LULZ / LGBTQ

Literally feel like a robot

I'm in my mid-twenties and I feel like I am so mindbroken from a lifetime of dysphoria and loneliness that I am simply no longer capable of feeling any kind of strong emotion. If someone told me they loved me I would just feel numb. If I cuddled with someone I would just feel empty. I am merely a shell of a person, I have no sentience, I am a philosophical zombie who has just enough self-awareness to realize they exist but not enough to develop any kind of personhood. I'm a sentient mannequin who has learned to convincingly larp as a human, but not well enough to feel genuine human emotions. I have no internal world besides vague anxieties and insecurities that I don't know how to resolve. I'm literally not a person, I have no soul, I'm a flesh robot with a blank space where a personality should be.
I'm not even convinced I actually exist, I'm just observing the actions of a "human" who makes decisions without my input.

Anyone else know this feel?

  1. 4 days ago
    Anonymous

    More familiar with this than I wish but for the love and cuddling stuff at least I found that I did warm back up and feel those pretty quickly once I started receiving them - but of course you have to receive them which is easier said than done

  2. 4 days ago
    Anonymous

    just fucking die whoever you are

    • 4 days ago
      Anonymous

      Thanks anon, you actually made me laugh

      More familiar with this than I wish but for the love and cuddling stuff at least I found that I did warm back up and feel those pretty quickly once I started receiving them - but of course you have to receive them which is easier said than done

      I'm glad that that helped you. I hope I'll be able to have the same experience one day

      >Anyone else know this feel?

      yes, I am no longer human nor real

      it's dissociation

      >it's dissociation
      That's what it seems. I just can never remember a time when it wasn't like this. HRT has helped my body issues a lot but it's just made me go from constantly thinking about suicide to just feeling kinda numb

      • 4 days ago
        Anonymous

        Why’d would ya laugh at an eco-terrorick?

      • 4 days ago
        Anonymous

        [log in to view media]

        >That's what it seems. I just can never remember a time when it wasn't like this. HRT has helped my body issues a lot but it's just made me go from constantly thinking about suicide to just feeling kinda numb.

        Same for me. I've been in a dissociative fog of varying intensity since I was a kid. I can't remember a lot of my past at this point in time. What I do remember is very fuzzy and loose. For me it is triggered by chronic stress, which unfortunately, as chronic suggests, is persistent. Whatever is causing you stress will be the likely culprit, whether that be past or present trauma, your life situation, etc.

        Unfortunately for me, it's the one tool I have in my life that allows me to just barely function. If I didn't have this cope, I don't know where I'd be. I don't know if you're the same. But it isn't pleasant to be in all the time. I feel like I am going insane, the lines between my dreams and reality are blurring more and more. Most of the day, I am very confused as I try to pick apart what's real and what isn't.

        I don't necessarily have a solution to it, I'm sorry. It's something I'm still trying to work through myself, but I believe stress; both physical and mental well-being, play a huge part in managing it.

        I hope you can find help for it anon.

      • 4 days ago
        Anonymous

        I mean it. Fucking die if it isn’t a batemen larp trash.

      • 4 days ago
        Anonymous

        bruh you're scaring me

        im supposed to star hrt this saturday

        been depressed emotionally numb surrounded by people who love and support me but still feel like im alone and can't reciprocate affection.
        i try my best to emulate it but haven't been able to cry for atleast 5 years, last time i cried was on my 18th birthday i remember feeling so isolated and powerless...
        been a robot ever since a while back depression and anxiety got out of control and was having a hard time functioning as a human being.
        had dysphoria from a young age but was too scared to tell anyone.

        i was hoping hrt could help me be human again. am i making a mistake ?
        my T levels were low as well 258 at 23yo

        • 4 days ago
          Anonymous

          aand i'm having a panic attack. love this website.....

          • 4 days ago
            Anonymous

            screw off

        • 4 days ago
          Anonymous

          >been depressed emotionally numb surrounded by people who love and support me
          Like who? And what do you think "love and support" look like?

          • 4 days ago
            Anonymous

            family and some close friends. they keep saying i should do what i feel is right. that they'll be there no matter what

        • 4 days ago
          Anonymous

          aand i'm having a panic attack. love this website.....

          I'm really sorry that I've made you feel worse, anon, that really honestly wasn't my intention in making this thread.
          For what it's worth, HRT has helped me quite a bit with these things. My mood is a lot more stable now, it just hasn't solved all my issues. It stopped me from sui-ing but hasn't completely fixed me, but I also wasn't expecting it to either.

  3. 4 days ago
    Anonymous

    Sounds like disassociation. Its a coping mechanism probably brought on by a failure to live authentically. You need boy removal.

  4. 4 days ago
    Anonymous

    >Anyone else know this feel?

    yes, I am no longer human nor real

    it's dissociation

  5. 4 days ago
    Lily

    fuck, yeah I really feel this one OP, i'm very much the same. Met a really cute girl though and she makes me feel fuzzy inside when we talk so hopefully that could help me out :3

  6. 4 days ago
    Anonymous

    yeah. it sucks. I just want to dissappear honestly. It seems like I'm not even actually a person.

    • 4 days ago
      Anonymous

      [log in to view media]

      • 4 days ago
        Anonymous

        what? are you saying I'm bpd or have cptsd?

      • 4 days ago
        Anonymous

        What exactly are you trying to say anon? Yes a lot of disorders are superfically similar and theres lots of comorbidity.

      • 4 days ago
        Anonymous

        >icd-10 screenshot
        >????

      • 4 days ago
        Anonymous

        >A-G and sometimes H from CPTSD
        wew lad
        You’d think if I got traumatized I’d have a better sense of what caused it

        • 4 days ago
          Anonymous

          the 'complex' part of cptsd comes from multiple or prolonged traumas that are harder to pinpoint than traditional PTSD.

  7. 4 days ago
    Anonymous

    I can relate to that feeling. I feel like meat that's kept alive purely so I can suffer as much as possible. Sometimes I get a brief respite when I speak with someone (actual conversation, not customer service prompts) but the feeling never lasts.

  8. 4 days ago
    Anonymous

    [log in to view media]

    blow your head off july 4th

  9. 4 days ago
    Anonymous

    same

    worst thing i had periods where i stopped dissociating for a longer moment and i have no idea what caused it or how to repeat it

  10. 4 days ago
    anonymous

    [log in to view media]

    I know it. The only thing that fixed it was seeking Christ.

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