I feel like I want to be honest atleast once in my life but I also dont want that to be the way people remember me. Only like one person knows ive ever felt this way so I could takt this secret 2 my grave. (sorry anon who's threed I posted this in oops)
killing yourself is stupid.
idk I dont think so, I think thats a big generalisation
its literally the dumbest fucking thing you could possibly do with your life
not really I could do lots of dumb things actually ! I think doing it on a whim is stupid but thatss not the case
Depends. People who hold this view are usually ignorant. Stupid is not acknowledging that people can be driven to the edge and mental health ain't cheap
It's like having never experienced excruciating physical pain and then wondering why people in pain act like the way they do
Suicide is a reaction to pain. Not something you just wake up and decide to do.
Why are you repping?
As in, what conditions made you decide to repress?
sorry for the long text in advance I mean socially ive never been in a position where It would be acceptable to transition but thats nbd tbh I just hate my body. I knew I was trans when I was 14 n barely affected by puberty, I knew about DIY and I could have done something about it but i was too afraid to do anything about it. I was on autopilot for most of my teens n now I am 18 and I am realising how much I fucked up, im WAY too masculine now So repressing is my only option. idk if that makes sense
It makes sense, sure enough! It feels pointless to do anything about it, it's a mindset most people here have probably experienced more than once, if not frequently. But it is also a self-defeating mindset. By assuming it's too late, you're never going to do anything about it and it only gets later and later, and look more and more hopeless.
But if you genuinely fear you'll never get enough out of transitioning, at least consider, for example, taking E for your mental health. Repping on hrt is something I've read about fairly often, and people seem to really benefit from it. It might make life bearable enough to continue. It's up to you, of course, but I recommend looking at other options than sui before you commit to it
I understand your point and I really have considered all my options and I have absolutely considered just taking e n keeping it to myself but I think I am still the same pussy I was as a kid unfortunately, I appreciate you being thoughtful but I really am set on this . I just want to make sure I do it right
Well, I'll tell you what I always say in these sorts of threads, and that is that if suicide is on the table, you've got nothing to lose. If you can push through to end it, you might be able to push through your fears!
But I understand if that's not the case. I hope you can make it through this but I won't blame you if you can't. Sometimes it's all that's really left. Just remember that you're in a very turbulent time in your life at 18, it might get better.
As for the note thing, honestly, it's very oassive aggressive. It would be better to confront them before you do it. If they get something like that sprung on them it's probably going to fall very poorly. They might even ignore it because they don't feel they can do anything else with it. In other words: it's better to speak in life than to announce in death
idk I think if I mention it irl I probably just get called slurs lol and then It will seem like im doing it out of spit and they will feel guilty so maybe Iu will just omit it completely lol
I didnt start until my 30s. Im not 100% and I'll never be a supermodel, but I'm cute enough and pass with makeup. And I finally feel like myself instead of the metaphorical mask I was forced to wear since childhood
whatever your reasons for repping, they are valid. Fear has basis in reality
but so does regret. Start now, live your life, bring the real you out. Don't end it all without ever trying
I dont think age is as important as many trans people make it out to be personally, I have seen loads of pretty girls that transitioned way older than me. I only mentioned age bcos it's relevant to the fact that I have just finished most of male puberty, I AM NEVER going to pass. that is just the reality, not bcos of my age but bcos of how I look and the way that my genetics have made me.
wth can someone just give their opinion on whether I should mention it in my suicide note or not so I can leave
please don't go. we have enough awful and evil people in the world, why can't we keep just one person who cares?
I am sorry, please do not worry about me. I am not a good person, it will not make a difference to anything and no-one will be hurt so it's okay. im not saying that to be edgy, it genuinely is okay so dont stress it.
you know, you say you'll never pass, but you already type fembrained? that's more than most here can say
on a serious note, i've absolutely been there. i can't tell you that you shouldn't do it, or that you don't have your reasons. that would be utterly hypocritical of me.
i don't argue against suicide for moral or ethical reasons. i think everyone is within their right to do so if they desire. i only want to mention that it is not merely a single decision, but the last and only decision you will ever make. suicide is on my mind every day, but i'm here right now because i want the opportunity to make more mistakes.
i can't tell you that it's not hard or unfair. it really, truly is. i can't tell you that it's worth it, because i don't know if it will be. all i wanna say about it is that you can always kill yourself later, but you can never transition after death. are you alright with the idea of forever resting as a man in your coffin?
my only advice is to try hrt. it certainly didn't fix me, but at least i know there's a light at the end of the tunnel now. i sure as hell can't see it, but the idea that it exists makes me too curious to die. perhaps you feel similarly?
i can't speak for family, but friends are usually more supportive than you'd think. if they really love you, their internalized bigotry will not be able to sit at the same table as their feelings towards you.
Not a good person? Would a bad person worry about others over themselves? Would a bad person tell others not to worry when they want to end their life?
Would a bad person think twice about making their family feel guilt over their deaths? You are not as bad as you think
Anon, as someone who tried to kill herself at age 5 because of dysphoria and an abusive family, it's not worth it.
You didn't "fail" to get hormones, society made it impossible and such a severe taboo that the mere thought of even wearing girl clothes is basically carte blanche for bullying you forever afterwards, even by family members and especially father figures. You think a 14 yr old child is gonna be able to stand up to society, her family, and her own bodily reality by herself? Fuck no
In the end though, I'm way better off now on hormones even though I started off when I was 21, and had transition opportunities when I was 5, 12, 16, and then 18. I took none of them. In the end, I still get called girl in public, normal people use my new name, and I'm living my best life without any surgery or anything
It really does get better, honey. I seriously wouldn't be here right now if it didn't