You’re probably sitting there thinking there’s no way you’d ever be a Bridezilla. That’s cute. I used to think that, too.
My wedding isn’t until the summer and I already fear for what I will become. The last couple of months have led me on a journey with all the signs pointing to full-blown bridezilla on my wedding day.
Oh, do you think you’re better than me? Do you think this couldn’t possibly happen to you? Well, I’m here to tell you you’re wrong.
You see, it all begins when you’re watching your friends getting engaged and married. One by one, you see your closest girlfriends slowly (some more quickly than others) transform into this stereotypical term: bridezilla. With a smug eye, you swear to yourself you’ll never be that person. Actually, you think, I’m so easy and breezy, my fiancé and I will elope.
#1. You get engaged and immediately start to plan a wedding.
Within the first day of getting engaged, someone will ask you the question, “when do you think the wedding will be?” You believe you’re being so carefree by responding “Oh, I don’t know. We haven’t even thought about it yet. We’re just enjoying being engaged.”
Notice you don’t say you’re going to elope. You’re having a wedding. It’s starting…
#2. Pots — yes, pots — are extremely important to you.
Sure, caring about pots seemed silly before, but now that you’ve found your perfect choice in kitchen wear and signed up on your registry, you’ve grown attached.
You find yourself multiple times a day stalking your registry online and stressing you’re not going to get these stupid pots. WHY AREN’T PEOPLE BUYING THESE EXPENSIVE POTS FOR ME? How will life be complete without them?
#3. It bothers you that guests haven’t gushed over your “Save the Dates.”
Originally you thought you’d just send out a group text telling people the wedding date. But ever since you were convinced to mail one, you grow more and more annoyed that these guests aren’t texting you raving about your amazing magnet. Is it too much for people to just Snapchat you a photo of the STD you worked so hard on?
#4. You’ve developed strong feelings towards a specific color.
You use to love the color yellow but now you won’t even consider a color if it’s not Pantone’s color of the year (YELLOW ISN’T ONE OF THEM). You actually know what Pantone is now.
#5. You’ve considered asking your bridesmaids to dye their shoes to match their dress.
This one doesn’t really need explaining because it’s insane (but will look great in the photos).
#6. You’ve tried on more than five wedding gowns.
Nothing is working. You just want something that’s easy and bridal. Nope, not this one. No, that has too much lace. Gross, that one has too little lace. GUESS WHAT? Turns out that you’re a picky little bitch when it comes to wedding dresses. Who knew?
#7. Every person who RSVPs “no” has you plotting your revenge.
You’ve said “no” to tons of weddings, but now that the shoe is on the other foot it’s person. HOW DARE THEY NOT ATTEND. Unless, they were on the “B” list. Then, whatever.