10 reasons you should never date a pornstar The pros just don't outweight the cons.

Look, I should first say that I don’t have any problem with Internet pornography or adult film actresses. And there is probably a very substantial list of reasons why dating a porn actress would possibly be one of the most awesome things to happen in your life. For starters, you can get that “My other ride is a porn star” bumper sticker you always wanted to slap on your Jetta! And I’m sure there are other (mind-blowing) things that would be make a relationship of this sort both exciting and fascinating (maybe terrifying).

Yet, from a male perspective, I feel like doing so would be a burden on your sanity. There are a lot of things to consider before entering into a relationship with an adult film actress.

Every guy will hit on her

There is something mysterious about a woman that attracts us to them in the first place. History tells us that most men will treat a woman differently after sleeping with her.

But porn stars seem to unlock what we’ll call the “I’ve seen you naked” Paradox. Consider how many men watch porn (according to studies, it’s somewhere around 100%) and factor in the fact that the people who have seen you girlfriend naked will literally be everywhere you go.

Now, most men would see an attractive woman who is way out of his league and would simply leave her alone or halfheartedly hit on her. But this man has seen your lady do the nasty so many times that through the transitive property of the horny male mind, he has a shot with her no matter his looks, location, or social status.

The fact that someone is a porn star is often misconstrued by men as “she’ll be most likely to have sex with me because it is her job, after all.” And while you may be basking in the thought of sleeping with one; you probably couldn’t be more off-base. But, if you were dating an adult actress, men would hit on her everywhere she went. Of course this happens with every beautiful woman, but coupled with the delusion that every guy that hits on her in a grocery store probably thinks shes going to immediately take them to their car and change their life sexually in the back row of the Trader Joe’s parking lot — you have a makings of a potentially volatile situation every time you go out in public.

You are going to get into fights with other dudes

No guy likes when other dudes are creeping on his girlfriend, but when guys at in the line at 7-11 start using the opening line “I’d like to give you like a footlong? And it’s not the one in my hand…” What the hell are you supposed to do? Obviously, you would have to confront the guy. But can you blame him? That was an awesome line and I mean come on, when is this guy gonna get another chance to use a gem like that? Answer: Probably never.

But that’s your girl. You have to do the “Hey, Buddy. Who you talking to?” routine and more than likely a scuffle of some sort will end with either fisticuffs or an exchange of sharp language in the parking lot.

And this would happen all the damn time. Everywhere you go someone will say something crude or grab her ass. In simple terms: the inappropriate level that your woman brings out in people of the general public will be off the damn charts.

So go out and purchase a pair of boxing gloves, a Bowflex, and the most comprehensive health insurance plan that you can afford; you are going to need to be fit and ready to fight at all times.

She will be probably be hot. People will notice that. They will whisper…

Many adult film actresses have had ample work done on their faces and maybe boosted a few key areas with some silicone during their time in the Valley. How you look on camera is more important than anything else in the porn industry. So other men and women are going to notice her as you are out and about.

Not all of them, but enough to catch you attention and maybe make you a little paranoid. It’s the good kind of paranoid until you realize what people are thinking about when they see her.

Probably most embarrassing if she has had some work done on her chest area and the stewardess mentions flotation devices and everyone looks at your girlfriend’s chest and whispers, “Well, she’ll ain’t drowning.”

Everything she does will be “well documented”

And this is just her early work.

It’s not like she used to be stripper and you can maybe keep a lid on or keep a low profile. Once you go into porn, you are always in porn. There will be pictures, films and Web sites all devoted to her and what she does for a living floating around for the rest of time.

It is the least discreet occupation a person can have. And it will more than likely be an inescapable part of her life. If you decided at some point that you wanted to move somewhere and get a fresh start, you’d still probably find people that knew who your girlfriend was. The internet is, like, everywhere. They even have it in Delaware.

You will almost never want to talk about her day at work

Yep.

No guy ever wants to ask, “Hey Beautiful, what did you do at work today?” and hear “An entire football team.”

