Sometimes I feel I want to love and be loved. However even the idea of anyone coming to me and telling me they love me is extremely repulsive, do not know why. Someone caring for me or showing concern always appears to be artificial/superficial. I simply love the idea of me by myself. Hate crowded places or being around people and am simply not interested to meet any "nice guy just your type". In fact sometimes, the company of even two or three good friends intensely irritates me.
However I tend to hang out a lot with mostly friends of the opposite sex and that does not bother me. I am not bothered by rumored linkups with anyone (which happens often in my group of friends) and I even call one of them my "hubby". However, the idea itself of falling in love is completely repulsive to me. The fact that ill never be in love does not bother me, but I am confused.