I'm 21 and I have never had a friend before.
I have severe social anxiety and autism, I want to make friends and also get a boyfriend too, is this achievable?
I'm 21 and I have never had a friend before.
I'm 21 and I have never had a friend before.
I have severe social anxiety and autism, I want to make friends and also get a boyfriend too, is this achievable?
Yes, you're not autistic, you're plain awkward and reserved. You can do it.
I have diagnosed autism
I really feel bad for autistic women nowadays. There's literally nowhere for them to go. Men are mostly trash who will use and abuse them, while any support groups for autistic women have been overrun with trannies or tranny enablers who try to convince women that they should chop their breasts off and 'become men'.
There are a few spergy women on here who didn't fall for the trans propaganda, so they might be a safe bet.
>had a 33 y/o spergy autistic gf
>dumped me out of the blue like a bad habit without a word because she had an anxiety shitfit about meeting my family
Meh.
That sucks.
Being an autist doesn't preclude being a bad person, let alone a bad partner. I'm just saying that I feel bad for autistic women who don't have bad motives or poor behavior.
>and also get a boyfriend too
If you're female all you have to do is leave the house and go to ANY kind of public setting or even just publicly proclaim your female status on the internet and you'll have people messaging you.
Unironically, if you say you're female and post your discord ITT you'll have at least 5 people try to add you as a friend and chat with you within the hour.
If you're male go to a gay-club and its practically the same if you look like an obvious bottom. people will approach you and you don't have to do shit.
>If you're female all you have to do is leave the house and go to ANY kind of public setting
This isn't true, I go outside to get clothes or food and no one has ever talked to me or showed interest, and I went through all of school without any interest being shown.
and no one here is nearby, so talking to strangers online doesn't solve anything.
Are you fat, grumpy or give off the vibe that you don't want people to approach you? The other anon is right that it isn't hard for a woman to get a guy's attention. My husband fell for me and I was a socially awkward sperg carrying a DS with me to McDonald's and getting ketchup in my hair (this wasn't a date to be clear lol this is how we first met), so if my dumb ass can do it, so can you. Just clean yourself up a little and go to some public get togethers. Shoot, try cosplaying at a con and you'll probably get at least one guy to talk to you.
I'm physically healthy, but socially anxious so I guess I look scared perhaps.
And I feel like going to a con or a meetup is so scary and way above what I'm at currently, like I can't walk around in public without feeling terrified and scared.
nice trips.
okay, that was an overgeneralization. people rarely (NOT NEVER THOUGH SEE
), get randomly approached doing day-to-day stuff like grocery shopping unless they're really hot or approachable, and school is a weird/different setting because of all the social dynamics going on (everyone at least somewhat knows each other, and hence will also know who asks who out and who's dating each other, and who got rejected etc, so basically most non-chads avoid asking girls out in school because the rejection might just fck up their entire social life instead of just feeling down for a bit)
However if you go to a typical setting where people are more expected to approach you like a bar or something you WILL get approached pretty soon/fast.
Oh and, I know a bunch of people who met online, started chatting and going for a long-distance relationship at the start, and then meet up and eventually marry, thats was like the story of 1/3 of the married couples in the guild back when I still played WOW.
Though to be fair most of them were at least in the same country when they met online, and Germany (my country) is like basically just the size of an average US state.
But I've never been to a bar before, it's just really scary, and I never find any guys on here who live in my country.
>and I never find any guys on here who live in my country.
the fuck?
Would you be a rareflag if you posted on a board with flags?
>But I've never been to a bar before
fair
Maybe just try sitting on a bench in a public park or on a university campus while not looking to busy and somewhat approachable, reading a book or something.
Problem with having people just approach you in real-life is a lot of the guys just want to bang you and aren't interested in an actual relationship.
Same with dating apps really.
A lot of the guys who actually want stable relationships either ARE already in a relationship, or are at least half as socially akward as you and don't want/dare to cold-approach women in public.
>Problem with having people just approach you in real-life is a lot of the guys just want to bang you and aren't interested in an actual relationship.
This is the biggest issue for OP. Relying on cold approaches makes the problem far worse, but lots of guys are just like that in general, and autistic women have an even harder time telling the difference.
Not having sex without actual commitment (read: marriage) filters them out almost completely, though.
>but lots of guys are just like that in general
I think there are a lot of guys that'd prefer a LTR over a hookup. I'm currenly doing my masters degree in physics at university and I'd put like half the guys in my classes including myself in that category.
Problem is most of them are just as socially inept as OP and wont approach anyone.
>I think there are a lot of guys that'd prefer a LTR over a hookup
There are a decent number, sure.
But another big problem, and even harder for autists to distinguish, is how many men are interested in a "long-term" relationship but not actually commitment. That is, they like the convenience and stability of a sexual relationship over time, but they won't actually commit to a woman. That's how you get the scenario of women spending 5+ years and almost all of her youth on a dead-end relationship with a guy who eventually leaves after he gets bored.
This is why I say it's important to not have sex without commitment, because it's the one thing neither men looking for hookups nor men who would take a woman for granted like that would do.
>the scenario of women spending 5+ years and almost all of her youth on a dead-end relationship with a guy who eventually leaves after he gets bored.
Fair, I agree that a solution to that would be "no sex before marriage (or at least engagement)".
However chances of a guy who cold-approaches a woman being okay with that are practically zero.
So looking on the internet might be the only option, either posting her discord here on LULZ or reddit or something and making it absolutely clear to everyone OP is chatting with from the get-go that nothing is happening without a ring, or maybe some christian dating forum.
>However chances of a guy who cold-approaches a woman being okay with that are practically zero.
I agree, absolutely. That's why I said it's not a good strategy to rely on cold approaches to find a bf.
>So looking on the internet might be the only option
Not a really good one, I don't think. Even leaving aside that the kinds of people to make what are essentially cold approaches over the internet will skew towards having low inhibitions, it's almost guaranteed to result in a long-distance relationship at best, and risks keeping someone complacent over a low-investment online 'relationship'.
dunno, what'd you reccomend?
If cold approaches in reallife are out, and you're against looking on the internet either where else would you find someone who's actually interested in a LTR that ends in a classical marriage?
IMO over the internet you can at least make sure that people you talk to are aware of your intentions, so if you clarify from the get-go you're celibate and want to wait for marriage, at least you can be sure that most of the people who'd approach you are aware of that and respect that.
I'd recommend meeting people in person, just not through cold approaching. Social anxiety is an obstacle here, and it'll have to be dealt with on some level, but it's not prohibitive: places which exist for the sole purpose of socializing (parties, bars, etc.) are also places someone who wants a serious relationship should avoid.
Instead, places or activities that OP is interested in to begin with give her some common ground to get to know people. Not just guys, but female friends, too. Anyone she meets is much likelier to have a shared interest with her, so they already know a little bit about each other, and whatever they're doing can be the focus of the conversation. That makes it easier to show one's personality without the painful and/or nerve-wracking process of small talk for anxious/very introverted people.
>so if you clarify from the get-go you're celibate and want to wait for marriage, at least you can be sure that most of the people who'd approach you are aware of that and respect that.
That part is true, sure. It doesn't solve the other two problems, though--the more imbalanced or low-inhibition types are likelier to respond, and almost anyone who responds is going to be far away. It could theoretically work. I just don't think it's something that should be counted on.
22 guy and have very few friends too. wanna talk?
We can be friends if u like, we can talk about Pokémon. You just have to put in equal effort into conversation and we’ll get along