That talk your girlfriend has about the bitchy girl in her office is annoying, certainly. But it probably can’t compare to hearing your porn star girlfriend talking about how she can’t see out of her right eye due to Johnny Sinz’s errant aim.

Shame

I said before that I personally don’t think of adult film stars as bad or sinful people. However, a lot of people you encounter on a day-to-day basis do.

The stigma of having sex for a living is still a very touchy (no pun intended) subject. And by that, I mean, most people (guessing mostly female in nature) will judge your girlfriend adversely once they find out what she does for a living. She will probably be called a slut or a whore behind your/her back at most turns and when she is dressed for work… people will know what she does. They just will. Nobody dresses like that at 2pm on a Tuesday afternoon.

Is it embarrassing? Well, that would be up to you. Some people wouldn’t let the situation affect them, but I’m guessing sometimes you’d feel a bit ashamed.

Sure, sex is great and we live in liberated times, but if your lady’s number of sexual partners possibly numbers into the hundreds…well, sex is supposed to be a shared bond between two people (maybe three if you get her drunk enough).

But if you love this person and don’t care about anything else, then you aren’t worried about people staring and whispering when they see her. I congratulate you and can say without question that you are a better than I. Love conquers all.

Good luck telling Grandma what your lady did in her last project “Blondes Under the Big Top 4: Clowns on Patrol” during Thanksgiving dinner.

Psycho stalkers

Remember Bjork and Ricardo Lopez? What do you think your pornstar girlfriend’s stalkers are going to do when they find out she’s attached? Exactly — you don’t know, because nuts are entirely unpredictable.

People are going to want pictures and autographs from her

This is probably going to be uncomfortable and borderline inappropriate. “Can I see your piercings?” and “Will you sign my ass?” and “Now, tell me this isn’t the biggest one you’ve ever seen?” will become the questions you will start to hear in your sleep.

She will have award shows and film openings that you will have to go to

Imagine a room filled to the brim with people from the adult film industry. Men and women of various shapes and color all coming together to celebrate their achievements in the film industry.

You look around and maybe take a few laps with your lady. Now, when you meet guys from her past, you sometimes get “the look.” That look is basically a guy insinuating that he’s shared a bed with your girlfriend in a Biblical sense. It’s the worst look a guy can give another guy.

Now, imagine the next 3 hours of your life, where you go up and shake someones hand and every time you do, you get that look. And remember, in this situation it’s not just men who give you that look. And while that fact is kinda sexy, I imagine that you would probably just drink heavily and try not to ask too many questions.

And then you realize that “the look” isn’t the worse thing that could happen to you tonight. You ask yourself, “I wonder how many of these people have slept with my girlfriend” and then an hour later you have that question is passionately answered on a 30 foot movie screen as a room full of people watch and cheer the screams of your one-and-only in the throws of passion with one or several strangers. Not a fun prospect.

Ah, who the hell cares!! You only go around once in this life, right? **

** That is not what she said.

P.S. Are you using Brave yet? Delay the skynet by using the browser that automatically strips all tracking and ads. Brendan Eich (of JavaScript fame) is its CEO.

Shawn Norris

Shawn Norris used to write things for National Lampoon and the now-defunct Blue Monkey Disco Party as "Douche Larue." Now he spends most of his time writing jokes, scripts, and trying to find a literary agent that will return his calls. Even though he wasn’t born yet, he often takes credit for faking the moon landing. Also, he’s allergic to tequila -- it makes him breakout in felonies.

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Reality Now
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Reality Now

They are significantly safer than a date off the street or night club… they get regular check STD exams. Lot’s of creampie delights too. Be a real man and enjoy life to it’s fullest. For those that worry about coming in contact with another man’s semen (recent or old) you must think the women you have made love to or kissed must be virgins… diffficult to find and did you inspect them 1st. LOL.

