>NEET with too much free time
>so desperately lonely that I can't concentrate on anything but how lonely I am
>routinely post ads on online dating forums
>log into my accounts on a penpal site and penpal app
>post ads on ERP forums
>anything to give me a chance of talking to a remotely compatible girl
>wait every day away doing nothing in particular at the computer or laying in bed, just waiting for someone to send me a message
>when I finally do get a notification of a message on my phone, I get my hopes up and my heart starts racing
>immediately learn that I'm not compatible at all with this person, get disappointed, and go back to waiting
>have been doing this for years
I don't think I'm ever going to start living.
to give me a chance of talking to a remotely compatible girl
what would a remotely compatible girl be like?
It's nebulous to define, and I'm not trying to turn this into another dating ad (I've already done that on /LULZ/ periodically for years).
I would cite things like some meaningful degree of shared interests and passions, appoximately similar values, tastes, lifestyle, and life experiences, empathy, and capability for some amount of reasonable thinking and introspection. So the things that probably most people look for in a partner, except I'm autistic enough that compatibility between me and another person, even in a limited capacity, is extremely unlikely, and my pool of potential options is further reduced by my traits that make me near-objectively low-value.
I'm lucky to ever get any messages at all, but I have enough experience in failure to know to trust my gut feeling when someone doesn't seem to have any real compatibility with me, to save effort and disappointment for both parties.
>I have enough experience in failure to know to trust my gut feeling when someone doesn't seem to have any real compatibility with me
Why does it feel like youve basically destroyed some legitimate chances of contact with a girl this way lmao
Oh, I'm sure it's possible. But it's like anything in life, you can pick up on patterns. If all you have ever done is burn your hand every time you stick your hand into the fire, then at some point you're not exactly going to be holding out for getting a reward for doing it.
If in the very first message a girl sends me, the way she talks bothers me (uses internet memes and offputting slang), and from what she mentions it's explicitly clear that she has starkly different values and tastes from me, then even if I'm desperate why would I be stupid enough to try there? I'd only be causing problems and disappointment for her and myself.
There can be more subtle cases, but those are exceedingly rare and I always at least give those a try. It's this kind of thing that I'm talking about.
Also can someone commiserate with me here, surely even on 2023 /LULZ/ I'm not the only person here who has spent their life doing this kind of infinite searching and waiting thing.
Well at least you're trying. I'm mostly just waiting for something to happen magically and looking in the wrong places. I've mostly given up before I've started. Do you not think that getting some sort of job would increase your chances of finding someone?
>I'm mostly just waiting for something to happen magically and looking in the wrong places.
This is essentially what I'm doing too, it makes me feel like an idiot, hoping that the kind of girl I'm looking for is as desperate as I am, enough to be looking in the same places. The issue is that I don't know where "the right places" are supposed to be, for me.
I've spent my life getting ghosted by girls on the internet, but at the very least I've had conversations with girls that way, and even friendships that led to mutual romantic feelings, even if I've always been inevitably ghosted in the end anyway.
In real life I've never even gotten that far. Even with the internet making it easier to search for likeminded people, others that I can relate to even a little bit scarcely exist online, and randomly encountering such a person in real life just doesn't happen to me.
>Do you not think that getting some sort of job would increase your chances of finding someone?
It would. Being unemployed is undesirable and a warning sign to others, unemployment comes with financial issues for living together with a girl, and being a shut-in obviously reduces chances of meeting people.
But the odds are so low that it doesn't feel worth it. Even in my experience with extremely limited part-time employment that has minimal contact with people, I feel so constantly anxious and miserable anticipating working that I'm never able to relax even when away from work, and I eventually crack and quit, it's not sustainable. But if I had a reasonable expectation that I could find friendship or love that way, then I would do it. Realistically I'd just be like all the other men working a miserable job and then going home to be alone.
I just continue to try to find connection with others in the capacity that I can.
To truly know failure you must have experienced success anon.
I've experienced something resembling success, that's how I know the difference.
It's an absolute night and day difference between talking to someone who's kind of disinterested and not very intelligent who has practically nothing in common with you, compared with someone dynamic and interesting who tries to meet you halfway in conversation and shares something in common with you.
It's always fallen apart for some reason or another. Even with plenty in common, there's always some clear incompatibilities standing in the way, and I'm just not valuable to others, even if I'm "different" or "special" I'm not really worth the trouble and there are always more appealing options (like nothing, for example).
From my life experience in seeing how many places that things can go wrong and end things before they even begin, it feels unreal to me how anyone ever ends up in a romantic relationship.
>I've experienced something resembling success, that's how I know the difference.
Almost doesnt quite cut it. Also you dont actually seem that desperate if you are filtering people out to begin with.
how do you feel about the fact that femoids will never feel anything close to your struggle with loneliness and inceldom
Fairly bitter I'd say, I've noticed these differences in the male and female experiences of loneliness and vented about it for years. Ultimately I don't hate women though because they didn't choose their situation any more than I chose mine, I just think it'd be nice if people had compassion for men who don't make the cut. Not holding my breath for it ever happening, though.
