10 reasons social media is a good thing, ~actually~

These days, most people and their grandmas are active on at least a few of the social networking sites. Every day we log into our accounts, doomscroll our feeds, and comment, like, repost, clap to, share, and DM our friends and our most hated celebrities.

And while there's literally 5000000 articles on why social media is bad (seriously, every blog and outlet has covered this to death -- us included), we thought we'd explore the other side of the coin. Here's 10 reasons why social media technology has had a positive influence on our lives, actually.

Social media helps us keep the kiddos safe

Safety is so important, and that's why it will be a red thread running through several of these entries. Because you see, in the olden days our little folks would roam free of adults' watchful eyes, and if something happened to them -- like a powertool or animal attack -- nobody found out about it until the kiddo was all bled out!

But now, little ones are given an iPad and a twitter handle pretty much as soon as they are born. From the moment a kiddo wakes up and until he/she/they goes to bed, adults can silently insert themselves into their amazing lives and keep an eye on things from anywhere on the planet. Also, by training new humans to watch the YouTube kids app, you can rest assured they will be consuming fun and age-appropriate content instead of running off to get themselves abducted or powertooled.

Social media keeps power in the hands of the oppressed

Sushi with a side of deplatforming fuckbois.

Social media allows literally earth saving marginalized journalism like #MeToo and #YesAllWomen to launch into human consciousness like a glorious Arab spring of the genders. Throughout history, the power of crowds demanding immediate action is often how marginalized voices were able to finally achieve true justice. Thanks to social media, this crowd justice has never been easier to organize -- and the results speak for themselves.

In ideal conditions all it takes is a single well constructed tweet at a problematic YouTuber's sponsors. But social media is pretty much purpose built from the ground up to allow marginalized people to organize revolt against social ailments like transphobia. Power to the people!

Social media allows sex workers to safely get and vet clients

He likes to poop on women's chests, but then again he's worth $250m.

This is so vital. In the primal days of yore, circa the Seinfeld era, a lady of the night ran a good chance of ending up in the trunk of a redneck's leaky Camaro, or at the very least beaten half to death as payment after the deed is done.

Thanks to social media, this gruesome power dynamic has significantly improved in women's favor. A sex worker only has to post a few pics on Instagram and she can have her choice of wealthy sheiks willing to fly her away to mystical sand maps full of money and weird kinks. If anything should happen to her, the internet police have all the logs and IP addresses at their disposal.

Social media is a time capsule for cherished memories

Different social media platforms boast unique features -- and can even be customized to your liking with Twitter management tools -- but most are now offering time capsule features. Social media by definition is a timeline sequence of bitesized human expressions, so when you have time capsule features turned on, you can relive meaningful old moments in years to come. We all need an occasional hit of nostalgia, and it's better when it's randomly thrown at us by an algo.

Photo prints might get lost, but social media is forever -- as long as you stay up to date on the Terms of Service and Community Guidelines. While over a billion people worldwide have been blacklisted from social media to combat harmful disinformation, that's usually for a good reason like misinformation, botting, or domestic terrorism. And do terrorists and bots deserve rights?

Social media allows everyday Janes like you and me to yell at celebrities

But don't be surprised if they yell back, especially if you say something ignorant.

Seth Rogen instragram reply

Before social media, people could easily spread nasty rumors about celebrities and politicians, which was wildly unfair. Celebrities and politicians have it rougher than you think and often literally carry a whole globe of responsibility on their shoulders. Thankfully, social media allows celebrities to defend themselves and clap back at nasty trolls.

Cardi B tweet

Social media allows us to screen psychos out of our lives

Before social media, people you knew and interacted with on an intimate and daily basis could easily keep their batshitiest craziest views to themselves. Chances are they didn't even know of these terrible sides of themselves until they met their polar opposites online.

So after social media and its irresistible daily news cycle lure, you finally got to learn that aunt Bettie is an avowed anti-abortion activist, and cousin Bob is a 2nd Amendment lunatic who won't shut up about the "great reset" conspiracy theory. Yeeet that sheet.

Social media enables long distance and modern dynamic group relationships

Whether you're a traditional cis couple who can barely manage to stay apart for a work conference, or a polycule of 24 where half of you identify as voyeur paypigs, social media lubricates the engines of your passions and bridges the physical distance. And it's only going to get better as we all start to get hooked into the Metaverse.

Social media helps us communicate better

Face-to-face IRL communication was the norm before modern technology and social media was developed, but as a species we have since evolved to become selfcare conscious. Selfcare is very useful tool to have that comes with many benefits, but as a side effect we can't handle IRL communication as well. Social media allows us to bandage up that wound, mainly only deal with the people we most enjoy, and get on with our lives. We can only cry so many times before we're all cried out, after all.

Social media has also improved interpersonal communication and dialogue by giving everybody an equal footing. Before social media, people might try to end an argument by pointing out a flaw in your physical appearance instead of attacking your argument. Since I've taken all of my arguing online, I haven't received as many fatphobic remarks and nobody can tell that I have autism. And sure, there are still people who make fatphobic remarks online, but they are usually banned, thus improving online discourse and communication in general.

Social media allows women to screen dates better

This kind of goes along with the "screening out psychos" part, but it's especially important when it comes to finding out who you're going to let inside of your pants. You see, in the old days, you might fall in love before you even got to find out if he voted for the good guys or the bad guys. Thanks to social media, we can now properly vet the guys -- even back to their childhood if needed.

But let's say you're not looking for love and just want to be dominated by a burly Trump supporter as a one-time thing (we've all been there, sister), then you can use social media for that too. With modern dating apps, you can find a quick hook-up from a couple towns over, look over their social media, and then hook up one time before never seeing them again. Gone are the days of awkwardly running into all of the men you've slept with, or being stuck in a boring relationship with a "nice guy." But you didn't hear any of that from me. This paragraph doesn't exist and wasn't read. Capiche?

Social media is Community with a big C

No matter your beliefs or lifestyle configuration, social media has a ready to go community tweaked jussst right for you. Do you fap to pixel art from 20yo games? There's whole ass networks of people whose lives are entirely built around that. Is the mailman gangstalking you? Got your validation right here, sis.

Ok, this can be both a good and a bad thing. But mostly good. Wait, why did you read this whole article? It's like 20 pages long. Are you gangstalking me?

  1. 8 months ago

    Omg this expressed what I aways feel when I see those lame articals about social media ruining the youth. I wish boomers die soon.

    • 8 months ago

      This but with less pscyhopathy and spelling errors.

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