My fiance wants me to change my last name to his once we're married.

My fiance wants me to change my last name to his once we're married. I wanted to keep my last name, but I'm willing to compromise by hyphenating it. He says if I don't change my last name it's like we're not even married. I don't see how that changes what's between us, and it feels like some kind of macho possessive thing. Am I wrong for wanting to keep my family's name?

  1. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    Yes, you are wrong for wanting to keep your family’s name

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      I'd dump you on the spot not even a question. It's actually a massive insult and it's no different than telling him you don't want to have his kids. I'd toss you in the trash like the garbage you are.

      I don't understand why this is such a big deal. Can you please explain?

      who bloody cares. you're both wrong for caring. he's more wrong for the soap opera line "it's like we're not even married" though

      It was kind of cringe to hear.

      What's your last name?

      Cantin.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        [log in to view media]

        It doesn't really matter but what're you naming the kids?

        >Cantin.
        Sounds gay. What's his?

        • 1 week ago
          Anonymous

          I'm not pregnant and we're not planning on children until we're financially stable enough for them.
          His last name is Tippins.

          Yes, you are wrong.
          You fiance is pretty chill to tolerated you, but you sound like a potential nightmare if you were to get married. wish the guy the best with you. Listen to him.
          Listen and submit to your man.
          Going by your post you aren't going to want to submit but you will try, remember "try" not succeed, to control the marriage and give your husband hell eventually he may just leave you if it gets bad enough. So submit to him anon you will be happier.

          It's embarrassing enough being the one who's going to have to deal with morning sickness, stretch marks, and all the other pains of pregnancy (not to mention child birth) when we do eventually have children. Why do I have to be obedient to him too?

          Your attitude is a massive red flag for divorce. I don't know why an independent feminist like you would even want to be married so I would have to know your angle. If I were to guess you're not even that attracted to your man. Like want to fuck him so much that he is tapped out. If I were to guess you're already at the rationing stage of sex in your relationship and you use sex as a tactic for compliance. So if you said that to me I'd instantly know you're not attracted to me and you're using me for money / attention. But to be honest I'd never had gotten into a long term relationship with you let alone proposed to you.

          We have a very healthy sex life. I have some health issues that make it hard for us to do more than 3 times a week, but even outside of those occasions we are very affectionate to one another.

          what's the point of marriage then? the whole thing is a "macho possessive" invention

          I think marriage is legitimate for purposes of being a declaration of monogamous love between two people.

          • 1 week ago
            Anonymous

            >I'm not pregnant and we're not planning on children until we're financially stable enough for them.
            The only reason why you're getting married is so you're legally entitled to your husband's money.

            >I think marriage is legitimate for purposes of being a declaration of monogamous love between two people.
            Don't need to be married for that.

            • 1 week ago
              Anonymous

              Based. They can get "Married" and avoid doing it through the govt.. The govt. should have no say in this shit anyway.

          • 1 week ago
            Anonymous

            being obedient to someone is now too much to ask in a marriage? holy fucking kek. i hope your SO finds this thread and dumps your ass

          • 1 week ago
            Anonymous

            >Tippins
            Why don't you want a fucking hobbit name you dumb slut? You don't like LOTR?

            • 1 week ago
              Anonymous

              im finna tippin my cock in your mom's asshole

          • 1 week ago
            Anonymous

            >It's embarrassing enough being the one who's going to have to deal with morning sickness, stretch marks, and all the other pains of pregnancy (not to mention child birth) when we do eventually have children.
            Its not embarrassing its nature, and that's how kids are made incase you missed biology class. And multiplying is our directive, have lots of kids.

