I've been with my gf for a while now, we are both in our 30s, live together and everything that comes with it.
I'm pretty happy with our relationship with the exception of our sex life in the last 3 months.
Due to changing jobs and even location of living, she and I went through a lot of stress and she completely lost her libido for almost 2 months. Before this it was around 2/3 times a week.
We didn't have sex whatsoever during that time, not even making out or touching each other. I got along with it because I could see she was stressed and I didn't want to pressure her.
Now we are finally living in the new place, she started a new job etc. We had sex maybe 3 times since mid of August.
Each time I try to initiate she blocks it by saying she's not in the mood. The only times we had sex in the last 3 months, it was because she always initiated it first.
I approached this topic with her and she tells me crying that she's sorry for her lack of libido and that she wishes she could do something about it.
A couple of days ago she got out of her office (we work from home) and said "I'm extremely horny right now!" and I thought that finally we were going to have sex after almost 2 weeks.
She then said that she had to finish something from her work and when it was over she didn't feel like it anymore.
I got pissed and sad because this was a last blow to my self esteem.
I feel completely rejected, unattractive and with low self esteem. I'm irritated all the time, with bad moods.
She's not cheating, I know this for a fact.
I don't know what the fuck to do or how to approach this. Sex is like air for me, if I get it regularly maybe even 2 a week or 1 a week I don't even think about it, but if it starts lacking I immediately feel it.
Help?
Forgot to mention that she once told me that her exes would tell her that she had low libido.
>Each time I try to initiate she blocks it by saying she's not in the mood
You've been together to long, she's lost interest and only wants to move forward with a sexless relationship.
It's time to move on anon.
If you are still hold out hope then talk to her about it again and see past the water works, actions speak louder than words and if she hasn't put in any effort in the next month then she clearly doesn't give a shit about you.
Remember you can find another women who actually cares
I just talked with her about this.
I told her that I will stop trying to initiate sex with her because she always blocks me and it's making me feel unwanted, unappreciated and unattractive.
Her response was that it's not about me but about all the stress surrounding the new job and new town that we live in.
She then told me that the more I try to initiate the less she wants to have sex, so I told her that I won't do anymore because being rejected constantly is taking a toll on me. She said that she didn't want me stop trying to initiate but that I should seek therapy about why I feel rejected and unwanted when she's not in the mood to have sex.
I don't know what the fuck to do anymore. I feel so bad, it's like I'm entering a sexless relationship again.
So the more you initiate, the less she wants sex, but you should keep going and oh, btw get some therapy ...
Run, you fool
>''Uh, you should get some therapy to see why you feel rejected when I reject your advances.''
>again.
pardon?
>She said that she didn't want me stop trying to initiate but that I should seek therapy about why I feel rejected and unwanted when she's not in the mood to have sex.
she wants you to keep trying because it makes her feel desired and wanted.
>it's not me, it's you
>you should seek therapy
yet she doesn't understand how constant rejection can take a toll on someone.
seems to me this is only the tip of the iceberg op.
4 options:
>open communication and effort from BOTH sides
>couples therapy (try communication first)
>get what you need from somewhere else
>run
random anons on a mongolian basket weaving forum aren't going to solve this one for you.
>it's not about me but about all the stress surrounding the new job and new town that we live in.
Its bullshit , If women or men want to have sex with someone THEY WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN regardless of whats happening.
she's not interested.
>The more you initiate the less she wants to have sex, oh btw I want you to keep initiating sex.
This almost sounds like she enjoying rejecting you and making you feel like shit?
>Therapy
For what? "My gf doesn't find me attractive and it makes me feel like shit"
Thats a perfectly normal reaction.
Honest shes starting to sound like a massive bitch whos taking you for a ride.
Never have kids with this women and never marry her, if shes this complacent with ignoring your issues now then you'll want to blow your own brains out if you are trapped with her.
Also
>I'm entering a sexless relationship again.
Come on anon, if this isn't the first time this has happen then you know how it ends
Beautiful painting
What's her job btw
Do you have kids?
>keep his stomach full
>keep his balls empty
2 jobs op. All she has is 2 jobs and she's already failing at one. Try to figure it out together, find out whatever turns her on, talk about it. If she doesn't want to even try then you're not compatible.
Also, stuff like birth control can fuck with a womens libido
get u a girl who makes you feel as good as this painting does, got dam
I hate women so much it's unreal
You know why it's happening (stress) and you know it's not permanent (she does get horny sometimes). And you probably also know that waxing and waning desire is a common and natural pattern over a relationship.
So wait it out. Make the most of the moments you two do connect sexually, let those remind her of what she's missing, and hang in there. If things don't get better in a couple of months, a little short-term couples counselling can help.
Here's my advice, the reason she isn't horny frequently is because of stress, you both know that. Wait till she comes home from work one day and you have an hour or so of free time and she doesnt have anything to work on. Have her take a shower and then lay down with a blanket under her on a couch or bed, and give her a nice massage. Dont talk during it unless she talks first and initiates. Scratch her scalp and run your fingers through her hair and rub her shoulders. Show her that you are invested in her feeling good and you want to help relieve her stress. After awhile ask how she feels and of she wants to cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie or something.
This will relieve her and put her into a calm mood and connect her to you, wig the knowledge that you care and are there for her in her times of need. The closeness and touch of the massage and cuddle may lead to sex alone, and even if it doesnt, the stress relief will pave the way for it later.
Good luck.
Asking a bunch of sexless woman hating men how to fix your sex life was always going to result in
>leave her bro you could do so much better, just go find the high libido girl of your dreams who will drain your balls despite anything she’s going through
3 months isn’t a long time at all to adjust to a new living situation and a new job. She’s outright telling you the problem OP, she’s stressed out and it’s killing her libido. Have you attempted to work around this at all? Are you initiating with her in a way that women are receptive to, or are you initiating in a way men are receptive to by just going “Sex now”? Help her destress when she gets home from work, make her feel sexy, make an effort to turn her on.
>she says the more I initiate the less she wants to have sex
>she doesn’t want me to stop initiating
I would bet money you’re doing it in a way that 99.9% of women aren’t receptive to. Physically women’s bodies take some time to become aroused, and just the thought of sex often isn’t enough to make that happen. Sit down and talk with HER, not the incels here, and ask her how she would like for you to initiate with her. Ask her what turns her on, and how you can initiate in a way that doesn’t turn her off. Maybe she wants to be romanced more, maybe an intimate massage and enough touching could get her in the mood. Maybe she wants more compliments, or maybe she wants the whole atmosphere to be sexier
And as for her side of compromising, ask her to try and give your advances a chance. Ask her to give you some time to try and turn her on before she shuts you down. Maybe before you start kissing her neck and she immediately tells you no, right? So ask her to at least be receptive to letting you try, so that you have a chance to kiss all over her, tell her she’s beautiful, tell her how much you want her. She’s not giving you a chance to put her in the mood and that’s what needs to happen here