What is a relationship with a borderline/narcissist woman like?

What is a relationship with a borderline/narcissist woman like?

  1. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Wouldn't it depend on a whole bunch of factors?

  2. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Actual diagnosed narcissists should be avoided at all costs. They're genuinely dangerous people.

    Not sure about BPD, but I hear it's a dice roll and depends a lot on how severe it is and how well they manage it.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I dated both and will give you my experience. I have to say that the borderline diagnosis was given by my therapist to my last ex, and the narcissist one feels obvious yet I don't have any professional stamping to confirm it was the case.

      Basically this anon said it all.
      I started dating my narcissist ex when I was very young and had no sense of boundaries or self respect. Like her exes before me and her new guy after me. This person manipulated me, changed my perception of reality, lied, played victim, grabbed all attention, tried to cut me off friends and family, tried giving me ideas, and more importantly really mistreated me. She would constantly ridiculise me, mock me, invalidate any feeling or concern and make me think I'm the crazy one. And if I ever raised my voice I was an awful person.

      She tried to fuck up my reputation and friend circle after the breakup (and even having a new guy), even tried to hover around my work, basically she tried to fuck my life any way she could, while all the time playing victim offline and online. She would make me the narcissist or abusive partner when I just wanted to be LEFT ALONE.
      The problem with those personalities is that they are very charismatic and would have no problem gathering people around them and appeal to empathy while making them admire them.

      I can't wait for her to die to dance and piss on her grave. Never had I felt in such a situation of "danger".

      The borderline, on the other hand, was the sweetest love I ever had, the most beautiful and intense relationship of all, that girl never mistreated me, she gave me a beautiful love until she slowly started to lose her shit for small mundane shit. I would make excuses or consider the circumstances but the truth is, it wasn't rational. She was the quiet BPD type so it never went to a point of throwing tantrum and breaking shit, but she would just be so hurt by this shit.
      To be continued

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Then her state quickly degraded, I saw her go into crazy spending sprees (she had a high salary that allowed that), and getting hurt by things that were more and more stupid, while her demands for attention and gestures got higher and higher and higher. She became very moody in the last 6 months of our relationship.

        At the end also she would change her mind all the time on things she wanted to do. "I want to learn how to drive! No, I will sign up for yoga! No, I will take care of elders! No, I will....."

        And one day, right after moving in together in a new country, she left me. Then came back. Then left me again and changed countries. And that's her life. I ignored all the signs. Unstable, no close friends (anymore), monkey branching relationships, extreme reactions, etc etc

        At some point I learned she lied to me. Maybe cheated. I don't know how deep the rabbit hole goes. Yet I can't hate her for all the love we gave each other and for how vulnerable she is.

        I do worry about her and I hope she will seek help, for real, and heal.

        So that is the difference between a NPD and a BPD. It was easy to move on the NPD as soon as I cut her from my life and shown she couldn't make me feel anything: shame, guilt, anger... Basically when I have shown that I was not manipulable anymore. And I met a girl like her recently. I saw the signs pretty quickly. You just have to show you don't care and not engage in debates. Put a distance. It can be that easy as long as they found another victim to destroy and it's not worth it to chase you. When I got that and cut her off, I felt free and relieved. It was over.

        But the BPD... is just a relationship so loving and intense and dreamy I cannot forget it and cannot hate her despite all the hurt she caused me. My life is in shambles but it's not like a NPD that continuously tries to destroy it. No. It's just that I am too depressed to build back after she left me with ruins. It hurts.

        To be continued

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          It hurts because it makes no sense. I am stuck in a maze, trying to make the pieces of the puzzle fit. How can such a beautiful and sweet girl tell me she loves me one day and go the next day? How could she be so caring and loving yet lied to me? How did everything happen and why?

          But there is no why and the how is just somebody's feeling wrecking havock.

          This is the BPD relationship. Living with the ghosts of what was once beautiful but realising it was an illusion. This girl never existed. And you did this to yourself.

          If I had to chose again I would go with the BPD. The narcissist just makes you feel a sense of danger you never felt before, and that danger is real. The BPD is the same with sadness, regret and guilt, and the only thing you can do is heal.

  3. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous
  4. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    They can change moods on the wink of an eye and will hold everything against you while they think they're in their right 100% of the time. Modern day amplifies women like this because in this society women can literally do nothing wrong and still get worshipped.
    I dated a BPD girl like that. She knew she could get away with everything because she has a dozen orbiters on discord who gifted her stuff plenty of times. She literally just complained about not having a mouse and some simp on discord gifted her a brand new mouse
    The only way to date these people is to not take offence to everything. Just let everything slide off your back because they will use any weakness against you.

