Ive been with my boyfriend for 9 months now. Hes 17 and in his last high school year. Hes supposed to graduate in 2 weeks but he is on track to failing. Ive tried to help him. A couple days ago he said we need to take a break. He didnt indicate how long but i asked him "how about until the end of school?" And he just nodded and i left.
I dont exactly know how to handle this, i love him so much and normally we spend a lot of time together. Im also worried about this "break" lasting forever. I've been talking with his mom every day (we are close) and she says he isnt mad at me and hes just depressed and stressed out. I have no idea why hes pushing me away. Is a break even a real thing? Hopefully in 2 weeks we will see each other again. Im really scared this will last forever.
Anons please give advice. Please lie to me and say everything will be okay, even if maybe 4 chan isnt the place for that. Feel free to ask any questions. Picrel is a message from his mom
He'a an idiot and adulthood is gonna hit him like a truck of bricks probably but he probably doesn't want to break up if that's what you mean he's just grounded
I know its gonna hit him hard. I want him to move in with me after summer. He wants to go to a trades school and i think he will be great at it.
You really dont think he wants to break up? Thats my biggest fear right now. I have to keep telling myself that im catastophizing.
>grounded
Like when ur parents dont let you go out? They didnt say anything about that but im not exactly sure what theyve talked to him about. I know his mom had a discussion with him about the stuff in picrel right before he told me hes taking a break. It seems like hes saying that for himself and its not his parents because his mom doesnt know why he wants this. She told me we just have to respect his wishes right now.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9U4iu_OHZJs
Okay how do i do any of this if he doesnt want to see me for at least 2 weeks.
How can i do any of this right now :/
Any advice for now while im lonely? I cant sleep alone unless i drink myself to sleep so ive been sleep calling random people on discord
Okay cool. Do u have any personal advice for me. Im too lonely i need to build myself back up again so im ready
Are + or -
You know 17( > or <)
Than him age wise.
Or =
Over 18 obviously
Not rich at all but spoiled son maybe.
Thank you for this. Ive been trying to just let it be. Its so hard though. Ive been drinking lots to try to forget it or ignore until it passes. Like boats you said.
Yeah like im not going to wait forever and im not going to put too much effort in until he shows hes ready to be with me properly again.
Okay. Im really trying i promise. I just dont know what to do with myself when im alone and i cant stop worrying.
>Thank you for this. Ive been trying to just let it be. Its so hard though. Ive been drinking lots to try to forget it or ignore until it passes. Like boats you said.
Yep np, no drinking for now it makes it harder to let your thoughts pass.
Heres how to do it.
>close your eyes relax your face, eyes, and tongue, take slow belly breaths, send a slow relaxation wave from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet, then focus in you minds eye (forehead) and let all your thoughts pass watch them like a movie or a boat passing (dont jump onit) if you start feeling stuff ride it out let it pass. Just watch them thoughts all good and bad ones don't get sucked into the story or try to control them, if you do its all good you just comeback and resume watching them you'll see some crazy ones and feel all kinds of feeling just let them pass. Focus on your breath and noise around you it'll help to stay present
Do it 5-10mins 1st thing in the morning and before sleep or more to let go of thoughts.
You know its one of my business who you date but your younger bf doesn't need a 2nd mom worrying over him its makes us guy feel useless and emasculated.
Give it time.
Heres butter dropping some wisdom related youtu.be/6S2rL7qdUnY
Damn, she seems like such a good mom. It's too bad her son is so fucked up. Let me guess, rich parents?
Look quit stressing it your looking to the future you cant see what's going to happen. He may just be feeling like a failure and wouldnt want his unknown age woman seeing him in a low state or he may just need to focus for a minute or it might be completely unrelated, either way let it play out your setting yourself up for a relief bomb or a self fulfilling prophecy that'll cause you to have a hard time trusting.
Just give him his space and you quit listening to all your thoughts trying to rationalize what he meant one way or another just let them pass like boats in the water let them thoughts pass.
I don't think the break is really an issue that matters to you or anything you're in control of.
For you I'd be more concerned with starting to set limits on how much you'll let him mess up your life.
Just give him space
>Hes 17
HE'S 17??? WTF YOU SICK FUCK YOU GROOMER HOLY SHIT
He's a man I was at his age.
Pic rel
Though i may not agree with having an older gf personaly its his choice
Okay im just a yr older 😐
U sure no drinking 🙁 its how ive been falling asleep.
>U sure no drinking 🙁 its how ive been falling asleep
Yes. No drinking.
Trust I've tried it just numbs u but that's about it you can drink if you want but make sure your not buzzing or drunk when doing it at night.
If you want the source vid on how to watch and let your thoughts pass i got it from a video called silent prayer by jesse lee peterson.
Oh okay i will do that i found the video. I certainly need to pray more.
Ive also not been eating at all ive loat my appetite. Any advice for that?
Its you stressing yourself out over your bf. Do the silent prayer and let it go, you'll get rid of that stress, fall asleep faster and you'll get your appetite back.
The first few times i did it i was relax i felt super sleepy.
I like this 12min one its just the right length For me.
Just remember if you feel scared or worried while doing it ride it out its just the fear and worry leaving the body.
Thank you so much i honestly feel q lot better right now
Np, good to hear.
Did you do it already? The silent prayer i mean
Imagine the loser girl that hangs her future on a 17 yo who hasn't even, and may not, graduate HS cause hes already partying hard. Gotta be really desperate to be OP
Ah I remember a period in my life like that.
If you care about him, you will be the lighthouse for his ship which is being blown about by the storm.
I would suggest you going to his place after school and doing your study there. You must do it in a common room, such as the kitchen table, or the lounge room table. If there are other people there, bring headphones to help you concentrate.
If he wants to do things other than study, set a 5 minute timer, and do it (kissing is okay, taking a break to have a coffee outside is okay, helping his mother too chop vegetables is okay, but he must help too - and again - only for 5 minutes). Your goal isn't to make nice with mummy, it's to study - to be the lighthouse.
When the 5 minutes is up, stop, get up, and go back to the kitchen table to study. This is crucial. You have to become Ms Study with Studying Superpower.
It will be weird at first, discuss it with his mother, and get her to agree. She also has to not say anything if he complains or asks why, she should only shrug, go "hm, she needs a place to study" and walk away from him to do something like the laundry, kitchen, backyard, like it's her regular routine.
Once his brain stops spinning, he will feel left out and want to join you studying. It might take a few days, it all depends how deep his stress is.
Even if he storms out yelling "I know what you're trying to do!" just shrug and go back to studying. He will be thinking about you and what you're doing. You will be his lighthouse. He will eventually turn towards you and safe harbour.
The trick is to be calm, focused, but also have that 5 minute period as a "reward".
I will offer some extra advice. Most men know. We know what we should be doing, we know what women are thinking when we look at you. He will know your plan as soon as he sees you. You don't need to say anything. If he demands an explanation, ask him to tell you what he thinks you're doing. Shrug, nod and smile, and study/5 mins reward.
Thats sounds great. Id love to do that except he doesnt want to see me at all right now. Fuck. I want to just go to his house and be there for him. I dont get why hes pushing me away. I see im a distraction but i feel like the best thing might actually be to not see each other for now. It hurts. I just hope that when hes ready he will come back to me. Fuck i just love him so much. Stupid ramble. Thanks for the advice anon