Scare myself away

I have only had two serious relationships and the rest were all in fun I suppose. The first one was my first love.....and the second love is the one I have now. We have been together for just under a year and a half mark. Let me add, this is the only relationship of mine that's gone this long and with that not one break up (which usually I do many a time in my relationships).

I have been struggling the last month with myself trying to go back and forth b/w thoughts. I have had been hurt in the past, but it really comes down to having see a brutal and still after years watching two parents destroy one another. I guess I have built up a fear of getting close enough to let that ever happen to me.

This guy I thought was a sure thing, yet lately I just feel guilty and panic or get super nervous and again panic. I don't know what to do, I keep trying to swallow down the panic and move on, but it creeps up and I can't breathe to be quite honest. It's become an anxiety. I don't want do something I will soon regret, because I know I will regret it.

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