Every wonder why men have a climax and most are done and thinking about other things and women are horny for a much longer period… they are meant to breed with as many men as they can thousands of years ago to ensure survival of the species. It is what it is except for the rules, laws, and etc that have been developed over the years by those that are jealous versus free thinkers. Remember the hippy days of the late 60s and 70s… free love between men and women and no strings attached… no different than porn stars expect they make lots of money.

gil
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gil

Um… nobody here seems to even question the assumption that a porn-star girlfriend is going to be the horniest and most sexually adventurous woman you’re ever going to date. I could actually see a porn-star having absolutely no desire to have sex with her boyfriend at all, seeing that she does it all day and it’s her job and she’s probably pretty damn sick of it when she gets home. And so far as the filthy nasty things she does on-screen – just because she’s pretending to enjoy it and getting paid for it doesn’t mean she actually likes it and is going to want to do it with you. News flash: those aren’t actually real orgasms you’re seeing in porn movies. Try to separate fantasy from reality and film from real life here… just because she plays a sex-crazed ho in a movie doesn’t mean that’s her real-life persona.

simon
Guest
simon

did a woman write this s….? the REAL reasons you would NOT want to date her:

a.) drugs and substance abuse
b.) complete lack of self esteem on her behalf making her useless as a partner
c.) diseases (STDs)
d.) zero emotional attachment to sex and a COMPLETE lack of intimacy
e.) MOST come from abused backgrounds with emotional and psychological SCARS (ie. “baggage” for you)
f.) have you met some? 10 wired neurons would be a COMPLIMENT … they’re idiots
g.) prostitution and porn-stars come with “industry” baggage – you don’t want cops and/or “recuperators” coming to your door in the middle of the night – some of these girls (most although perhaps not a few of the “top starlets” are OWNED by their “studios” and the people are NOT NICE FOLKS … UNDERSTAND when you have a GUN TO YOUR f… head.

have a bach party @ a rented place (NEVER @ your home or a friend’s) – screw one WITH protection kick her in the ass out the door when you’re done – then move on to the next fantasy …

plaguewatcher
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plaguewatcher

You are missing the WORST PART
sex workers generally lose interest in sex. oh yeah she may look hot, and do all the right moves but do you really want that?How many carpenters some home and eagerly whip up a cabinet? it might be okay at first “wow this is MY hot babe” but eventually you will realize you can’t giver her anything she will want.

nick
Guest
nick

ok so I have the answer to all 8 of the aforementioned problems, if in fact you are someone who has no problem what-so-ever with porn, and that would be,,,,,,,,,,,,get into the business yourself. I have dealt with many of those in the business in the past, and my perspective is that at least 90% of them want nothing more than to leave the job behind at the end of the day just like everyone else does. The other 10% are mostly the newbies who are busy hobnobbing at parties till all hours to make sure their face is everywhere and they get as much work as possible.

J
Guest
J

I’m dating someone who’s been around.

The sex is great. But her history, is extensive and I’m a part of it. Long story.

I’m fairly sure she’s never done porn. But I hate hearing about some incidents in her past. I know this sounds primitive, but her past, which she has decided to share with me, is a factor in our relationship moving forward.

Manu
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Manu

Of course it would suck dating a porn star. Just think if you kiss her after she came home from work, a dozen dudes would have jizzed on her face that day, gross. That would be like sucking a bunch of dicks after you get home from a long day at the office lol, not good. Plus she’d have an areshole like a cat flap.

twoguns
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twoguns

1. Chlamydia
2. Gonorrhea
3. Syphilis
4. Mycoplasma Genitalium
5. Trichomoniasis
6. Crabs/Pubic Lice
7. Scabies
8. Human Papilloma Virus/HPV
9. HIV/AIDS
10. Herpes/HSV
11. Heroin
12. Cocaine
13. Methamphetamine
14. Crack Cocaine
15. PCP
16. payed to have sex in a permanent medium (whore)
17. Stage queen
18. Strip Club circuit (where she started (to pay for school)
19. honorary gay status – sucking dick by proxy

Davis
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Davis

I am assuming that this writer is refering to american porn stars, who are mostly drug-addled, non-educated bimbos from broken homes. I have dated Eastern European adult stars and they were all intelligent, normal (they look at sex totally different than then the puritans here) and were blessed with a great sense of humor. And besides the occasional “I know you! May I have an autograph?” we were not bothered by slobbering males with excess testosterone and small penises. Except when we were in Italy. But that’s a different sotry.

