What should I do if I grew up with no father figure? Are there any books or other resources for learning what having a father figure would have taught me?
What should I do if I grew up with no father figure?
What should I do if I grew up with no father figure? Are there any books or other resources for learning what having a father figure would have taught me?
Honestly I would say that reading the Bible taught me how men are supposed to act and why so many men choose to not act that way. You might be averse to reading the Bible but I do seriously believe you would learn a lot about manhood from reading it.
Hmm I’m not especially religious but I’m always open to reading anything that I can learn from.
I’ve read meditations, I guess I’ll give the bible a shoot and Jung is on my reading list. The book in pic rel also look like exactly what I’m looking for.
I’ve heard of Jordan Peterson but not actually seen many of his lectures, the cowboy guy also seems like a good resource and I’ll look up Dalrymple.
Thanks.
I’ll look it up, might help with this.
I saw Robert greene talk about a western protagonist as his ideal of masculinity so I guess I should start watching more westerns then, thanks.
The spaghetti western trilogy are the most iconic westerns of all time I think.
Also this scene from deadwood unironically helped me more than therapy.
I would highly recommend Jordan peterson I would just say avoid take his more mystical views with a pinch of salt. He has also gone really down hill since his breakdown. peak jbp is 2016-2019. After his "debate" with zizek he loses his mind.
Yeah I have heard really good things about it.
Theodore Dalrymple doesn't really have a lot of information of being a man but he was a psychologist in a really poor neighbourhood in the UK and really breaks down the effects the sexual revolution and trend of absent fathers had on those communities. It helped me to understand myself a lot more and also to understand the negative mindset i had picked up. He's also a lot more gentle and caring than most people with similar talking points.
Since you're posting clips I will say for all I shat on yellowstone earlier I thought this speech was pretty good. https://www.youtube.com/shorts/mdAyXubZj8E
I mean all the memes are true really
Meditations by aerelius, the bible from what I understand, jung
Have not read pic rel but bought it for similar reasons as yourself
Just gravitate towards respectable men and masculine figures and you'll find a path. Unironally l Jordan Peterson helped a lot. Also this one writer called Theodore Dalrymple and this dude
Better video
Also as dumb as it sounds I watch a lot of westerns and they at least gave me figures in media I wanted to emulate.
I really liked the shows longmire and deadwood.
I love this guy and longmire and deadwood were great shows too, shame deadwood got cut off, was really getting into it. Also a shame that absolute horseshit yellowstone seems to be the only new western content.
I'd say deadwood is my favourite show next to the wire.
I really liked the first 2 seasons of yellowstone but it started getting cliche as it went on.
I'd really recommend justified if you haven't already seen it.
Its funny I say the exact same thing about yellowstone, the first ep especially was great, and the plot the first 2 seasons with the rich californian was great, after that there was just such a stupid excessive amount of "bad things with no actual consequences" that happened that it just got boring and desensitised you since if there was some explosion or whatever every episode it isn't novel or crazy any more.
I haven't watched the wire or justified thanks for the recommendations.
Look up "reparenting". It basically involves exploring the role of being your own child and your own parent. It's an effective way of reclaiming some experiences you missed out on, while also discovering some of the lessons in parenting you were never taught.
idk man. i feel like there's no way you can turn back the clock. that was a critical developmental period that was missed, and what's done is done. i'd say lean into it. there's opportunities unique to your situation. play to your strengths - it's the only way you can accept the story of who you are. you're the only person that can tell that story
>What should I do if I grew up with no father figure?
Assume responsibility for your life.
>How?
Be your best self every day. Identify problems and solve them as they arise. Take responsibility for problems.
>How do I do that?
Study and work. And again by assuming responsibility for them.
Sounds wise.
Thanks for the movie recommendations, honestly I’ve been sceptical of Peterson just because of those mystical views but I will definitely check out some of his earlier work
Still seems dalrymple would be a valuable read then even if it isn’t exactly what I’m looking for
My father was mentally I’ll so I understand somewhat, but I’m still fairly young so I am dedicated to not letting it define me, which is why I made this thread.
There has always been a sense of others from people who had father figures for me tough, obviously I’m still a well functioning individual but I can’t shake this feeling of missing some aspect of masculinity despite the fact I’m more masculine on a surface level than some of those guys which I would chalk up to the lack of a father honestly.
Very interesting watch, thanks.
I don't think one person can be a father figure to you really. I picked up stuff from lots of different men and it has been helpful. The one take away I got is that being a man is not only about taking responsibility, being reliable, providing, being able to hold your own and protecting others.