            >Why do I have to be obedient to him too?
            Its right thing to do, he obviously isn't a man's man otherwise you wouldn't be questioning this. Women are emotional men are more logical better at leading.
            Women are forever insecure and anxious for men it passes and a non issue. (Unless a man was raised like a woman then he'll be a little more insecure but still less than a woman) you not wanting to obey comes from insecurity and thinking you know better when you don't it just your mind thinking it does.
            Read below

            Guys have less connection between right an left brain so we literally dont feel as much; except losers, incels, or beta males they feel more but still less than a woman. Its lets most guys look at situations logically and dispassionately. And lets us test thought n actions against reality.
            So less anxiousness, less emotions and more willing to engage reality makes us the obvious choice to lead and women to follow.
            The woman brain has more connections to the left and right hemispheres to the brain. Meaning women are forever overthinking, becoming anxious, and more prone to emotional over reaction becuz you feel more.
            Also thoughts arent reality, so you may think u know better but its just your mind engaging in rationalization and sophistry; not testing actions in reality, when you do yoy'll realize how wrong your thoughts were n have to course correct but then you go right back in too overthinking and sophistry. A hellish cycle.

            Tldr: Men lead, women follow and listen to the man and help raise the kids and take care of the home.

            • 1 week ago
              Anonymous

              >t. people who have never talked to women irl before

              My fiance wants me to change my last name to his once we're married. I wanted to keep my last name, but I'm willing to compromise by hyphenating it. He says if I don't change my last name it's like we're not even married. I don't see how that changes what's between us, and it feels like some kind of macho possessive thing. Am I wrong for wanting to keep my family's name?

              this name shit doesn't matter and if it's the hill your bf wants to die on then fuck him. tippins is a stupid fucking last name

              • 1 week ago
                Anonymous

                >female who will die alone and wonder where all the good men have gone
                Any man worth having will die on this hill, the men who don't care are soiboys you don't want. Too bad so sad.

              • 1 week ago
                Anonymous

                any man worth dumping will die on this hill. any man who actually cares about and respects you will agree to not have your name changed if you don't want it. you incels need to stop trying to poison this woman's mind lmao

              • 1 week ago
                Anonymous

                Only a retard would marry a woman who didn't want to change her name. You probably hate cooking, cleaning and won't even do duty sex. Something tells me your relationship life is shit.

              • 1 week ago
                Anonymous

                Not OP.

                Is it really this big of a deal? I'm engaged to be married soon also. I never gave much thought to my name or plans to change it because I was more focused on being happy with my fiance.

                I don't do traditionally fem stuff like cooking or cleaning much since I also work. In the long term my fiance's not going to have some kind of repressed issue because of that, is he?

              • 1 week ago
                Anonymous

                Depends on the guy but for much of recorded human history women stay at home and lived with the man. OPs issues isnt the last name but the spirit behind it she doesn't want to willingly submit to her husband which in marriage is a huge red flag meaning she'll think she knows best and she'll do her own thing making a mess of the marriage.

              • 1 week ago
                Anonymous

                I can't speak for your fiancé because people value different things. It's important to communicate with him his needs. Generally speaking there's a reason why women do wifely roles around the house and there's a reason why men do husbandly roles around the house. It's temperament and biological preference. Men are more suited to the practical health of the family and women are more suited to the emotional wellbeing of the family. If both of you are taking cleaning and cooking 50/50 then that's not a problem. But if no one is going to clean or cook then I would consider that a problem.

                Right now there's a lot of women who get married, have a part time job and then do nothing at home and have a husband who works full time who is expected to still his duties at home. The resentment happens when one partner is clearly carrying more of the load.

              • 1 week ago
                Anonymous

                We split the cooking and the cleaning mostly. Which it's a small place, things are easily kept clean and the "cooking" is usually ordering out. It sounds like we'll be okay for how you describe it.

                Depends on the guy but for much of recorded human history women stay at home and lived with the man. OPs issues isnt the last name but the spirit behind it she doesn't want to willingly submit to her husband which in marriage is a huge red flag meaning she'll think she knows best and she'll do her own thing making a mess of the marriage.

                Not to be confrontational or anything, but I don't understand why it's necessary for me as the woman to submit to the man? Why does anyone have to be in submission in a relationship? Shouldn't we just do things because we love each other? I never thought of a relationship as something where someone's "in charge", I always thought of it as a partnership so this outlook is very foreign to me.

