Pickles: the end-all be-all of answers
What causes consciousness? Pickles
What causes life?
Pickles
What causes illnesses in humans?
Pickles
Facts:
100% of humans that eat pickles eventually develop some form of consciousness
100% of humans that eat pickles will die
Life on other planets has never been found because guess why? There’s no damn pickles there.
Now, before you say what you’re thinking: pickle theory is more solid than any argument I’ve seen on LULZ in months, and has more facts to back it up.
If you call me retarded for pickle theory then you are openly admitting that all of yourselves are megaretarded.
I'm eating a pickle right now.
But you are 100% going to die anon why would you eat the pickle..
a compelling argument. you've given me a lot to think about. does this imply that pickles are also a nootropic? does the brand matter, such as kosher pickles? is this also why israelites, with their kosher salts and kosher pickles earn so many nobel prizes and have all the top spots in academia? it certainly would check out. as a matter of fact the saline in pickle juice could stimulate the neural cascades that go on in the brain. thank you for sharing.
I like zesty garlic spears
You should go on and head back, homosexual redditer
I’ve been here longer than you homosexual. My point stands. This board has devolved into driveling garbage. Anyone with a memory longer than 2 weeks can see it. Pickle theory is unironically the most intelligent post in the catalogue.
MORTY
how do you account for people with consciousness, life, and illnesses who have never eaten pickles before?
I will account for that right after you prove that they’re conscious.
I’ll wait
i can prove that just as well as you can prove the pickle eaters' consciousnesses 🙂
I can prove I’m conscious (to myself), I can also prove I’ve eaten pickles.
The question really is have you eaten pickle?
you really expect me to believe that you're conscious without any proof? since i know i'm conscious, and i know that while i've eaten pickles, so have unconscious npcs like you, i can deduce that pickles and consciousness and not correlated. in fact, since my own consciousness is the only one i can be sure of, i can also deduce that being born in the exact place in space and time that i was to my exact parents are the sole criteria for consciousness, which nothing else in the universe qualifies for. isn't solipsism fun?
>you really expect me to believe that you're conscious without any proof?
>you
>conscious
if you didn't believe that user was conscious, you wouldn't have used a pronoun reserved for conscious beings 🙂
who said it was reserved for conscious beings? i refer to my coffee table as "you" when i call it a fucking cocksucker after stubbing my toe on it. your arbitrary semantics don't apply to me.
You are mentally deranged. Meds.
Your coffe table is unconscious? Better call an ambulance.
>I know i'm conscious, and i know that while i've eaten pickles ..
PICKLE THEORY STANDS UNDEFEATED
why would you accept my claim with no evidence but reject a non-pickle-eater's claim with equally nonexistent evidence
>Facts:
>100% of humans that eat pickles eventually develop some form of consciousness
>100% of humans that eat pickles will die
>Life on other planets has never been found because guess why? There’s no damn pickles there.
Just as valid as 99.99999% scientific theories.
It's actually the subatomic space between the pickle cells in which consciousness arises. How do I know this? It's the only way I could think of to cram quantum phenomena into a theory of consciousness.
>100% of humans that drink water will die
hold on guys, i think i'm onto something
>100% of humans that eat pickles eventually develop some form of consciousness
On really?