So my gf and I have been going out for about 2 years now and we see each other once a week, the relationship is great, but one thing has begun bothering me that has been going on for the last 6 months: we've had sex maybe 6 or 7 times. We usually only see each other once a week because we're busy with school and work, but this is getting ridiculous and now she wants to travel which I had planned on doing since I made some spare change from some memecoins and figured I could afford the gas, hotels etc, but this lack of sex is really beginning to bother me that I'm really not sure if I want to spend more money doing things with her and going on fun excursions. Not sure if there is an easy fix to this. Would being upfront be worth it or will I come off as a pussy? Starting to feel like the "alpha fucks beta bucks" meme because yes, while she does buy me skincare shit to take better care of myself and will buy me coffee sometimes, I'm usually the one paying when we go out, we use my car, and I have to pay my parents for the insurance every month and I pay for gas. Yes I work more hours than her but she (surprisingly) has more money than me (probably because she's Asian and all older Asians care about is giving money to younger Asians) and her parents are paying for her college, her gas, her insurance, and buy luxury shit for her pretty frequently. I don't want to break up with her but like cmon, if I'm gonna be spending so much time and money on her, the least she could do is put out once every two weeks. Idk I don't get women.
She's cool to talk to and we like a lot of the same things and get each other (besides this one area), but she's weird about sex. Maybe it's because she's still babied and has the mentality of a toddler when it comes to intimacy? She always calls me cute and takes photos of me (I'm not kidding when I say she has about 1000+ photos of me) but she has called me "hot" less and less. At least that's what I've noticed. It's almost as if I'm a tall dog at this point, I swear she talks to me and her dogs almost the same way. Maybe she thinks I'm just a pet, which justifies me being cute but not hot. Sorry for the ramble, I'm drunk but I need help because I don't have anyone else to turn to but other anons
Stop having sex with her. It will mess her up and she'll be forced to wake up and consider whether you are replacing her. It's very important not to fall for her shittests. Feign being busy and stop having sex. It just might force her to face reality and you might even dodge a bullet in the process.
But she's the one not having sex with me. Are you saying to just not make any advances so it seems like I'm losing interest or whatever?
Yes in fact you should cancel your next meeting. She's playing with you anon, give her a dose of her own medicine. I don't understand how men allow themselves to be playthings for women. This requires discipline and I don't know if you have enough of it to play the game. If you have an instagram with her pictures delete them, post a new pic alone with a caption about how you are healing etc. Make her suffer enough to admit some guilt while not actually asking for it and then take her back. Always give the excuse that you are too busy and don't overreact or overshare. If she shows up or calls, tell her to schedule next week for a meeting, and do this till she admits some guilt. Rinse and repeat whenever she chooses to being bitchy. For some reason women love being treated like shut. This kind of emotional manipulation is what they crave but can't admit.
Idk if she's as manipulative as you're making her out to be, I just genuinely think she's stunted and could really use some kind of reality check. I'm not sure about cancelling a meetup because that's too obvious (it's summer vacation, I'm off work for the next couple days, I don't have any friends, not on good terms with family etc), it would be too suspicious. Maybe we hang out and I'll be as stoic and dull as possible and make her pay for food?
Not breaking up with her. If anything, an ultimatum would be better... unless you think otherwise
How do I come off as a dick without her ditching me tho? lol, I feel like most women would ditch you if you start treating them badly out of nowhere
I text her every day, hourly, and we talk ALL DAY when we hang out. God forbid I demand sex for 1 hour every one to two weeks out of the countless hours I've spent talking to her. You are old
ultimatums are gay and show you already in a vulnerable position, there’s actually a woman out there who wants to fuck you just have to put the effort/be patient, if you found her you can find another. it’s easy to say but trust me when i say it’s worth it
I get what you're saying but could you explain why she would have 1000+ photos of me, give me self care shit, say that she wants to have kids with me, call me cute but then show little desire to have sex with me currently? That's the hardest part for me to understand which is why I find it difficult to make a definitive decision about what I should do. It seems like she wants me but doesn't at the same time
was in a similar situation and the only thing that would work is either you start talking to other girls/make her jealous some how or you end it. making her jealous is a slippery slope that could also bring a whole world of other problems if she’s an unstable person. seems you’re afraid to lose her but man having the right girl for you completely changes your life
Women don't have the sex drive as men. While you think of your need for sex every hour or whatever, they may think of a desire for sex as infrequently as once per month or so.
this is retarded and objectively untrue
Are you a woman and speaking from experience? If so, you may be a man and should seek information on transgenderedism you fuckup
Lol so what if it's suspicious that's the point. To make her suffer by thinking about what you are up to. Do you seriously care more that she'll not believe you or that she'll finally have some self awareness? You are hopeless case and I think that the way to learn for you is for her to make you suffer which will lead you to hating women afterwards. You have to get rid of that 'women-are innocent girls' mindset somehow before you grow up and become a mature adult.
