LULZ / LGBTQ

Transitioned but still fucking hate myself

I (FTM) came out at 12 to my parents but didn't transition socially until 16 because self hate and lack of parental support. I'm now 20 and have been dressing as a boy since 12 and stealth for 4 years, but I still fucking hate myself, dont feel manly enough, have no real sense of myself, mega depressed, feel like I come off as cowardly and gay like loads of ftms do but have an inability to grow a spine. Was transitioning just a way to escape myself and to cope with sexualised female puberty? Have I been coping all this time, running from myself?

  1. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    i mean it could be that or it could just be you have some sort of self-esteem problem like incels who don't feel manly enough.
    it all depends on if you want to be a successful man or woman.

  2. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    what is the equivalent of "take your pills, Alice" but for telling pooners to just depoon already?

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      its called kys

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      any male shows the slightest thought about himself as a girl even if they lived as a male for 25 years and will never pass, everyone pushes to transition

      any female shows desire to be a male from an early age and presents as one for almost half their life…told to detransition?

      what is wrong with this website

      • 2 weeks ago
        FunnyDog

        Unempathetic autists including myself inhabit this website, what do you expect really?

        They cannot relate to anyone that isn’t exactly like them

  3. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    you're just a quirky girl anon sorry

  4. 2 weeks ago
    Green

    Are you on testosterone?
    >On LULZ
    >Not supported by parents
    >Insecure, afraid you aren't male enough
    I don't see how this makes you less trans, it seems rather obvious why you feel like shit. You're just a depressed person, transitioning doesn't change your mindset inherently. You need to make an active effort to accept yourself as a trans person, while also improving your life outside of being trans.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      No, I'm not on testosterone. I think part of my problem is I've been dealing with an eating disorder and body image issues to cope with the female aspects, but its hard to tell if I really want to be a man or if I'm just running from myself (femininity), since I feel so strongly about it.

      I'm so ashamed of being ftm how do I get to a place of acceptance?

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >>No, I'm not on testosterone
        >Wonders why he hates himself and doesn't feel like a man
        Are FtMs retarded?

      • 2 weeks ago
        FunnyDog

        Anon give me your discord

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          ezkRAM#6777

          • 2 weeks ago
            FunnyDog

            accept my friend request anon

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        The journey is different for every trans person. Surround yourself with supportive people that accept you for who you are if at all possible. A lot of it is just accepting you will always be a trans man and never a cis man but that isn't an innately bad thing. I wish you the best of luck anon.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Green

        >Not on T
        >Ashamed of not being trans/male enough
        I wonder why anon.
        You are 20. You can make your own decisions, you deserve to be happy. Of course, being trans is running away from our biological aspects. If being female makes you unhappy, if you have tried so hard to accept yourself as a woman, if you wish you could be masculinized, why are you shaming yourself into being miserable and staying a woman?

        I used to be extremely ashamed of being FtM. I still am really. The only thing that has helped is simply not thinking about it. Do what makes you happy, end of story. Don't worry if you're really trans or really male or really a woman, just think about what will make you happier, healthier, in your own way. Get on T now, DIY if you need to.

        • 2 weeks ago
          Green

          No, I'm not on testosterone. I think part of my problem is I've been dealing with an eating disorder and body image issues to cope with the female aspects, but its hard to tell if I really want to be a man or if I'm just running from myself (femininity), since I feel so strongly about it.

          I'm so ashamed of being ftm how do I get to a place of acceptance?

          Also, do you really feel like you're "escaping" womanhood, or are you just internalizing what everyone has told you, that you're just a woman deep down? Try thinking for yourself and your own happiness.

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Nobody told me I had to be a woman, unless you count fantastical societal pressure etc.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        [log in to view media]

        Since when does socially transitioning = trutrans? I'm 21 years old, 6 months on T, have extremely unaccepting parents, am planning to girlmode as long as I can, and vehemently hate myself for being trans, yet I have no doubts about being "tru"trans. There's no special metric that will determine if you'll regret transitioning or not. Either take T or don't take T, you're overcomplicating things.

        >stealth for 4 years
        >not on testosterone
        I smell a LARP.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Find a man who will love you as a woman. A good man will understand all you did was go down a wrong path

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        According to some studies getting on t fixes the part of the brain that relates to body image and even works as a treatment for anorexia.

        Which ironically might make you feel fine with having a female body and detrans, but only if you trans first

  5. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >trannies
    Just take hrt you'll be so much happier
    >also trannies
    Every day is agony omg I want to die please give me sweet oblivion

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      fixing dysphoria wont make you not depressed or autistic or traumatized or fix any other issue other than dysphoria

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      still better than repping

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Yeah no shit repper, pills won't solve your problems by themselves

  6. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >come off as cowardly and gay
    Me too but I'm AMAB. It's okay. I'll be honest it sounds like you need something to do, like a hobby that consumes most of your time. Fill the void, you can't fill it with nothing.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      tbf I think you're probably right. Maybe I am just depressed. Maybe I just need to do something and get out of bed and stop thinking about it.