              • 1 week ago
                Anonymous

                There's always dominant partner both in love and in business. Whether you like it or not there's always the top dog that ultimately makes the final decision. What's infuriating with women in relationships is they nag and wave their clits around like penises about trivial issues and then disappear in the night when real shit goes down. Either be the copilot or be the pilot but don't play fucking musical chairs. It will be distressing for your relationship and for your children if you have them.

              • 1 week ago
                Anonymous

                >Not to be confrontational or anything, but I don't understand why it's necessary for me as the woman to submit to the man?

                Submit means to willingly obey or listen. Its just how things work the guy is in charge, the woman listens and takes care of the home and helps raise the kids. While the man provides. Partnerships work only in business and gay and lesbian relationships, in short fake create stuff.
                Let me put it this way it just works. Give it a shot for like a month just willing and unwillingly listen to your man when you guys are married.
                Women aren't all that good at leading so its best they take a following role it just works.

              • 1 week ago
                Anonymous

                >incel
                Fat, rainbow-haired, supercunt, turboslut detected.

              • 1 week ago
                Anonymous

                >>t. people who have never talked to women irl before

                Lol whatever you say there buddy. Haha you must be a women too, jumping to that conclusion. I would talk to you and date you but I only like real women. But were suppose to be kind to the mentally weak so drop a discord lets chat, it'll be your honor.

              • 1 week ago
                Anonymous

                Only a retard would marry a woman who didn't want to change her name. You probably hate cooking, cleaning and won't even do duty sex. Something tells me your relationship life is shit.

                sorry fags, but i have way higher standards than neckbeard incels who believe in "duty sex" lmao

              • 1 week ago
                Anonymous

                >sorry fags, but i have way higher standards than neckbeard incels who believe in "duty sex" lmao.

                Hmm... never been called a neckbeard or incel. Call me vocel.
                Afraid you might like talking to a Man, understandable.
                Even dudes like talking to a real man. Before you go troon(?) anon what is "duty sex"
                And you need to drop a discord if you read this far that is the rule. That is the rule I don't make them i just enforce them.

              • 1 week ago
                Anonymous

                Please don't tell me you think your dyke personality is a winner

              • 1 week ago
                Anonymous

                I always preferred the term maintenance sex and it's one of the universal things women who've been married a long time have in common. Every now and then if it's been a while they just do the deed regardless of how they're feeling about it at the time, some people even schedule it weekly. Sex has a lot of psychological effects that people like to pretend don't exist for some reason, that shit can get a couple through some tough times. You really want to read some interesting stuff, there are some articles about women who try to go an entire year having sex with their husbands every day, to the woman they reported overwhelming increases in marital happiness, their husbands did more for them, they had better home lives, by contrast I've never heard of a relationship that did well by reducing the amount of sex being had.

              • 1 week ago
                Anonymous

                Thanks for that explainer wow i mean i usually just take it whenevenr I'd want it but i didn't know ppl schedule that out like a dental visit.

          • 1 week ago
            Anonymous

            >I think marriage is legitimate for purposes of being a declaration of monogamous love between two people.
            >"hurrr the state needs to sanction my relationship because it isn't strong enough to stand on its own"
            just stop. You're not even willing to take his name, quit pretending to hold marriage up as anything but a legal contract.

          • 1 week ago
            Anonymous

            >Tippins

            Lmao ok i take back what i said a few posts up. Dont take that name lmao fuck im actually smirking from trying not to laugh in public.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        Your attitude is a massive red flag for divorce. I don't know why an independent feminist like you would even want to be married so I would have to know your angle. If I were to guess you're not even that attracted to your man. Like want to fuck him so much that he is tapped out. If I were to guess you're already at the rationing stage of sex in your relationship and you use sex as a tactic for compliance. So if you said that to me I'd instantly know you're not attracted to me and you're using me for money / attention. But to be honest I'd never had gotten into a long term relationship with you let alone proposed to you.