What happened to just talking? I'm getting old..
You talk with women who are willing to talk. This one seems like she likes playing games so you play games with her. It's called mirroring, very effective communication strategy.
Break up with her and cite a lack of 'intimacy'. She'll either make more of an effort to keep you, or you can just move onto the next one.
Small turn offs and moments of cringe or disgust are remembered and accumulate. When you first started dating you were new and possibly even slightly intimidating to her, but that inevitably wears off and effortless attraction fades in long term relationships. It's very difficult to regain it, might be better just getting a new one.
Yes you come off as a pussy-dries when spending money. Be a dick. Show her who’s the boss-if you spend more money, you are the boss. You should be enjoying it instead of whining. When people spend, they get return of some pleasure- that’s the fundamental of economics. So enjoy it! Don’t complain it! Think about your gf if with you! Enjoy her don’t complain about a few bucks- that also dries out pussy real quick.
stopped reading once i read how little you fuck. break up with her and find someone else
just imagine a woman that actually craves you and your body the fuck you doing with someone who has insecurity issues in her head wake up you have one life
I honestly can't believe you would date an Asian, anon
6 or 7 times in 2 years is definitely not normal. You say you both talk all the time, see each other weekly, etc. so surely you can find a way to open up a conversation about how this is bothering you. Ultimatums, cutting off what little sex you already have, playing headgames is all foolish and can backfire. Don't let a backlog of communication cause you to mess up a good thing that you can turn into a potentially great thing. Start communicating.
I probably should have been more clear in the op, we spent the first year and a half of our relationship having sex every time we saw each other and would text about it too but then her grandpa died when she went to visit him, came back home, and we didn't have sex for about a month and a half, which is understandable. Since then tho, we have had sex 6 or 7 times in like 6 months, which there seems to be no obvious reason for why it's happening
>Don't let a backlog of communication cause you to mess up a good thing that you can turn into a potentially great thing. Start communicating.
How do I do this? I mentioned it earlier but how do I do this and not come off as a pussy? "Hey you've been less intimate recently, are you okay?" that just comes off gay
Asking about how she's feeling about her grandfather passing, if she's still greiving, etc. is important. Couples need to have maybe a weekly "date night" where you've got an hour or 2 to talk about your lives together, check in on each other, etc. I know it sounds gay but every relationship that I've seen break down is almost always due to bad or no communication. Maybe find a way to broach the topic in a way that moreso shows you observed a change and are concerned about her without sounding accusatory or demanding of more sex. If she's as sweet as you make her sound I bet she will be willing to talk things out, work out her own issues if she has any, and work towards a way to make you both happy. Sounds like you have a good lady, I hope it works out for you both OP.
The point that you fags seem to overlook is that if there was a problem then she would have been comfortable and vulnerable with him to pour her feelings out. She doesn't feel vulnerable or safe with him which means that she could be doing this with another person. She hasn't attempted to communicate with him to that effect other than playing games and likening him to her pet. And this is a 2yr old relationship. Women communicate naturally with people they love, they find excuses of being alone to communicate about their problems, it doesn't matter whether they are at work. Anon says that she texts him everyday which means that she's deliberately not telling him about any problems that she's having.
Go to grampas grave and ask to see pictures and his stories. Again, try to keep the dick inside the pants for a while and care about her gramps dying you selfish niglet. Support her now and you might be surprised how she rolls over if you care now.
Stop simping for her pussy, want till you dont want to fuck annymore. Tell her you have more financial responsabilities and you expect that for her too. Split everything like gas food and going out. Insurance is for you tho. Use your peanut brain and find cheap shit to do that is fun. I understand your situation bcs i had smth similar. Example would be to prepare picknick together and go to the park with her by bike or smth. Cheap quality time with her. Give her a week or 2 to adapt to it. If she spazzes out and acts like a bitch tell her straight up you expect better from her. If she loves you it should not be about money or fancy shit. Suggest you guys cook for her family or other way around. A cheap vacation where you split everything is a good way to see if you last together.