    If I brought up the fact that she found me scum for having girls before we dated, I would bring up the simps that orbited on her discord, and she'd use that against me, how they practically worshipped her and did everything for her. I quickly shot down that notion by stating how pathetic they were and she just started giggling.
    One time she was trying to make me jealous again, by telling me how she was flirting with one when we were having a fight, but after I ignored her she sent the message that it was probably not going anywhere because he was ugly.
    It has its toll though, one of my relatives died and when she tried everything out of her might to make me react, she started making fun of my recently diseased family member.

    They're fucking psychos. They know what they do is wrong but they justify it, and they know that today's society will side with them no matter what they do.
    I hold my heart out for zoomers.

  5. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    You always feel like you're doing something wrong and are ruining the relationship while everyone else in your life is saying
    >Why the fuck are you putting up with this person? They treat you like shit.

    And in hindsight, it's some combination of a few things - crazy good unbridled crazy person sex. Emotional yo-yoing where they dangle the possibility that things are finally getting better for a little while because there are these periods where they're SO loving and there for you, and then things return to shit and they start telling you again about how you've ruined everything and you're an awful person for imagined or minor long past slights.

    You get addicted to it too because even if they're off their gourd, although it's a continuous and growing toll on your happiness and mental health, you DO get used to it and learn to almost enjoy the peaks and valleys, because they're exciting in a fucked up way. They're way more interesting, mentally, and emotionally stimulating than a normal relationship. At some point, the elevated cortisol level they constantly put you through becomes your new normal and it's weird being in relationships that don't have it. Like, normal relationship issues don't even trigger on my radar anymore, once you date a crazy person you get used to them storming out to go god knows where, hour long cry-screaming scream-downs at you over the phone, contacting friends and family members behind your back, writing hate poetry and music - so tiny one evening fights or minor disputes don't even register.

    Don't take any of this as an endorsement though - if I could roll back the clock and NOT deal with the above, I happily would - but I'm not going to pretend it was all bad, even if A LOT of it was intolerably bad.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >once you date a crazy person you get used to them storming out to go god knows where, hour long cry-screaming scream-downs at you over the phone, contacting friends and family members behind your back, writing hate poetry and music - so tiny one evening fights or minor disputes don't even register.
      I remember mine tried to curse me by summoning a demon.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Fewer crystals and pentagrams, more diss tracks and trying to convince me to disown my extremely supportive family.

        BPD and NPD are VERY different things. Stop making a meme out of mental health fuckwit.

        Relationships with individuals depends on the individual.

        >Relationships with individuals depends on the individual.
        Sure but patterns exist, which many individuals with these conditions will adhere to. I'd hazard a guess they're WAY more likely to look like my experience and

        They can change moods on the wink of an eye and will hold everything against you while they think they're in their right 100% of the time. Modern day amplifies women like this because in this society women can literally do nothing wrong and still get worshipped.
        I dated a BPD girl like that. She knew she could get away with everything because she has a dozen orbiters on discord who gifted her stuff plenty of times. She literally just complained about not having a mouse and some simp on discord gifted her a brand new mouse
        The only way to date these people is to not take offence to everything. Just let everything slide off your back because they will use any weakness against you.

        If I brought up the fact that she found me scum for having girls before we dated, I would bring up the simps that orbited on her discord, and she'd use that against me, how they practically worshipped her and did everything for her. I quickly shot down that notion by stating how pathetic they were and she just started giggling.
        One time she was trying to make me jealous again, by telling me how she was flirting with one when we were having a fight, but after I ignored her she sent the message that it was probably not going anywhere because he was ugly.
        It has its toll though, one of my relatives died and when she tried everything out of her might to make me react, she started making fun of my recently diseased family member.

        They're fucking psychos. They know what they do is wrong but they justify it, and they know that today's society will side with them no matter what they do.
        I hold my heart out for zoomers.

        than random chance.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          No. What you're doing is trying to stereotype and stigmatize people based on single immutable traits. It's like saying all white people are the same. It's absurd.

          People are more complicated than a single trait or condition. It's how all the parts of an individual mix together, along with determinism that make a person who they are. You can't judge a book by it's cover.

          That you don't seem to be able to grasp these concepts is a giant neon sign that you lack any real insight.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            If you genuinely think doing that is wrong, you don’t believe in psychiatry, because the psychiatric community’s fundamental project agrees with me.

            Their field is quite literally tasked with leading a project to define clusters of observable symptoms that make up these conditions. Treat people like people, but don’t get it twisted, we can and ought to be able to call out similarities observed in a group that is LITERALLY ITSELF defined by observed similarities between its members, saying otherwise is the textbook definition of missing the forest for the trees.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Bruh if the don't exhibit the traits they literally don't have the disorder that is what it is defined by. This is like saying not all people with blonde hair have blonde hair lol

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >hate poetry and music
      This sounds amazing in a fucked up way. Was it good music?

