returning to academia/life after an abusive relationship and a suicide attempt?

I'm 21. I got kicked out of my parents house for being a lesbian. Ended up living with my partner, and things got really intense really quick. Neither of us were ready to move in with one another and things got out of hand.

Here were two young people thrust into this adult situation of having to play house knowing that we weren't ready to understand or be with one another at this level. It was hell. We fought about a lot, but tried to bury it under layers of love bombing. It's the typical early 20s romance vibe that breaks down really quick due to its intensity.

Things took a turn for the worse eventually, we had a fight, and I tried to kill myself. I ended up going to the hospital to get checked for damage to my throat from the noose. There's not much I felt around that point other than a deep well of apathy, mostly thanks to the valium the hospital staff kept feeding me to help me not break down. I eventually had my CT scan though, and they saw no damage. Fun fact about CT scans, they make you feel like you're pissing yourself because of the dye.

Anyways, I got back on my feet after I was let go and they refused to put me into the psych ward. Why would they let an obviously suicidal person out into the world? I have no clue.

I ended up staying at a friend's place who helped me process what happened and to assure me that I'm not awful for trying to die or whatever. I'm doing way better now and got my own apartment and an income. However, I want to go back to university to continue studying, but it feels like such a lifetime ago even though it's only been like a year and a bit since I fell out of it due to issues.

What should I do? How do I just go back into life after feeling myself go through hell to the point where I almost tried to die?

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  1. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    You are not a lesbian, being a lesbian is chemically impossible for women. You have a warm hole between your legs designed by nature to please men. Male attention dominates every aspect of your life and I’m assuming this lesbian relationship was either a cry for help or a cope because lack of male attention. Your body tells you to get pregnant from a high quality man, that’s your goal. Anything outside of that goal will not lead to happiness. Accept that you have a warm hole to please men and do what nature intended, then you’ll be happy

    But you also sound psychotic with daddy issues so idk

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Reality of situation is that you are in the wrong for being a lesbian. Stop doing that, go back to your parents and sincerely apologize. Go make nice with them and get your life back on track.

      I asked how to get back into studying, not how to gaslight myself straight

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        >asks for advice
        >gets advice
        >”no I don’t like that advice give me other advice”

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          >asks for advice
          >gets told instead not to be gay
          >nothing about going to university

          Y'all are just really hung up on the lesbian thing. How about y'all pretend I'm a straight white boy and do the same thing?

          • 1 year ago
            Anonymous

            Get your life back on track probably includes going to university bro. Doesn't mean being a lesbian is the right thing to do.

  2. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Reality of situation is that you are in the wrong for being a lesbian. Stop doing that, go back to your parents and sincerely apologize. Go make nice with them and get your life back on track.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      > But you also sound psychotic with daddy issues so idk
      You sound like a c**t. She's obviously fricked up. No need to stress it again.

  3. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    I was in a somewhat similar situation myself. Decided to take the easy way out, didn't work. Was taken to a psych ward. Wasted a few weeks there. Tried it again, didn't work again. This time even more time wasting inside a psych ward. All I ended up with is some hideous looking scars on my wrists. The thing is, you'll eventually realise that it's useless. It doesn't matter in the end. Might as well try and do the shit you want to do.

    Anyway, I need some more info to try and answer your question
    >What should I do? How do I just go back into life after feeling myself go through hell to the point where I almost tried to die?
    What exactly made you want to do it? Something in college? Home? Or your "girlfriend"? You weren't exactly clear.
    What's stopping you from just renting your place and enrolling right now?

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      >What exactly made you want to do it?
      A lot of things. I had experiences with feeling suicidal and isolated living with her due to her generally feeling dejected, plus a bunch of family and identity issues which caused me to dissociate on the regular. I was basically like a live in maid for her, always kind of taking care of her shit and it just got absurd. I couldn't focus on a lot of my studies and getting things done was next to impossible. Sometimes she'd just have random breakdowns about things and I'd help her get better, but sometimes it'd happen on a deadline and I'd need to get shit done. It was really just a lot

      >What's stopping you from just renting your place and enrolling right now?

      I'm already enrolled, just on warning for doing bad for that period of time. I already got my place too, it's more just trying to figure out how to get back into a headspace that feels normal after I saw myself practically fall apart through trynna kms.

