I don't know what just happened but it was scary as fuck. I don't even know if this belongs on /x/ but I can't think of any other board to post it on.
Last night I went round to my mates and got drunk, did about a gram of cocaine. Nothing special really, since I've been doing this routine for months. I woke up this morning (afternoon really) obviously hungover, feeling low from the comedown, not fit to do much but lie in bed.
Well I was meant to be going back out to another friends house, so got up around 8pm and went for a shower. When I took my clothes off, standing there naked about to go in the shower, I suddenly just froze. Like how when you freeze when you remember you forgot something, but this was like remembering some dark unviersal truth. I suddenly got tunnel vision and began to realise that the world around me is not real at all. That if I focused too hard, or any second now, I would "wake up" from the dream and blip out of reality. I also felt an intense feeling of claustrophobia from being in my own body. Thoughts were impossible at this point, it was just complete fear and madness. I grimaced and let out some sort of wail, a plea to anything to help me.
Eventually I ran back into my room and just lay there with my eyes closed. It took around half an hour to calm down. I tried to watch YouTube to distract me but noticed that my body and my mind had become two distinct entities. My fingers would type the words and I'd realise that it's not actually "me" doing it, if that makes sense. It's now about 2 hours later and I feel normal again, but empty and emotionally blunted. Strangely, for the past few months I've had a recurring fear of going mental and having a schizo break. I've even somewhat romanticised the idea and thought there was some divine truth in the madness. But now that fear is gone, that full obsession is gone. Anyone had similar experiences?
like reality could just, like....whimsically shift form and leave you out of it? that i've gotten on DXM
the physical world is technically an illusion, but it's made so that for all intents and purposes to be real and stable /from our experiences/, which last in the soul
It's hard to describe, more of a feeling that my brain was "shifting" reality and it would all just crumble before me. I can't even properly imagine the feeling now because my brain was in a completely different state. I can't recreate it.
That's good then. It's more of a fear of losing control, that I won't be able to command my own mind, that the world will just become a mess of delusion and fear.
>It's more of a fear of losing control, that I won't be able to command my own mind
Yeah this is a very common and understandable reaction. The best thing to alleviate this fear is to do mindfulness exercises: whenever a thought surfaces, notice it fully and allow it to pass on by. Practice this daily and you will become mentally strong.
There is no way to really lose control of your mind. The part that is scared of losing control and notices the "loss" is the same part that's "out of control". Really what's happening is that you're just noticing different aspects of your mind that normally don't communicate so 'loudly' (e.g. your internal narrator, your internal protector, etc). These parts seem separate from you, but they're all just different facets of you.
The physical world is real. I can tell because I use empirical knowledge gained from sense impressions, logic, and arithmetic to conclude that it is there using science. Humans have sense impressions that constitute their empirical sensations by which they experience external reality. Illusion is seeing something that is not there. Even if my sense impressions were an illusion, something physical is producing the illusion and giving me the ability to perceive it and think. q.e.d.
I had an outer body experience on dxm, too. it was strange and terrifying, but I didn't feel terrified in that moment. the fear happened later upon reflection o.O I saw myself sitting, playing with my hair in front of my mirror on the floor, but saw me from the corner of the room, but then saw from multiple perspectives and it got really intense before it all went black. I can not explain rn. life has definitely been strange, and I've had really strange occurances with and without drugs.
You just dissociated. Nothing fancy. First time I dissociated like that was when I was 6 years old and realized I was a separate entity controlling a human body. I can do this at will now but you were probably just scared because it was the first time you experienced it. It's not too scary after a couple of timed. If it happens again, I recommend trying to stay calm and try to form an understanding of what you are in that moment and what you aren't.
It has nothing to do with schizophrenia, that is a completely different thing with completely different feelings.
>did about a gram of cocaine
>nothing special really
wtf anon, no wonder you had those feelings
Stream entry
Good luck anon
it was a panic attack/psychosis
probably you are also dehydrated and gay
You had a panic attack my guy. One of the main symptoms is disassociation, where you feel like you’re not actually in your body or a kind of out of body experience. I’ll tell you right now: it’s the drugs and drinking, and it will get worse. Happened to me as I got older. I have to take it way more easy these days simply because it became a near guarantee to happen to me if I was badly hungover. First one panic attack. Not another for 2 years. Then one, then another… then another. Almost every single time, hangover related. Your body loses its ability to tolerate that shit as you get older.
>alcoholic anon does drugs and has a simple partial seizure
Woah! WOW!
No, but stop drinking alcohol and stop doing cocaine. Problem solved. Your bodily equilibrium is out of balance because of drug use. including alcohol. Stop it.
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Are you rich?
>My fingers would type the words and I'd realise that it's not actually "me" doing it, if that makes sense.
I know exactly what you mean. It’s depersonalization/derealization. You feel like you’re in a ballon floating above your body or some guy piloting a giant robot.
What triggered it for me was taking HUGE doses of caffeine as a teenager one day - I was just eating straight coffee grounds basically, then a few hours later it hit me like a brick wall - no jitters, just a disconnect from reality, like everything was foreign and weird to me all of a sudden and my body didn’t feel connected to my soul/consciousness
Took about a week for me to go back to normal, and no one knew wtf I was talking about when I tried to explain it
we are dual beings, in certain frenzied states you can realize that the physical world is like a dream and the real you is far, far bigger than the body and human mind could ever comprehend. the real you is an immortal spiritual being. The physical 'you' is just an avatar, which we take on purposely, even though we have to forget it while we're here to have a properly immersive experience of being physical.
I had a similar experience when I ate too many edibles, felt like there was a delay or lag between my mental thoughts and resulting physical actions and I had a feeling of lack of control. Went away as I sobered up though, still was spooky in the moment. Like others are saying I’d ease up on the snow
Depersonalization caused by drug (alcohol aswell) use. Just take a break from the drugs for a month or so and see how ya feel.
There are many paths to loss of ego, psychoactive and psychoeffective drugs are one of the most common and prominent. However, you can in fact reach this kind of breakthrough experience without any external drugs, it has been reported in meditators and in individuals that have lucid dreams (which may themselves be partially caused from endogenous DMT). It is also common in peoples with various mental orders (such as schizophrenics, who are greatly misunderstood by society, and scientific studies have proven that some of them have these breakthrough moments daily and exist in both experiences at once, and that when they hear voices that are not their own their brains' auditory center is activating, meaning they are actually hearing something internally). Practice meditation based grounding exercises, to help ground yourself in this reality again. Anyone that truly experiences psychosis experiences fear during the experience.
maybe dont do drugs??
>My fingers would type the words and I'd realise that it's not actually "me" doing it, if that makes sense.
stop doing coke and stop drinking
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization-derealization_disorder
You got drunk, did hard proscribed drugs, and you got a panic attack, nothing paranormal here, MODS!!!!
Focus on that feeling of tunnel vision. It'll lead you down the path of self-realization and higher states of mind. Ignore all feelings of fear. If you feel fear, cast it aside. Realize that fear is the ultimate mind killer.
The barriers between your body and mind have begun to crumble, and you're realizing your true nature as an eternal, omniscient spirit. In comparison, this reality really may as well be a dream.
When you focus on these feels, feel yourself shedding behind all physical and mental limitations. Rise beyond all of them and release your consciousness into the infinite expanse of eternity.
You have been blessed with an experience people would spend their entire lives searching for. Don't see it as a curse, realize the opportunity to change your life, in every sense of the word, has arrived, and you must take advantage of it.
Sounds like you almost hit enlightenment. A warped, imprecise version of enlightenment, but enlightenment regardless.
Turn back now, that's what I did.