Most people I meet are really friendly at first but after while they become unfriendly and start avoiding me. It doesn't happen with everyone the only friends I make are people that get to know for a really long duration of time.
Do I need to force myself to change?
I dont think its because you are quiet.
what is it then? I don't say anything bad or rude to them.
Im just saying, that it is unlikely that they dislike you because you are quiet.
People generally want to be friendly with you. When they become unfriendly after a while it is always something YOU have done.
Stop coping with claiming its beacause you are quiet.
I haven't though. Maybe they should judge people based on what they think might be true.
If they dislike you, you have
>although you haven't done anything technically wrong but because this x person dislikes you have done something wrong to them
sounds ridiculous
I've come to learn that people in general aren't entirely logical creatures, must be the autism or mental retardation in me.
Not even I am that logical all the time, and I greatly dislike that
why
Man autists really have difficulty wrapping their heads around the word "perception".
Eh. Not really.
35fag. Im the same. And pro tip it isnt cause your quiet. Theres a perceived hostility or rudeness about you. Took me awhile to learn that.
But frankly, Im a good guy, I have friends who know what Im really about and a wife. This used to bother me like in my early 20s, but, you learn it really doesnt fuckin matter.
just because I don't excited and fake thing like how wonderful it is to meet them even though we barely know each doesn't mean I am hostile or rude.
I used the word "perceived" for a reason anon. You dont have to purposefully be rude or hostile to appear that way.
People dont just dislike people for being quiet. They do if you offend them.
And if youre unknowingly giving them a tone or facial expression when yhey try to talk to you, you may be communicating in your behavior "I dont givd a fuck about you or what you have to say to me, leave me alone." Youre like coming across this way and dont realize it.
The place it happens at the most is the gym. I do kind of just to do my workout there and I am very dialled in. Maybe it's just that intense and serious expression but never really said anything rude.
I think you misunderstand, anon. Empathic mirroring is an important part of social interaction that many people don't seem to take into account. If you have a stoneface all the time without being able to at least meet people where they are at then it becomes difficult for them to understand you, leading to avoidance.
People, at least where I'm from, like to smile when our eyes meet. Not for the whole convo or interaction, but just giving a smile for a bit is enough to smoothen the interaction over. Being stuck in your own head and being unresponsive to outside stimuli from others will lead to misunderstanding. That is a simply a fact.
My advice is to meet them at least halfway.
Not OP, but thank you so much. I understood it now more thoroughly. Am not a bad guy either just very confrontational. And it gets perceived incorrectly but whatever...
As a general rule, take some interest in their life, what are their hobbies, how does that stuff work even?
Yes you do need to change. People treat that as a soft rejection - you can't blame em , most live for their social lives so these sorts of cues matter
>t.am the same way
>Do I need to force myself to change?
You don't have to but you should still be able to speak emough to where you can let people know you want to keep speaking to them either way. I'm quiet but I ignore those who dislike that aspect about me, or view it as me being rude or standoff-ish due to whatever insecurities they have.
The thing is when you act quiet it makes other people feel rejected and it hurts their feelings. And if you are honest with yourself and do some introspection it's true, you are rejecting them. You are just so used to rejecting others as a defense mechanism you don't consciously realize you are doing it anymore.
Be honest, you were bullied, or had shitty parents and now you are closed off to relationships. You think everyone else is an NPC and not as deep as you, or you think they are going to hate you if they get to know you anyway. Other people perceive it even if you don't.
I suggest you practice putting yourself in other people shoes, and thinking about how you come across in your behavior. Practice going through the motions of being friendly and open with others, being curious about getting to know them, and see what fears and psychological blocks pop up.
>, or you think they are going to hate you if they get to know you anyway.
what if this is true? I am not very outgoing and don't have much to offer in terms of being a fun person. I had socially isolated childhood and just don't feel people would want to know about someone like me and I don't want to make up any lies.
People come to like me because I am quiet.
You should stop worrying about changing yourself for others