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        >I'm already enrolled, just on warning for doing bad for that period of time. I already got my place too, it's more just trying to figure out how to get back into a headspace that feels normal after I saw myself practically fall apart through trynna kms
        Seems like you got most of your shit already figured out then. I'm assuming you've cut ties with that girl. You might relapse and try to go back to her but do yourself a favor and try to suppress them.
        Most of your problems seems like the kind you need to find the answers for yourself. Motivation can be hard to find but keep hold of it whenever it comes to you.
        From my experience, the thing that made me want to do better was reminding myself the position I was in, the shameful shit I did and how fricked in the head some of the people I assumed were my friends are. Truth be told, most of my motivation came from anger. It paid off for me. Might work for you, only you know.
        Do you already attend therapy?

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          >Truth be told, most of my motivation came from anger
          I totally get that. I feel like out of spite I want to succeed to show the idiot voice in my brain telling me everything's hopeless that I can do something. It may not be healthy, but being a controlled ball of rage seems doable.

          I'm planning on therapy, just on a fat waiting list for it.

          • 1 year ago
            Anonymous

            >I'm planning on therapy, just on a fat waiting list for it.
            Try to give therapy some priority. It helped a shit ton for me even if it was expensive. You might have to jump from therapist to therapist for awhile though.
            How're you doing on cash? Got a job? If you haven't already, try to find a part time job or something, even if you're already good cash for now. You never know.
            If something happens and you frick up, don't let it get to your head. None of it matters and there will always be someone to take care of your body when you eventually die. Just try live it out the way you want until then.

          • 1 year ago
            Anonymous

            Shit advice. But thanks.

          • 1 year ago
            Anonymous

            Hey, it is what it is. You shouldn't go cherrypicking this shit.

          • 1 year ago
            Anonymous

            Honestly this is how I've been feeling for a while but I think I just needed the assurance of another person to help it set in. Thank you anon :3

  4. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Based parents. I hope you die alone, degenerate dyke.
    Christ will punish you with eternal torture for not breeding and contributing to white genocide

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      stay mad i get more pussy than you

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        No amount of pussy will ever make your parents love you, degenerate filth

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          Ignore her, bro. Dykes are ugly, fat or both. Nobody wants lesbo pussy.

  5. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >I tried to kill myself
    Try again and succeed this time, stupid dyke.

  6. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    lesbian women treat the rest of the GBT community like shit. You deserve to be shit on.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      The HDMIBLT community is full of rejects.

      >asks for advice
      >gets told instead not to be gay
      >nothing about going to university

      Y'all are just really hung up on the lesbian thing. How about y'all pretend I'm a straight white boy and do the same thing?

      You must be a real country girl, y’all.

      >asks for advice
      >gets advice
      >”no I don’t like that advice give me other advice”

      Reality of situation is that you are in the wrong for being a lesbian. Stop doing that, go back to your parents and sincerely apologize. Go make nice with them and get your life back on track.

      Are right.

      >asks for advice
      >gets advice
      >”no I don’t like that advice give me other advice”

      Nails it. You just want affirmation.

      Lose weight and stop licking clam, life isn’t all bad. Even if you’re fat a black guy will take you in at least till you get preggo

  7. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >I'm 21. I got kicked out of my parents house for being a lesbian

    Stopped reading at that part.

  8. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Get on Adderall that's the only way forward

  9. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    You seem like a bit of a c**t but I'll chime in. Try getting into routines that will make university life easier. For example, get into the habit of sitting down for 30 minutes and reading. Do it every day at a set time.

    Some sort of light meal prep is also useful (ex cutting and prepping the veggies for whatever dish you're making). A decent exercise routine is good too, for the stress, but you have to stick with it even during the hard times.

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Been doing this lately. Got myself a pullup bar and have been developing my lats. Getting more sunlight since I did a physical and found my vitamin D levels looking pretty low due to my programming and maths hermit lifestyle. Meal prep isn't a problem since I've lived on shoestring budgets before since I've had issues with homelessness and bad jobs/landlords/housemates, plus my roommate does some cooking as well. It's very communal, kinda nice really sharing resources and keeping things maintained.

  10. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    Ignore trolls.

    It might be wise to take things slow. Give yourself a year to get mentally/emotionally healthy (perhaps with professional help) before taking on the new stress of being a student. You might try getting a job and taking one evening class.

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