What THE FUCK

What THE FRICK

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  1. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    >literally just pop a squat on any city

    i assume this never happens and tolkien did not think about this at all?

  2. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Where did Tolkien give the size of Smaug? He drew him like half the size in that pic.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      Half? He's like 5% the size of the OP pic where he dwarfs a 747. In Tolkien's drawing that's Bilbo for comparison, who's half the size of a human.A human could literally put a chokehold on Smaug.

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        >A human could literally put a chokehold on Smaug.
        Come try it, pussy.
        -Smaug

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        Probably because it’s inspired by the dragon in Beowulf

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        Smaug got completely exaggerated in legend by those Dale homosexuals to make their accomplishment seem like a big deal.

        Same with the dwarves exaggerated how much gold he stole from them.
        >"Hey Gloin, Smaug took 200 gold bars from us, right?"
        >"Yea... uh, I mean, no! It was, um... 6 million! Yes, 6 million has a nice ring to it kekekekeke!"

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      Half? He's like 5% the size of the OP pic where he dwarfs a 747. In Tolkien's drawing that's Bilbo for comparison, who's half the size of a human.A human could literally put a chokehold on Smaug.

      Tolkien admitted he drew him vastly too small and Bilbo too big as well
      That was never intended to actually represent size

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      I don't remember this image

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        Don't get a shit edition next time, then.

  3. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Yesterday I had a vision in which armies were walking toward a pit with a dragon head and the camera was slowly zooming out and with humans there were traveling some huge lizards, and those lizards and humans were traveling on even bigger lizards, and the destionation, the dragonhead was so huge that probably millions of men would be able to stand on its eye
    And then the camera zoomed out to the whol3 Earth and there were a dozen of such pits with dragonheads vidible from Earth, one of the pits were the size of Iceland

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      That was a cool vision anon. I pictured it in my mind and it was intense. What a beast you describe

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      Ah yes, a vision of Satans armies in the end times

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      One time I had a dream I was in a valley like where you find that black dragon in dark souls 1
      Well he was lying on the ground, exhausted and bloodied and wounded and he was staring at me and I could hear him crying, telling me how he didn't want go to Hell and that he was terrified
      Then a knight came and stabbed the dragon in his head and he shuddered and started begging to not have to go there and then he died

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        based knight

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          I felt sorry for the dragon even though I knew he had done evil things, he made me pity him
          Also I have a strange complex where seeing the prideful and powerful brought to their knees, humbled and humiliated fills me with angst

  4. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    He's a big guy.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      bump

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous
      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        heh

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        underrated post

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous
      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        oooh I just got it

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous
      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        underrated

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        i chuckled softly

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous
      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        Amazing.

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        Very nice

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        Well done

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous
      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous
      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        why is everyone replying to this

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          newbies plus large reply count syndrome.

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          four yous.

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          newbies plus large reply count syndrome.

          here's your (You), you'll get it one day

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            I know what it means you tremendous moronic homosexual. Here's your rage reply.

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          because you're a newbie

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          probably he's a bald guy meme idk i dont read

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        Fuuuuuuuuck

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        Impressive. Nice.

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous
      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        o7

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        Congratulations, just when I thought this joke was done.

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        Christ, look at IQfy getting ecstatic over a joke post that was novel on IQfy a decade ago

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          I don't browse IQfy so it was the first time I've seen that joke and I found it quite funny.

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          I don't browse IQfy. You sound like you always have to one-up everyone you meet.

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        Basiert

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      for you

      checkdd

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous
  5. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    The physical size of the mythical creatures doesn't matter all that much. One half-elf and some eagles killed Ancalagon. You have to remember that the whole world of middle earth is a dream, a song of a God. It's like a video game, you can scale up the size of the end boss but all that really matters is the stats.

    For example, When Gandolf is fighting the Balrog there is a lot of hidden fighting going on outside of the material world. They are fighting in a mythopoeic sense, not a physical one.

  6. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    That's an inaccurate image.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      Just how big is that mountain if that dragon is that large

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        about tree fiddy

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        If the dragon is that large, the mountain is *that* large. Kinda the point of a to-scale comparison..

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      Imagining just me, a white man wielding a long sword and silver armor, walking towards this enormous beast, prepared for a glorious death

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      How the frick do you fight this thing?

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        Ask Earendil.

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        With a flying boat iirc

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        You wait for gravity to do its job

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          He was alive when the world was flat, before the Changing of the World in the Second Age, not sure gravity was the same.

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          This. Animals today (elephants and whales) are the maximum size which could be sustainable in our current conditions. If we believe the Middle Earth exists in same conditions as Earth so that humans may live on it, those huge dragons would be crushed by their own weight as soon as they spawned.

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            Woooooah, it's almost like it's a fantasy world or something

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            >If we believe the Middle Earth exists in same conditions as Earth
            Brother, I literally explained that the world isn't the same in my reply

            He was alive when the world was flat, before the Changing of the World in the Second Age, not sure gravity was the same.

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            Brother makes a good point.

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        Nukes

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      We have a new estimates on recent finds from Tolkiens notes.
      He was a big guy.

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        >Body the size of north america
        jesus christ

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        > Ancalagon > Texas > Ancalagon
        ?????

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          It's a joke, you shmuck.

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          Wait.. HE'S RIGHT

          THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY FRICKING SENSE. THINK ABOUT IT, IT'S LIKE SAYING X > Y > X? HOW CAN X BE BIGGER THAN SOMETHING THAT IS BIGGER THAN ITSELF, THAT WOULD MEAN IT'S BIGGER THAN ITSE SELF

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            That's crazy.