>femoid
>inceldom
I'm sick of this terminology, man.
i'm tired too, i immediately regretted using those terms
it's hard to break habits
>Wanting women
That's pretty cringe Anon
>anything to give me a chance of talking to a remotely compatible girl
lol lmao
nobody tell him
Yes, the "That's a guy you're ERPing with" trope. Classic comedy.
If there are any obvious signs of the person being male then I don't bother, and if the first message doesn't give it away (it does), almost always you can tell this from a brief glance at their account, so that's not much effort. If they're good enough at pretending to be female by conveying female life experience and psychology such that I'm convinced and never learn otherwise, then whatever I guess, nothing you can do about that. I tentatively believe in the existence of women on the internet.
Find a fucking job
Go to the university
Start going to restaurants, gyms, libraries, clubs, events.
You're gonna die like this if you keep doing that
I definitely understand your sentiment of "fucking go outside and try something or you'll die alone", it's a very reasonable sentiment and I tell myself that sometimes, but all of my options have proved pointless to me, with the internet resulting in the most promise of success for companionship that I've had in my life.
My only friends are from the internet. Every real life friend I've had was more like an acquaintance who I had essentially nothing in common with, barely hung out with me, and eventually ghosted me, but they were the only people who would tolerate me and talk to me at all, so I was grateful for that much. That's all I can expect from real life, that's my experience for all my years of education and employment. Basically it's like, if you were me, why would you ever fucking try real life again at this point?
>Find a fucking job
See:
>Go to the university
I did that for four years.
>Start going to restaurants, gyms, libraries, clubs, events.
I flat out don't enjoy most things like this, so by going to them I'd at best be meeting people who I can't relate to. Even that's unlikely, because even when I try to participate and be personable, in my experience no one wants anything to do with me at all and I'm just backgrounded and ignored.
In theory I like the idea of a club the best out of these options, but I've tried that several times and it doesn't work for me. Also I suck at my hobbies and wouldn't impress anyone with them, and as I described in the OP I can't concentrate on anything because of loneliness and misery, so I would be kind of a fraud for pretending like I engage in my hobbies much at all anymore, though I am still trying at least because this is effectively my only hope of forming a connection with anyone.
I also like the library option in theory, but I have no reason to go to one because I can get what I want online instead, and they often don't even have what I want available to begin with. If I just sit in a chair reading at the library, I wonder how many months of doing that daily it would take for someone to approach me and have a conversation with me? And then of course incompatibilities would be realized, something would get in the way, and I'm back to where I started.
The internet lets you search more broadly and gives you faster iteration time for this. Real life offers the closeness of face-to-face interaction and thus the mere exposure effect, which is very helpful, but that doesn't matter if the base ingredients for compatibility aren't there, and you're an ugly awkward depressed autist who can't even get his foot in the door.
>Im just backgrounded and ignored
Same man, I relate
I'm close to giving up on finding someone and it's enticing... just giving up and going back to how I was at 16, without a care in the world, just playing games and watching memes. I didn't even think of the possibility of finding a gf, it never crossed my mind.
god I want to get back into WoW, I want to waste my time modding skyrim again. I want to give up but I know if I do that I will reawaken and regret it when I'm like 35 and then it's completely over..
Even in my early teens I had this kind of desperation, but obviously not as tinged with despair from years of failure and declining chances. The last time I was even semi-happy was probably when I was eight years old and lacked any awareness.
I'm a choosing beggar, I acknowledge this. As I've said I've gotten ghosted constantly throughout my life, with the people I'm most compatible with and had the best gut feeling about lasting the longest before ghosting me. If I don't filter people out and save both of us time and heartache, they just quickly filter me out instead.
>NEET
>dating
Pick one and only one.
Women don't want a deadbeat. If you are a girl you can get lucky and find a guy who'll support you in exchange for sex.
>Women don't want a deadbeat.
*Unless you look like gigachad that is
Even then you will be a fucktoy at best. Not a real relationship.
>Even then you will be a fucktoy at best. Not a real relationship.
So all the pros and none of the cons? Damn. I envy gigachad even more now.
stop being a NEET I would never date a NEET
ive been barely trying for 2 days and already talked with a bunch of girls
also met with a girl from soc like from a thread just randomly because why not i never met anyone off the internet before
was just a short hello visit, nothing much to do and extremely awkward
if you've been trying for literal years, i dont think you're really trying, or you are being extremely selective.
if what you are doing isnt working, try something different man
Just date trannies bro, life is so easy and youre pretending like its difficult, baka
Have you tried not being a net
No, I have always been a net. This is just my life.
>whole life centered around finding a girl, as if that were going to solve all your problems
that's your issue. go do something else.
if you say "but it would" or some other "id start doing things if i had one" ill slap you.
"Doing something else" is what I've tried my entire life to cope with loneliness. But intrusive thoughts about it have crippled my motivation for things over the years. Everything feels pointless when you reach a certain stage of loneliness. I can't distract myself or cope anymore.
If I could turn off the part of my brain that desires socialization, human connection, and belonging, and just focus on my pursuits, then I would. While at it, I'd also turn off my ability to feel pain and negative emotions. Life isn't that convenient, unfortunately.
>as if that were going to solve all your problems
It wouldn't. Just a major one.