  7. 2 weeks ago
    FunnyDog

    Dunno anon, I really cannot relate aside from the dressing as a boy since the age of 12 but I started at 11

    Never really got sexualised when I went through puberty either cause I was ugly as fuck

    But I don’t really see how that could lead to someone transitioning, you probably just need to build confidence

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      How the hell do I accept being trans. It's such an ugly thing to be and ftms tend to be so shy and camp sounding and weak and quiet.

  8. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    op ignore other posts and answer this question

    would you rather be a cis woman in a world where cis women aren't sexualized or would you rather be a cis man

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I would easily rather be a cis man. But I cant exactly imagine that world. Sexuality aside men are generally just much more assertive and I admire that trait. I dont feel good enough around other men.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Green

        This is exactly how I feel, it really sucks. I could never imagine myself ever becoming male, socially or physically. It just seems so foreign. But that doesn't make you less trans, it's just the product of being born female.

        Nobody told me I had to be a woman, unless you count fantastical societal pressure etc.

        >unless you count fantastical societal pressure etc
        Which does build up over time.
        Seeing FtMs who act like women, believing FtMs are just girls in denial, believing all AFABs are incapable of ever seeming non-womanly.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >I would easily rather be a cis man
        Then it's obvious that you won't be happy detransing. You might be more comfortable in some ways, but that's it. You need to take T, and then you need to accept yourself as a man. This won't make you happy, but you will never be happy if you do not do this.

  9. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Was transitioning just a way to escape myself and to cope with sexualised female puberty?
    yes obviously
    >Have I been coping all this time, running from myself?
    yes obviously
    go directly to detroon, do not pass go, do not collect $200

  10. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Was transitioning just a way to escape myself and to cope with sexualised female puberty?

    Probably.

    It used to be that people got extensive therapy first before they transition, they need to rule out stuff like past sexual abuse and autism, now they are giving out hormones like Halloween candy, when its use for transition is actually off label, and all transexual surgeries are consider experimental in the US so you can't sue.

    Stop the hormones, talk to a therapist about the sexualization stuff first.

    You should do what I do at your age though: crossdressing. Get a bulky hacket from a guy friend or a guy cousin because the smell helps you pass. I'm still "genderqueer" but I"m a lot more accepting of my biological sex once I found out that it's not all green on the other side and that guys get sexually harassed too -- except nobody would help them.

    My brother got felt up by girls at anime conventions to the point where they ruined it for him.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      i'm living fully as a man and getting sober by just how lonely it actually is and how much effort you need to put into orchestrating romantic/sexual relationships. Not that I ever experienced that as a woman, I did the ftm equivalent of 'boymoding' for like 4 years and never like engaged with relationships as a female. But the grass definitely isn't greener, and if you have self esteem issues as a man you can be sure as hell no one will be around to uplift you.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        OP should seek therapy for depression first, as well as check if OP has autism or even OCD (which I have...and I am about to have more sessions to check if I have autism as well).

        Traditionally Gender dysphoria was a type of body dysphoria where one feels like they were in the wrong body, someone who was born with a penis felt that penis was alien to them for example. It's so strong that eventually surgery was recommended -- there are healthy people who feels like they should be amputee to the point where they cut off body parts, and the doctor might help because it's safer than letting them DIY -- traditionally that's what gender dysphoria is it's really really rare.

        I find it alarming that tomboys (guyish girls) and femboys (feminine mem) are being largely repaced by transwoman and transman -- whereas before 'crossdressing' will do now we are doing hormones and surgery which is physically harmful and should only be done if that is the only thing that fixes the patient -- but they need to try other stuff first!

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >My brother got felt up by girls at anime conventions to the point where they ruined it for him.
      What was he wearing?

  11. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    you should talk to an actual gender therapist, asking on tttt is just gonna net you a lot of weird biased opinions either way

  12. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Easuest way to check would be a brain scan . Source @1:09:45

  13. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >transitioned but still fucking hate myself
    yep, same here. i’m not ftm though. i’m stealth but i think my feelings aren’t about transition it’s just depression

  14. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    probably, yeah. the fact that you typed all this out and suspect it yourself means there's likely some truth to it. take some time to meditate and think about it. be thankful you didn't chop your tits off or anything irreversible. if it turns out you're right about this being a defense mechanism, check out r/detrans, they've got lots of info.

  15. 2 weeks ago
    future wife

    you can be trans & have unrelated depression. see a therapist.

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