My mother won't let me move out

>I'm 21M
>last year of college
>thinking about moving out to the bigger neighbouring city
>40 something mom
>single and working full time
>I've been dropping hints that I'm going to move once I'm done with my degree
>she's avoiding them probably on purpose
>had a fight with her where she said
>"I've ruined my life for you and the least you could do for me is stay"

  1. 3 weeks ago

    Dude there is no shame in living with your mom unless you wanna move out of state or country. In this shithole economy it's genuinely better that way.
    That said... if you're going somewhere, don't bring it up, and don't expect her to help, because all it will do is upset her and cause fights. Make money moves in silence.

  2. 3 weeks ago

    how do you have the money to move out right after college? lucky you

    you're not obligated to be her emotional support kid anymore, she shouldn't have used you for that anyway. she's projecting her trauma and hard life onto you. it sucks, but there's nothing you can do about it. definitely move out and start your life but don't abandon your mom. make sure to keep up a good relationship with her, she did work hard to raise you after all. but you don't owe her anything technically, she did what was require of her to raise a child she chose to have.

  3. 3 weeks ago

    One of my friends graduated as "parental psychologist" I dont know the real term, but a psychologist meant for parents when it comes to trauma or issues regarding their children.
    According to her, its very common, for single parents more so, that its hard to let go from a routine once ones child is ready to leave the nest.
    Single parents are the worst and usually the eldest child has to bear the brunt of that, when trying to gain their independence.
    Tell her to seek help, by my country's standards, you are already at the older side of things when it comes to leaving your parents and starting your own life

  4. 3 weeks ago

    You need to negociate. The way you both are right now, it doesn't seem like any one of you is willing to compromise.
    Change that and find a middle ground you two can agree on, like maybe staying a little bit with her after finishing your degree or something like that.

  5. 3 weeks ago

    >I've ruined my life for you
    Nah, she ruined her life for herself and tries/tried to ruin your life for herself on top of that.

  6. 3 weeks ago

    She has a choice, either coming with you (if you want that) or shutting the fuck up.

  7. 3 weeks ago

    just leave if you want to. you don't need her permission.
    find an apartment, sign the lease, move your stuff, and call are and say "btw, i moved out"

  8. 3 weeks ago

    >mother indirectly blames you for ruining her life
    Damn anon, im sorry that you have a mother like that
    Best thing you can do is actually moving away, having a toxic mother is difficult because you'll always feel like an asshole for standing up for yourself, but in this case its in your best interest

  9. 3 weeks ago

    Get a job. Work out the economics and be sure you can afford to livwe on your own. Find a place.

    And THEN announce you are moving as of next month.

  10. 3 weeks ago

    she's just being tsundere >:3

  11. 3 weeks ago

    move out ASAP
    your mother is a lost cause

  12. 3 weeks ago

    At you age I'd already had a threesome with 2 women.
    If you don't get out and experiance life soon you never will then in 10 years undertakers will be cleaning your brains off the bedroom wall.

    • 3 weeks ago

      >At you age I'd already had a threesome with 2 women.

    • 3 weeks ago

      This anon is telling the truth.
      t. homeschooled and then lived at home through bachelor's and phd until 29 and now a 34 year old khv with no friends let alone girlfriends ever

    • 3 weeks ago

      this just makes me more depressed, actually shove a baseball bat up your ass

  13. 3 weeks ago

    It sounds like she misses you,maybe that's a sign to spend more time with your family.

  14. 3 weeks ago

    Your mother is an evil possessive whore and you should leave her as soon as you're able

  15. 3 weeks ago

    Single mothers are the worst.

    Mine pumped out 3 kids and several miscarriages before she met my step dad (I was already a teen by this point), she then pumped out 4 more kids and several more miscarriages. She was then told no more kids, so she forced step dad to get the snip. Yet she mysteriously had another miscarriage sometimes after. Blamed it on step dad, he goes into docs thinking the snip didn't take, finds out there was no way it was him. Step dad never confronts mum out of fear of losing the kids. Super fucked up.

    Meanwhile I, as the eldest realised it was time to get the fuck out. The day came and I got into a huge fight with my mother.

    >Mother: "I chose to have you and this is the thanks I get?!"

    >Me: "then you should have swallowed".

    Mic drop.

    Everyone is stunned. I leave for a decade.

    Mfw all my siblings hate me now because I stopped being the shield. Fuck 'em. I dealt with it worse then all of them combined.

  16. 3 weeks ago

    >I'm 21
    >My mother
    >won't let me

  17. 3 weeks ago

    Parents owe their children everything.
    Children owe thier parents nothing.
    This is the fundamental nature of the relationship, because children are the access point to the future.
    Parents should not eat thier children alive, because then thier line dies out.
    The elderly are always a financial burden.
    When times are good, children can help parents they love.
    Times are not good.
    Her expectation and demand is not healthy.
    She's probably just thinking about the money.
    It's always about the money.

    Your decision to move should be clearly financialy motivated, to get you out of debt.
    We no longer live in an age where children CAN leave at whim.
    Familialy owned homes are one of the only ways to own a house now.

    You will have to learn to say no, and tell them how it is and will be, in this and many other situations.

    Sorry this situation sucks.

  18. 3 weeks ago

    >"I've ruined my life for you and the least you could do for me is stay
    You're not her husband. She clearly doesn't love you, so I'm not sure what your hangup is to tell her no.

  19. 3 weeks ago

    Your mom is like a child, treat her like one. Or like a mediocre immature girlfriend. Pat her on the head and say everything is going ot be okay and then do whatever you want. You are the grownup so it's up to you to set boundaries and put her in her place. Don't go nuclear but it's good to yell and be a little "mean". In the long run it'll make her feel more confident and safe.
    Even if she doesn't consciously realize it, she's basically shit-testing you. You have to rise above it and show you are strong and manly. If you can't handle some pathetic weak woman guilting and manipulating you, how are you going to handle the outside world? Stop being a people-pleaser nice guy.

  20. 3 weeks ago

    it's your decision, you can keep in contact regularly with her after moving out

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