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          It's a joke, you shmuck.

          Wait.. HE'S RIGHT

          THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY FRICKING SENSE. THINK ABOUT IT, IT'S LIKE SAYING X > Y > X? HOW CAN X BE BIGGER THAN SOMETHING THAT IS BIGGER THAN ITSELF, THAT WOULD MEAN IT'S BIGGER THAN ITSE SELF

          I believe I could shed a light on what

          We have a new estimates on recent finds from Tolkiens notes.
          He was a big guy.

          meant to say.

          The ultimate purpose of this image can be summed up in one word: IRONY. In irony, the author doesn't necessarily want to state a truth, but, most of the times, the opposite of it; in other words, it's a comedic resource that tries to indicate a certain truth via contrast, i. e., NEGATION.

          So, in the context of the image discussed, the author is resorting to irony in order to indicate the negation of what he's actually displaying in the aforementioned image. In this case, the logical conclusion we can extract from the illustration, i.e., X > Y > X, is not what the author is trying to convey, but instead it's negation (~(X > Y > X). I could show the meticulous steps I used, founded in the most elemental axioms of logic, to reach the conclusion I'm about to show you; however, given it would take far more characters than this essay already requires, I'll jump right into the final conclusion. To the most demanding minds in this discussion, I would suggest you to wait for a more detailed demonstration in the book I'll seek to publish in a possible future.

          The logical conclusion on the real message of the author's image is that (~(X > Y > X)), therefore (X <= Y <= X). However, X < X would be a contradiction, since it breaks the principle of identity. Therefore, (X = Y = X), and, to simplify the equation, (X = Y).

          Now, we have reached the logical representation of the author's true affirmation. However those who analyzed the equation carefully would say something is missing. And in fact it is.

          We have a relation of "equality" that connects both elements in question (i. e., the legendary dragon Ancalagon and the geographic territory of the State of Texas). But we never discussed in what sense both entities are "equal". Naturally, we could never say that a dragon from a fictional piece of fantastic literature can be the same entity as the graphical representation of the geographic limits that are held by a state. The context of this thread gives us the final hint that can glue the pieces together: SIZE. So, the relation represented by the symbols (=, >, <) can be interpreted as "same size as", "less size than", and "more size than", respectivelly.

          So, the final conclusion of my line of though leads us to the following statement: "The dragon Ancalagon has the same size as the state of Texas".

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        That's an inaccurate image.

        what does he eat?

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      Imagine the amount of taxes diverted towards only the daily feeding of such a creature.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      Ancalagon is going to be in the Prime series

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      Can someone photoshop Jeb onto this

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous
        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          I meant Jeb doing tbis to take the place of the big dragon

  7. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Ancalagon have penis?

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      You wouldn't think so, but the dragons survived for millennia after Morgoth's defeat, so they must somehow be able to breed. Though we never see a female in Tolkien's stuff.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      Like many reptiles, dragons probably have 2 penises that come out of a hole when erect. Reptiles also have a dominant penis. They can be left-penised or right-penised, like how humans have dominant hands.

  8. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    What?

  9. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Read another book.

  10. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    >Tldr; Tolkien is rubbish, read Beowulf

    The size of the dragon is not important.

    If you go back to Beowulf, you know that the dragon is a metaphor for war and treasure hoard, the ring-giver is a kenning for King, Lord / thane / atheling who distributes rings ie torcs, gold treasure / spoils, honour and glory amongst his warrior companions.

    Tolkien wrote a poem called The Hoard which is essentially about how greed accumulated in a treasure hoard leads to ruin. The poem is here:
    http://www.councilofelrond.com/2007/08/the-hoard-a-poetry-analysis/
    Similarly, the dragon battle at the end of Beowulf arrives before a premonition of war and anarchy, intertwined with some Christian grail myth (some scholars believe this was added later) that strongly suggests the accumulation of treasure / unequal distribution of wealth, leads to covetousness, avarice, bloodshed, sin and downfall. This is what Beowulf is truly fighting and what he dies to in the end. So the dragon and treasure hoard in these stories is really a parable about how greed and unequal distribution of wealth lead to war. Of course Tolkien plagiarised all this and then in the films we get the opposite message Men Of The West You Must Fight etc. etc. because modern audiences can no longer situate fiction within history.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      I appreciate the post here. I think it's also worth considering the dragon qua draco standard and it's connotations, and the fact that Germanic society ran on the circulation of loot in exchange for service.

  11. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    I read The Silmarillion like a month ago and I don't remember any dragon called Ancalagon, I do remember Glaurung though.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      Ancalagon appears in the same sentence he dies in. He's over-hyped by DnD larpers.

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        What?

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          Ancalagon's first appearance is his death.

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            dayummm, thats a showethought right there

  12. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Someone post the edit with Saint Georges

  13. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    [...]

    More like your drake lol

  14. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    was Smaug such a homosexual?

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      no

  15. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    if Ancalagon was that big wouldn't there be an enormous dragon skeleton lying around somewhere? Even if he died like 10,000 years ago the bones would probably still be there

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      Imagine the bone marrow. Entire cities could feast for months on his femur alone

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      The landscape changed a lot since the First Age. It's possible that would've destroyed his bones.

  16. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Was Glaurung the dragon in The Children of Húrin?

  17. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    I can't go back to dragons that don't scream "ahhhhh, dicky!!!" as they attack the heroine.

    The cursed undead dragon was cool too I guess.

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