        • 1 week ago
          Anonymous

          Agreed. My last ex said that shit and lo and behold she was a bdp bitch who tried to haggle and bargain sex. Cheating on her was the best choice ive made in recent years because fuck being loyal to that. Everyday just wears you down like a pencil.

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        No op don’t listen to the massive amount of khv freak enthostate tradwife obsessing incels here. This is very clearly a weirdly possessive thing (that none of the guys here are clocking) because
        >you’re fucking right
        It DOESN’T change your relationship or what is between you two and a lot of straight men can have weird beliefs about owning women when they get married, like literally believing in marital rape. This is a red flag and you should see it as it is: reason to explore his beliefs about marriage and respect and finding out whether or not he would respect you as an equal. You need to do that last part without him obviously knowing because if he does have a weird abusive (controlling men often become abusive) marriage = ownership mindset he likely won’t communicate that to you until you’re married or believe it to go without saying. A lot of these sorts of beliefs are handed down via religion or culture. Do not ever marry a man who does not see you entirely as an independent person choosing to marry you, or who would not respect your continued independent and equal identity after marriage.

  2. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    I'd dump you on the spot not even a question. It's actually a massive insult and it's no different than telling him you don't want to have his kids. I'd toss you in the trash like the garbage you are.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      This, like bitch you're already essentially cutting my life short via marriage, the least the selfish cunt can do is take my last name. Let me guess, OP is one of those cunts who thinks her identity will be erased if you take his name, pike everything you are is just magically erased.

  3. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    who bloody cares. you're both wrong for caring. he's more wrong for the soap opera line "it's like we're not even married" though

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      He's still absolutely right.

  4. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    What's your last name?

  5. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    Yes, you are wrong.
    You fiance is pretty chill to tolerated you, but you sound like a potential nightmare if you were to get married. wish the guy the best with you. Listen to him.
    Listen and submit to your man.
    Going by your post you aren't going to want to submit but you will try, remember "try" not succeed, to control the marriage and give your husband hell eventually he may just leave you if it gets bad enough. So submit to him anon you will be happier.

  6. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    Changing last names is cringe and gay. America is the only country that does this.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      No its not. Travel to more countries.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >America is the only country that does this
      Ok chang

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >Retard that's never stepped foot out of the US

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Leave your single whore mother's rented basement, homosexual.

  7. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    what's the point of marriage then? the whole thing is a "macho possessive" invention

  8. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    My mom hasn't changed hers and my parents have been happily married for 25 years now. I wouldn't force my future wife to change hers either, I think it's a silly thing to argue over.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >inb4 grey divorce and father suicide after his life savings is cleaned out

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        My mom makes more but he's still in charge of finances

        • 1 week ago
          Anonymous

          I bet your mom works a lot of late nights too, probably lots of important business trips and your dad stays home to keep the house tidy.

          • 1 week ago
            Anonymous

            Nope. Mom is WFH mostly. Dad is in office.

            • 1 week ago
              Anonymous

              >mostly
              Children should never comment on the state of their parent's relationship. If your parents are at all normal they hide any of their baggage.

              • 1 week ago
                Anonymous

                Occupation = relationship
                Retard?

              • 1 week ago
                Anonymous

                I can tell you statistically that women who make more than their mate aren't happy in their marriage because women inherently want men who are better than them and money is a metric for this. So statistically your parents are in an unhappy marriage and if they get divorced in 10 years don't be fucking shocked.

              • 1 week ago
                Anonymous

                Women making money in a relationship is fucking pointless, getting them to spend it on the kids or god forbid their husband is like pulling teeth. One of my dumber flights of folly was agree to be a house husband for my wife for a few months, never again, she wouldn't pay for a fucking thing despite spending a year telling me how much she wanted to be the breadwinner.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      b-but according to LULZ incels your dad's a cuck

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        We don't know that for sure, he's certainly beta.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >happily married

      If your dad was man enough to keep youre mom in check mayb.

      Lets test this out, were your mom and dad prefect? Did they do stuff yiu resented them for when you were little? did mom over react and was dad apathetic chill didn't tell your mom to shut up when she over reacting in front of you?