Thanks man, I'll try these out
Yeah idk what's up. She is very open with me like when she told me that she was suicidal when she was in her late teens and was institutionalized for a week or two and it changed her for the better. In the past she has been open so idk what's gotten into her mind now, maybe she doesn't see the lack of sex as an issue
I already did all of that when it originally happened and I did keep my dick in my pants for almost two months when she came home. My good actions seem to have not paid off a whole lot
>Do you workout? Does she?
Yeah, I'm 6'2 and 170 pounds with basically 0 body fat. She's 4'10 and started working out recently but she isn't fat, maybe a little chubby on a bad day but she's thin considering how big her tits and thighs are. She has a more "breedable build" if that makes sense
>Are you unloading all your emotions on her all the time and making her feel like a mom rather than a lover?
Nope, it's kind of the opposite lol. She'll unload on me
>How do you initiate sex and how does she respond?
Light kissing into more intense kissing and then grabbing a boob, playing with it for a bit, going down to the vag, one finger then 2. Do that for a while with increasing speed. Have her suck me off for a bit and then we have sex.
>Are you doing things that make her feel taken care of, protected, understood, desired, sexy etc?
I compliment her, drive her around when we hang out or when she had car problems for a week, I kiss her regularly, I listen to EVERYTHING she has to say and look at her while she speaks, I say her clothes look nice whenever I come over. I do it all
>Yeah, I'm 6'2 and 170 pounds with basically 0 body fat. She's 4'10 and started working out recently but she isn't fat, maybe a little chubby on a bad day but she's thin considering how big her tits and thighs are. She has a more "breedable build" if that makes sense
Damn your gf sounds hot.
6'2 and 170 is pretty light. Not saying that's the issue but bulking up a bit couldn't hurt. You're like the same weight as me and I'm 5'9 and women like the muscle.
>My good actions seem to have not paid off a whole lot
>I compliment her, drive her around when we hang out or when she had car problems for a week, I kiss her regularly, I listen to EVERYTHING she has to say and look at her while she speaks, I say her clothes look nice whenever I come over. I do it all
This mindset might be the issue. You sound a bit like you're trying to save up good boy points that you can cash in for sex which is about the least sexy thing you can do.
>Light kissing into more intense kissing and then grabbing a boob, playing with it for a bit, going down to the vag, one finger then 2. Do that for a while with increasing speed. Have her suck me off for a bit and then we have sex.
What about when she rejects you and you don't have sex? What does that look like? A lot of the time if she says no but doesnt seem that serious about it you can back off a little then re-initiate, tease her more, turn her on and then stop, etc. Touch her and turn her on at random times without necessarily expecting to have sex. Surprise her, tease her, be rough with her (not past her comfort level obviously).
The thing is that you can't negotiate desire. Doing favours for her or letting her know you want sex won't make her want it. She'll either go through with it just to make you happy or be even more turned off because she feels pressured. You have to change the way she feels through your words and actions.
Might also be worth just asking her about it in a non accusatory way.
Ignore everybody telling you to split bills and make ultimatums and all that bullshit, that will just make it worse.
If she doesn't want to fuck anymore it's probably due to either lack of attraction, lack of comfort (emotional connection) or something like stress/grief/depression causing low sex drive.
Do you workout? Does she? Are you unloading all your emotions on her all the time and making her feel like a mom rather than a lover?
How do you initiate sex and how does she respond? Are you doing things that make her feel taken care of, protected, understood, desired, sexy etc? Maybe you need to be more assertive or more caring or both.
interacting with women is the worst decision you can make, financially speaking.
>see each other rarely
>rarely have sex when they do see each other
>been together 2 years
she's probably cheating or not that into you
women will act like they like a man more than they really do if they think you could become rich in the future
You seem like a nice guy. I was once there. If a woman digs you they will want to bang you all the time. In fact I had some girls completely draining the hell out of me up until the 6 or 7 am in the morning. I simply became more dominant and avoidant. My advice is to dump this woman and find another. There are plenty of them and better. Nowadays I don't even bother with woman. They know it when they see a man that doesn't give a fuck.
Hot take but sex is overrated.