It's also about balance. If you can't tell your children you love them are you really protecting them?
If you can't communicate with others or treat them with respect how are you able to progress your life and contribute to your a workplace or community?
If you can't access your creativity how are you able to solve problems?
If you can't manage your time well and be organised how will you have time.e for being creative?
Henry rollins and ian mackaye were good figure for me also as he gave me a model for a creative person who was also very physically capable and mentally strong. I have always loved music but the punk record label discord featured a ton of bands with a very expressive form of masculinity from guys that worked out and were self sufficient but also respected women and were incredibly well read. Listen to fugazi if you feel like it.
Yeah his lecture series about the lion king and pinnochio were dope and those 3 Joe rogan podcasts are a good intro. Just be mindful that he has associated with libertarian think tanks. I'm willing to believe all his views are his own but I also can't ignore he did lectures for prageru and breitbart. Which aren't inherantly bad i just don't think he has grounds to claim his perspective is completely objective either.
Theodore Dalrymples main book is life at the bottom. Also on the topic of jung. I heard in a podcast once that he had a strange relationship with his own father and his main motivation for seeking the spiritual was his fathers dissconection with god. I hope you find what you're looking for anon.
I feel like a complete failure as a man. Older virgin, terrible with my hands, physically small and inferior. My dad was a drunk who never taught me anything. I never had any male role models. I have such shit confidence and everything I try to do is intimidating and I think I'll fail. Even shit like mowing the lawn. And even if I somehow try and succeed at something it does nothing for my confidence and I still think I'll fail no matter what. I think about suicide constantly for being such a useless, miserable person, and it honestly makes sense to off myself.
What advice are you asking for sir.
I have been where you're at and all I can see is keep getting up again. You are what you do and the only way you will develop that confidence is through competence and competence comes through work, repetition and overcoming hardship. It won't happen over night but if you pick small goals you can achieve and keep on at it eventually you'll start to respect yourself more.
I kind of hated Jamie but I also didn't like John either. Good clip.
Oh also here's my favourite jbp clip.
Me too. My father was always working so I grew up with my mom hammering her insecurities into me, always comparing me with other kids, saying she wished she never had me. I feel like I never felt carefree like a child, I always felt like I was disappointing everyone, always felt embarassed and insecure. Looking back, as a kid my peers weren't doing anything more than me and they weren't any better or worse than me, I simply had my mom constantly trying to make me feel inferior.
Nah just make good decisions about how you feel/act instead of dumb decisions
Father figures are mostly just there to check if you're being a retard and not having common sense.
It's kind of hard to know when you're being a retard if you don't have a fathers voice in the back of your head telling you so. You just do dumb shit without realising.
yeah but you can look at the consequences of that behaviour and say, yeah, i probably shouldn't do x if i don't want y
In an immediate material sense surely. But it can be impossible to forsee the long term affects of certain behaviours without the context of an adults wisdom.
yeah that's true. counterpoint: even your fathers wisdom isn't infallible, there are some things outside his wisdom, or that he may even fuck up (even if he doesn't mean to)
still... rather have it not need it, than need it not have it 🙁
That's not true. I grew up with a dad until I was 13 and even though he was present he was never there if you catch my drift. I had to learn how to shave from my older brother and I couldn't fix anything on a car if it meant saving my life. Shit, I don't even know when a car is full when you're filling it up with fuel cause I was never taught how to drive or how to fill up a car. Despite all that, I still just don't fuck up because when it comes to making decisions I think of what the immediate consequences would be and I think of the long term consequences. You don't need an adult to tell you what to do and how things will turn out if you just be the adult that you're meant to be and you consider the consequences of your actions, long term and short term.
>Shit, I don't even know when a car is full when you're filling it up with fuel cause I was never taught how to drive or how to fill up a car.
What an incredible homosexual. Yes, anon, the only way to learn anything is to be taught it by your dad. When I went to uni to learn computer science, all my classes were taught by my dad.
I'm not really sure how what I said contradicts that. The point is about absent fathers. This can be physically or emotionally. It sounds like you got the second.
wtf the fuck are you talking about?
you're an adult, you're not a baby you can take care of yourself now
You don't need this shit now, parents are there to teach you basic shit like how to open doors. You already know everything a father or mother figure would ever teach you
There's a YouTube channel I heard of long ago called 'DadHowDoI' and the whole idea is being taught skills your father would be expected to teach you. Basically tutorials for useful life skills.