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        >were your mom and dad prefect?
        I think they are good parents
        >Did they do stuff you resented them for when you were little?
        Not really, not that I can recall at least
        >did mom over react and was dad apathetic chill didn't tell your mom to shut up when she over reacting in front of you?
        When my mom gets overly emotional he does keep her in check, he doesn't like when she raises her voice at him

        • 1 week ago
          Anonymous

          >>were your mom and dad prefect?
          >I think they are good parents
          It was a y or n question. Not what you think.

          >>Did they do stuff you resented them for when you were little?
          >Not really, not that I can recall at least
          Y or N

          >>did mom over react and was dad apathetic chill didn't tell your mom to shut up when she over reacting in front of you?
          >When my mom gets overly emotional he does keep her in check, he doesn't like when she raises her voice at him
          Is that a Y.

          Going by how you answered you are either a female or a weak man. So i wouldn't say your parents were happily married more like they tolerate each other and stay together out of tradition.
          Ask your dad abt this he'll tell you unless he's weak too then he'll talk round abt it

          • 1 week ago
            Anonymous

            Relationships don't work in absolutes, the fact that you don't realize that tells me you are either autistic or low IQ. Probably both.

            • 1 week ago
              Anonymous

              More avoidance

            • 1 week ago
              Anonymous

              Lol just answer the questions and not that care for iq
              145 mnsa
              127,135
              On 2 different ones so idk maybe I am low iq

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >happily
      Your father is a miserable cuck.
      He's just good at masking it.

  9. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    Always find it strange when women do this.

    Like you are somehow rebelling against men.

    You're not. Your last name is a man's name, it's just your father's line.

    Take the name. Makes ancestry easier. Just don't hyphenate.

  10. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    This war was over in the 1970s. Sign your checks with his name and use yours professionally.

  11. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    If you respected him you would take his name. You don't respect him and don't want to be his wife and part of his family. You don't understand because you're not a woman. You're a tramp playing pretend.

  12. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    Change your name wtf

    America is a crazy place

  13. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    Yes, you are wrong.

  14. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    Yes you are wrong. The ceremonial meaning of it is you giving up your father's name and taking your husband's as part of a newly created family unit. Your refusal is not only it's disrespectful, it also shows that you're going to be causing a lot more trouble in the future. I'd honestly call off the whole thing if I were him

  15. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    Hey, another woman here, just wanted to say that you have every right to keep your family's name, if he doesn't respect your opinion he probably isn't the one. Don't give attention to the mean replies, there are others who want to keep their names like you do.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      Women for some reason like to keep other women miserable. Keep fighting the man am I right? So what if you have secret fantasies of being dominated and raped. No, what you actually want is a man you can walk all over and wants to be pegged.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      True!! How dare a man want to feel like the head of a family unit by sharing the same last name with his wife and children. So what if he's expected to be the main provider, protector, and pursuer while the woman just gets to be led and provided for? That's his duty! That doesn't mean we have to accept his name lol. Girl power amirite gosh why are men so insecure can't they understand that we women are empowered now???

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      OP trust me on this never ever listen to another woman. Chances are extremely high she is miserable and is telling you to leave you fiance because misery loves company.

  16. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    Trad Wife wannabe alert

    >> Pic made me laugh well done

  17. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    I am a divorced woman, with two kids. I regret so much about my marriage. I trusted my husband completely, and I followed the Christian example my parents taught me to be a good housewife.

    He gambled away most of our money, and brought drugs into the house with our children. I left him and I have not spoken to him again since. I regret ever carrying that man's name, I regret having ever felt love for him.

    I'm not saying that marriage is a bad idea. I'm saying that you're right to keep yourself independent. Never ever ever trust a man completely. The men today are not reliable as they once were. Even those reliable men had their vices that ended up hurting themselves, their wives, and their children.

    You need to do what is best for yourself. If he loves you, then he will want you to do what is best for you too. If he loves you, he shouldn't care that you want to keep your last name.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      You weren't and aren't a Christian woman youre Larping as one. A real Christian would have let go and forgive. I can tell you that much just from reading that story. A Christian woman wouldn't have married such a guy much less encourage others against taking names.