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        I wouldn't personally listen to it, but it was well-made work, from a technical and structural perspective.

        It's a little amusing even when the song is negative when she's performing it for you, much, much less so when she's performing it for others and it's often their first and last impression of you. Doubly so when you feel the music is extremely misrepresentative of the relationship, because saying you don't really think the song fairly represents you gets interpreted as
        >Oh, so you hate my music, are discouraging my creative process, are being controlling, and are shitting on something I worked really really hard on
        >We shall now have a one hour long fight about how shitty this is
        >Also if you notice that the topic has shifted a bunch and pin me down on this point, thanks for the feedback, but I'm not changing shit.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >Also if you notice that the topic has shifted a bunch and pin me down on this point, thanks for the feedback, but I'm not changing shit.

          /thread

          Thanks for coming everyone

  6. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    BPD and NPD are VERY different things. Stop making a meme out of mental health fuckwit.

    Relationships with individuals depends on the individual.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Pretty sure they're in the same cluster of personality disorders and comorbidity is not unheard of tbh

      >relationships with individuals depends on the individual
      BPD and NPD are both fucking cancer and a guarantee that they'll make you miserable. The only thing that differs is the tolerance level of the poor homosexual who dates someone with them.

  7. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >bpd and narcissistic partner

    Anon I'm telling you going to a prison filled with violent naggers would be a less emotionally draining existence. Even one of those is a huge no, but together? You're gonna get driven to suicide as she sabotages everything you love and separates you from all your friends and family, and you'll probably be accused of rape or something like that because she wants attention.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Pretty sure they're in the same cluster of personality disorders and comorbidity is not unheard of tbh

      >relationships with individuals depends on the individual
      BPD and NPD are both fucking cancer and a guarantee that they'll make you miserable. The only thing that differs is the tolerance level of the poor homosexual who dates someone with them.

      Narcissists are at least easier to detect than BPDs. Once you get the pattern you can avoid getting your life fucked up once again.

      A quick cheat sheet for Anons out there meeting such a girl:
      - She love bomb you
      - She's into banter with you but fail to realise it's inappropriate or hurting you
      - She wants attention by everybody, and shapeshift while doing so
      - She is absolutely closed to any form of criticism
      - She tries giving you ideas to control your thoughts and actions
      - She plays victim

      Met such a girl recently, talk with her for 2 weeks, she played games, I told her goodbye. Once again just show you don't care. 0 feelings. Absolute indifference.

      It hurts them to see how unimportant they are in your eyes.

  8. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    You cause yourself less pain with being alone than ignoring clear red flags. Mentally unstable women can fuck you over in so many ways. If they take responsibility of their actions, acknowledge their disease and try to grow out from their illness then those women can be dealt with but often bpd women are walking destruction and chaos while nothing is ever their fault

  9. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Be aware that the girl you are with for the first few months of the relationship is not real. Any promises she makes, any statements about her own interests or desires, anything like that? It's mirroring and trying to be what you want. It's not real. So for example, she may not actually be nerdier than you. You'll have to wait a while to see the real person and find out if that's also someone you want to date.

    Be careful of excuses around issues and triggers. She'll start using those to shape your relationship, making you do certain things by telling you other options will trigger her.

    Remember that no matter how attached you are, she could becoming disinterested in you at any moment. She fears abandonment because she will abandon people at the drop of a hat, due to lacking emotional inertia. Your relationship will never be stable no matter what you do.

    Remember that you can't cure her disease. Nothing you as a partner can do will fix it. If she's not actively in therapy, the relationship is likely doomed and there's little you can do about that.

    She'll want a lot of emotional support, but she can't really support you, pretty much ever.

    She will very likely create a social smear campaign after the relationship telling everyone how abusive and shitty you were. This will likely just be stories she's recycled from other partners.

    Sometimes, she'll remember her fears about you as being what actually happened in the past. Thus, no matter how great you are, you'll become a monster in her eyes eventually.

    If that all sounds like a great plan, well... go for it. But I wouldn't recommend it. If she's enough to be diagnosed, pretty much everything I just said will happen.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Not OP. It feels good to read that and internalise it. Helps feel less crazy.

      Thanks Anon.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      This is great except the therapy part. Therapy may extend the number of bpd cycles you spend with them, but it won't save the "relationship," if you can call it that. I wish it was otherwise but I have looked specifically for a long time and never found a single successful relationship with a bpd

  10. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Abusive.

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