Girlfriend deletes boyfriend’s level 80 WoW characters before raid

It’s been a while since I’ve seen a steaming pile of poop trying to pass itself off as an “authentic look at uncensored anger,” but thanks to this lovely video clip, we can all laugh at the idiot smashing his computer in a rehearsed fit of rage after his girlfriend supposedly foiled his cigarette-smoking late night World of Warcraft raiding session. Our resident audio expert jacked up…

Top five reasons to restart a game

The power button on a console is a beautiful thing. Ready to get out of your game? Get up and hit that button. And really, you don’t even have to do that. All three of our current systems allow you to unplug from the Matrix from the comfort of your couch. But of course, you might want to shut that baby down for other, more…dire reasons. Reasons…

GameCrush.com is down after over 10,000 horny gamers tried to sign up in first five minutes

Last week, we brought you the story of Gamecrush.com — a new online ‘dating’ service that lets you play video games with attractive females in exchange for cold, hard cash. The website, which launched last Tuesday, is basically an escort service that substitutes Halo for sex. For the princely sum of US$41.70 an hour, you get to choose a lady from Gamecrush’s roster of buxom ‘PlayDates’ and…

5 ways to get a gamer girlfriend

The girl gamer is a rare breed of lady. Like a ninja or a flying unicorn, she remains perpetually shrouded in myth and/or shadow. Statistics would have us believe that over 40 percent of gamers are female — but come on. When was the last time you got trash-talked on Modern Warfare 2 by the dulcet tones of a woman? The fact is: you have a better…

7 hilariously stupid self-defense systems that will get you killed dead

As long as there’s an Internet, there’ll be people utterly incapable of defending themselves – especially against people saying “Buy this, it’ll totally help you defend yourself!” Belt Clip Cyclone Knife This is the opposite of self-defense: a product which actually it more dangerous to be you, even when there’s no-one around and it’s turned off. If you looked at the tri-bladed thumb remover and asked “How…

The legacy of Duke Nukem

“Shit Happens”. So said Duke Nukem in the classic first-person shooter Duke Nukem 3D, one of the most iconic and popular games of the 1990s. And a lot of shit has happened in the world of Duke Nukem since DN3D’s release in 1996, but unfortunately the action has all been behind closed doors of development studios and corporate board rooms rather than on gamers’ screens. Duke Nukem…

Duke Nukem Forever may be dead, but the Duke is indestructible

The body’s still warm, yet some are already dancing on the coffin. With 3D Realms dissolved, and its flagship project Duke Nukem Forever abandoned, some pundits aren’t stopping at declaring the Duke Nukem franchise dead. If these beard-stroking sages are to be believed, the action gaming genre itself is finished. We respectfully disagree. Let us be clear on this: DNF was a sick joke — a bloated,…

How to convert your girlfriend to gaming: a guide

Girlfriends: they can be awesome. Making sandwiches, looking ‘hawt’, doing ‘stuff’ – yep, your missus can do all that good stuff and more, but when it comes to gaming there’s a blind spot in the brain of ‘planet woman’. Sure there are a select few who have dared to go where no girl has gone before, joining their man for a quick game to humour you, but…

Rockstar discovers Blizzard’s secret to $$$$

We’ve heard disturbing rumours. Apparently the dispensers in the toilet cubicles deep within the bowels of Blizzard Entertainment’s development studio contain not puppy-soft rolls of gooch-caressing papers as one might expect. Instead they’re stacked with $100 bills, each capable of removing three grams of klingon from an individual’s buttocks, leaving it hassle free for the long hours spent at computer desks, watching coin flow into the company’s…

A guide to playing games stoned

Have you ever left your game on pause for two hours because you went to get some pizza and never made it back? Have you even scratched your head and wondered why people complained about Halo being too short when it took you 20 hours to complete. Have you ever spent 10 minutes looking perplexed at the in-game map wondering what the hell it all means before…