>be mtf
>look like a girl, sound like one, always seen as a girl by strangers
>find cis woman gf (somehow)
>probably the only person in the whole wide world who truly loves me
>We talk and find out that we were both depressed in our pasts years ago (she got it treated clinically and did recover)
>her mood is great for a year and a half or so
>she starts getting more and more moody in the past 3 or 4 months
>her symptoms get worse and I tell her that she has all of the symptoms of depression and that I would always support her no matter what she is going through
>she tells me that she's just not feeling that good recently
>her symptoms worsen and I tell her to go to a professional
>she declines
>it gets worse and I tell her to at least get some form of help
>she gets really angry at me and kind of hits me (not in a physical abuse kind of way but she has really never acted like this)
>she then breaks down and says that she is sorry for being under a cloud for so long
>I tell her that it's not her fault and tell her to talk to any professional
>she still declines
I really don't know what to do, there is no one to advise me irl at all and the advice I've heard before is really bad, I feel horrible for not knowing how to deal with this and at this point it's breaking my heart and mental state to see her go from as happy as she was in the first 1 and a half years in our relationship to now this.
what do I do? Is it my fault? Is it normal for this to happen? I just need someone to give me any form of advice no matter what it is, I just want someone else's opinion
She needs to talk to someone whos gone through this and gone through treatment successfully. Starting is the hardest part. Usually you dont feel like you deserve it
but the problem is that she is just not willing to talk about it at all to anyone, she is in complete denial, she either just does not want to get help or rather does not believe that she is depressed when she clearly is
I think it may be because she is afraid of going through the same pain she went through before? but I really just cannot know since she is not willing to share, which is really strange since she is usually very open to me
I feel for you, sweetie, I really do. Its grueling to watch someone you love be in pain and its hard not to panic about thinking of what to do. My best advice here would be meet her at her level for a bit. Professionals are there to help us, but sometimes it doesn't make someone feel good to be told to see one, even if they might actually want to. I know you mean it out of love because you want her to feel better, but sometimes, even if they logically know you dont mean it that way,, people can feel like they're being told they're wrong or that the person speaking to them just wants to foist the problem on someone else if they're told to see a doctor. Her seeing someone might be part of how she recovers, but I think in the immediate moment you should focus on simply being there for her in whatever way you can. Listen, help her relax, be present. Make it known through your actions first that you're there for her and can take the burden off her shoulders for a moment. Talk to her to understand whats going on inside her head and help her clear her mind. Rub her shoulder and let her cry if she needs to. Sometimes people need that kind of thing for a minute before they can get up again. It might be hard to not seem anxious and worried, but do it for her. She seems like she needs comfort for a moment. I know you'll do just fine, its very clear you love her deeply. <3
thank you for the kind words and advice!!
Yeah, I see that now, she probably feels really uncomfortable with the idea of going through the same pain she did before, when we initially started dating she used to talk a lot about how much better her life is than it used to be when she was depressed, that it feels like a God himself blessed her, so I can understand how painful it would feel to be told that you are going through something that you believed to be over forever and never expected to return.
I might try to contact the old professional she used to go to, just to know more about her past sufferings. I will try to take it slower and move with her pace, I will help her get through this no matter what, thank you for your advice <3
She doesn't see a comfortable future with you. You have to act as her husband and assure her that she can have kids and be a stay-at-home mom. And also make her do daily physical exercise.
thank you for your advice!
she has told me since the beginning of our relationship that she doesn't really care about having kids (she isn't opposed to it but doesn't exactly have a huge desire to have kids either) and she does want and have a career (we both have stable careers) I will ask her if she wants me to take a more "masculine" form in our relationship dynamic, if she does I will do it as I would do anything for her, though from what I know she really doesn't mind either way
>I will ask her if she wants me to take a more "masculine" form in our relationship dynamic, if she does I will do it as I would do anything for her
Ewww this is why no tranny should date cis women
is there anything wrong with wanting to fulfill your partner's desires?
Have you tried age regression?
rapehon
most strangers see me as a girl and don't suspect that I'm trans, she probably wouldn't be attracted to me if I didn't look like a girl
The best thing my gf and I ever did when both of us refused to get mental health treatment was to cease contact until we were both mentally stable enough to be in a relationship. This isn't what anyone wants to hear, though.
It's worrying that you're already excusing physical abuse. No, it isn't your fault and it is not normal behavior.
I don't think asking her to leave would be a good decision, I think I should help her with the problems she is facing rather than just ask her to leave and only return if she gets better, which is what that would effectively be
What she did there wasn't really all that bad, she is facing very negative emotions and so did a bad thing which didn't even affect me that much, she immediately apologised and felt horrible about it.
I think the only thing you can do then is be there for her - listen, offer to clean her kitchen or take out the trash, offer to help her with laundry, find excuses too drag her outside a bit for little walks; you can massage her, plan a movies or game night to take her mind off of things, and make sure she eats enough; maybe offer to cook a huge batch of something easy and mealprep it so there’s always something in the fridge she can just pop in the microwave. Get her some supplements maybe, could be low on iron, b12, magnesium etc
thank you for your advice, yeah, I have tried to lessen her work and burden and will try to do more, we usually split house work in half but I'll try to do more to lessen her burden, I have already started doing that as she does feel lethargic and without energy a lot nowadays (which is one of the symptoms of depression)
My gf also struggles with depression. When she's had bad spells, I've found the easiest thing to do is remove barriers for her. Instead of you "you need to see a professional" say "here's a list of professionals nearby I found that looked good, do you want me to help you schedule an appointment with one of them?"
I do not have depression, but I understand it makes things like that seem like insurmountable tasks- and inertia prevents you from starting on your own
All cis women get like this eventually, best thing to do is pop a baby in her