in the east and the north, threatening all that is good
    >I better go visit my trusted ally, Sauron-man, for help

    • 10 months ago
      Anonymous

      I know he's a linguist and to him the difference between Sauron and Saruman were clear as night-and-day, but it's still very funny that he never expected laypeople to find them similar to an almost confusing degree.

  5. 10 months ago
    Anonymous

    Serious answer: That would’ve taken way too long.

  6. 10 months ago
    Anonymous

    No digging permits

  7. 10 months ago
    Anonymous

    Serious question: did Aragorn make the right choice in going for Elfussy? He could have had Eowyns prime viking vag. What choice would (YOU) have made?

    • 10 months ago
      Anonymous

      Aragorn is 80 but still has a very long time to live. It's fair to pick the eternally young elf puss over a girl that will hit the wall in the equivalent of 1/50th of his life.

      • 10 months ago
        Anonymous

        Only valid point

        You know Eowyn was STANKIN. Probably the biggest dirtiest bush in Rohan.

        >cant handle crack sweat
        Virgin

        He was already vowed to Arwen while Eowyn was in the crib. Aragorn is a pinnacle of European civilizational ideas, which would mean cheating on (essentially) his betrothed does not befit him.

        Hot guys cheat, uggos cope. Simple as.

        Gee i dont know anon. Will i rqin faithfull to my bethroted eternally young elfen wife. Or the human human roastie that lost her hymen in a "horse riding accident"

        Why not plow eowyn and plow arwen once eowyn dies?

        • 10 months ago
          Anonymous

          >Why not plow eowyn and plow arwen once eowyn dies?
          She's going to the Undying Lands unless he puts a ring on it you illiterate alzheimers fricker.
          Also why would she accept used goods?

          • 10 months ago
            Anonymous

            >why would she accept used goods?
            You really dont know anything at all about women do you? They dig a man with a high bodycount
            >t. High volume fricker since age 15

            That's actually a really good question because of how elven sexuality works. If it's the same as elf-on-elf sex then he made a huge mistake, they'll frick for a month, she'll conceive then turn asexual and Eowyn is a better choice.
            If, on the other hand, he gets her addicted to BHC and overcomes her limitations(or if they disappear once she goes human the first time like immortality), then she's the better one obviy. Though she would hit the wall at some point surely, since she'd become mortal and all.

            Now THATS an answer. Elf sexuality is incompatible with human male urges

    • 10 months ago
      Anonymous

      You know Eowyn was STANKIN. Probably the biggest dirtiest bush in Rohan.

    • 10 months ago
      Anonymous

      He was already vowed to Arwen while Eowyn was in the crib. Aragorn is a pinnacle of European civilizational ideas, which would mean cheating on (essentially) his betrothed does not befit him.

    • 10 months ago
      Anonymous

      Gee i dont know anon. Will i rqin faithfull to my bethroted eternally young elfen wife. Or the human human roastie that lost her hymen in a "horse riding accident"

      • 10 months ago
        Anonymous

        >I heckin LOVE licking 3000 years of elven cum out of my "eternally young" sloppy seconds waifu

        • 10 months ago
          Anonymous

          She's a virgin, don't compare Elven sexual stanards to that of 21st century Am*ricums.

          • 10 months ago
            Anonymous

            >As told in "The Tale of Aragorn and Arwen", in his twentieth year Aragorn met Arwen for the first time in Rivendell, where he lived under Elrond's protection. Arwen, then over 2,700 years old, had recently returned to her father's home after living with her grandmother, Galadriel, in Lothlórien.
            >Arwen, then over 2,700 years old
            >She's a virgin

          • 10 months ago
            Anonymous

            It might come as a surprise to you troon but most w*meme arent wiener addicted prostitutes.

          • 10 months ago
            Anonymous

            See [...]

            >NOOOOO NOT MY HECKIN WAIFURINO SHE TOTALLY NEVER HAD SEX IN HER 3000 YEARS AS A BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS WITH NO FATHER FIGURE AROUND IN A FUNKY FOREST FULL OF SPRY ELVEN BUCKS
            The absolute fricking state of you. Imagine tasting 500 wieners every time you kiss your "purest girl", imagine trying to fill a hole that spent centuries riding Bad Fellbeast dildos, imagine actually thinking she's into your pasty flabby Engwar physique and isn't dreaming about the Big Orcish wiener she was built for all the time.

          • 10 months ago
            Anonymous

            When will you accept that elves are not:
            a) human
            b)Amer*can

          • 10 months ago
            Anonymous

            >richest
            >no understanding for lesser life forms
            >proud
            >beautiful
            >everyone wishes they were them
            >ignoring the rest of the world most of the time
            Elves are a lot like Americans to be honest

          • 10 months ago
            Anonymous

            >beautiful
            >a lot like Americans

          • 10 months ago
            Anonymous

            >beautiful

          • 10 months ago
            Anonymous

            something something corruption something something evil something something Mutt's Law

            Captcha: DARN 8X

          • 10 months ago
            Anonymous

            See

            She's a virgin, don't compare Elven sexual stanards to that of 21st century Am*ricums.

    • 10 months ago
      Anonymous

      That's actually a really good question because of how elven sexuality works. If it's the same as elf-on-elf sex then he made a huge mistake, they'll frick for a month, she'll conceive then turn asexual and Eowyn is a better choice.
      If, on the other hand, he gets her addicted to BHC and overcomes her limitations(or if they disappear once she goes human the first time like immortality), then she's the better one obviy. Though she would hit the wall at some point surely, since she'd become mortal and all.

  8. 10 months ago
    Anonymous

    There was a 4th wizard, Caveman, who was initially gonna dig through the floor to Mordor and provide the necessary magics and scaffolding to let the Fellowship through, where they'd meet a big fiery demon at the end. But that got turned into Moria.

    • 10 months ago
      Anonymous

      Nobody reads Tolkein's letters, so nobody knows about Caveman and the plotholes his exclusion caused.

  9. 10 months ago
    Anonymous

    Why didnt Sam just stuck the orcs in a stew?

    • 10 months ago
      Anonymous

      He's a stupid hobbit. A fat, stupid, hobbits.

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