Voice of Reason
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Voice of Reason

Most if not all porn stars are mentally gently caressed in the head, unless you find one that “dabbled” in porn for a bit and realized to get the gently caress out of it because its a dead end. I live in the SFV and I know porn stars personally, would I ever date one, gently caress no. Putting up with sloppy seconds and thirds is not worth it, dealing with that raw genitalia is neither sexy, romantic or hott. If your self worth is so low that you can justify this then go ahead, you will last a bit with one of these pieces of flesh. Not saying theres anything wrong with a one night stand with one them, use a condom. Go find a girl that doesnt sell her body, there are way hotter women out there.

meathead
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meathead

yeah seriously dude you missed the mark on this one

not every guy is as insecure as you apparently are. as long as nobody touches her when shes not working i would LIKE it that other guys have seen my chick gangbang a football team. and i sure as hell dont have to compete with the john longdonginsteins she works with cuz thats what it is, just work, so i would be proud to parade around with her at awards shows

after all, whose face does she come home to kiss and sit on

slappy
Guest
slappy

Once knew someone who once dated such girl, and you got all 10 wrong, or more correctly, they don’t matter. What will kill the deal is when she’s just got through banging a busload and you want some, and she tells you, not tonight, honey, I’m too tired from work. Then after that happens a handful of times and you make the mistake of offering her money as an inducement (worked for her during the day, didn’t it?), she’ll tell you she’s not a whore. Then reality will begin to sink in. And you’ll look to someone to share the pain with, and then I will say to you once again, I told you so. If you’re lucky, that will be the worst of it. If not, she’ll have passed her herp, the sexual gift that keeps on giving, on to you. And so long after she’s gone, you get to explain to your forgetful mother, just what is that lesion on your lip (and then notice the look on her face when she ponders the matter of, he’s got one on his lip from…my God, does he have the lesion down there as well…what did she do to my baby).

Pussies
Guest
Pussies

You’re all a bunch of insecure pussies. Think of the amount of other pussy that comes along with the pornstar. You know she’s open to threesomes, foursomes, orgies. Most women are promiscuous now days anyway. Do you think of how many cocks have been in there mouth while you are gently caressing them? Doubt it. And this idea that you don’t measure up is retarded. She is obviously dating you for other reasons than your dick size. So grow up and get over it. Enjoy the gift of having a woman who will do every dirty nasty sexual thing you desire. And bring more into the bedroom as well.

Ajames
Guest
Ajames

forgot the possibility of catching an STD. Also, the last one (reason number one) is incorrect. Yes, she’s your girl friend, and yes she’s a porn star. But I highly doubt you’d be invited to any the shows, conventions, award shows, etc. that she gets invited to. I mean, unless she gets you a VIP pass some how, but I still don’t see being invited to each and everyone she goes to. But it would definitely be way awesome to get to tag along with her at a porn convention/awards show.

pat
Guest
pat

MMM yeah that would be nice every time we made love I would get to think about all of the men that have manhandled the poopy out of her before I met her….talk about killing the mood and or significance of making love! I have a hard enough time with my gf now and she has only had 2 long term bf’s and a one night stand before me. No thx….

Ana
Guest
Ana

The same could be said for male porn stars, ladies. (I’m your average pretty girl in grad school) I had a really hot hunk in the industry hit on me…then realize he had 4,500 blow jobs in his life (from both men and women…) and I realized a regular gal like me could never compete.

Johnny Soporno
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Johnny Soporno

I couldn’t agree with you less.

I have dated many dozens of porn stars over the last 15 years or so, culminating with my being [common-law] married to a girl who is both my best friend & my first-choice in bedmates, a mainstream Hollywood porn star who LIVES to lick my jism off of our other girlfriends’ faces.