      Did you guys have sex before marriage?
      Y or N

      • 1 week ago
        Anonymous

        You assume a lot to speak of my faith without knowing me. I did not have sex before marriage, though it's no business of yours.

        I didn't know he gambled like that when we married. I didn't know he would get involved with drugs when we got married. He grew up in the same church I had. I could not let him stay around our children with the way he was acting.

        Glass house Christianity is not a good look. The world is a lot harder than we learn about in Sunday school. People aren't perfect, and no one will ever survive in this world living strictly by the examples we're taught in church.

        We're meant to take the lessons to heart, but have the wisdom to know that there is a time and a season for all things. There is a time to leave a relationship when it becomes too toxic.

        • 1 week ago
          Anonymous

          Youre still larping as a Christian, your one in name only.
          Go and forgive to his face your ex, resentment is a form is hate and we are called to love our enemies and our brothers.
          Then go to your mom and dad and forgive them too for not raising you right make sure you say it to there faces if they are real Christians they'll understand if not pride will show its self.
          Say "I forgive you for everything you did to me and I apologize for judging you i see now you couldnt help it."
          Just cause someone goes to church, hears the Word, and claims to have accepted Jesus doesnt make them a Christian.
          There is a reason the bible prohibits women speaking out in church, you are one of them. I'm not judging in fact i love everybody even those that hate me, I'm just pointing your own words, your own words convict you, not me. Go and forgive anon and be free from hate.
          How can good water and bitter water flow from the same spring?

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      >just because I chose a drug addict junkie gambler to be my husband means you shouldn't trust all men
      You are just retarded. A good man doesn't just turn into a drug addict and a gambler overnight. If you didn't see signs before, it's because you chose to ignore them.

    • 1 week ago
      Anonymous

      I'm going to provide a counterpoint here. I am a married man with three children who dealt with this defensive posture in my wife for a very long time. She would not take my name, she would not merge finances, she would not cosign things, also was super reluctant to do anything like cooking and cleaning so over time I ended up just doing all that too. Eventually this reached a head when she wanted me to pay for a bunch of home repairs to a home in her name, one she'd refused to put me on the deed for despite many years of bills and upkeep at this point, a pointless endeavor under our state's marriage laws anyway, but whatever that's not the point. So we had it out, and over the course of many arguments and couples therapy it came out that she was so scared to let me into her life because she'd been raised on stories like yours and this toxic feminism which prizes "independence" to an unhealthy and ridiculous degree. She insisted she loved me, wanted to be with me forever, but always wanted one foot out the door, it got to the point where I flat out asked her why am I married? Like is there a point to a relationship where you're just constantly preparing contingencies in case the person you supposedly love turns into a monster overnight? It took a long time to work our way back from that, I don't know what women expect when they do this stuff. Like caution is all well and good, vetting etc, but you will destroy any love a person has for you if you constantly treat them like a dangerous animal or a future threat to you.

  18. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    you're not wrong

  19. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    it's 100% better to change your name legally
    because once you have kids your kids will go through so much shit having parents with different last names
    for example you picking up your kid at the elementary and you have a different last name to your kid and other stuff like that

    my mom changed her last name legally
    but in her career and with her friends she uses her own last name because it sounds better

    just do it officially but not socially you get the benefits of both worlds

  20. 1 week ago
    Hedgie

    Keep your name if you want to, he's probably a bluffing asshole, but if he considers something so small so trivial then it isn't worth it in the long run.

    I'm keeping my last name, I worked way too hard in my career to have my name badge yeeted into the garbage with a new last name on it

  21. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    Change your name to his, you woke liberal dunce.
    He deserves better than a fat, rainbow skank like you.

  22. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    I told my wife if she doent take my name we are not getting married, a woman takes the mans name, that just how it is.

  23. 1 week ago
    Anonymous

    [deleted post]

    >t. doormat

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