I want to kill myself. I have headaches all the time and I'm living in a homeless shelter. I think I'm being poisoned by the staff and homeless. I'm in physical pain all the time. I've been to the authorities but I can't prove I'm being poisoned. I hurt all the time. I just want to read and not hurt any more.
You probably need medical attention
If they’re not withdrawals from something you were used to before the shelter, then is what you ought to get.
I've had MRIs. I've been to the FBI. Three times. I don't know what to do. It's a way of poisoning someone and getting away with it, so it could be damn near anything. I've wondered if I'm just being given COVID repeatedly. I hurt all the time.
As for the FBI, they know it's happening and don't care. The "agents" they've had talk to me are the idiot brigade that deal with cranks. Most likely they figure that the people in this town just take care of their own and the gangs will clean up and that'll be the end of it. I wouldn't mind the cops if they weren't dysfunctional and incompetent. One of the agents was on drugs when he interviewed me and another appeared autistic. I don't know if it's a joke or what, but that happened. Were they family members? Were they agents? They didn't have badges and they wouldn't give me their last names, so I figure something fucked up is going on - FBI headquarters in San Francisco if that matters. Maybe the agents just have family members deal with the idiots that they don't want to deal with because they have "real" work or something. It's incredibly fucked up.
Paranoid schizophrenic. Tons of those end up homeless. Your theory/suspicions are completely batship insane. Thats why youre homeless because youre not thinking right. Get some medication.
Explain the bilateral headaches and how to fix them. I don't do drugs, I don't drink. Why does the left half of my head hurt all the time?
Not sure about that. Go to the emergency room and have them check it out. But your other symptoms are common paranoid schizophrenia.
You may have a brain injury or high blood pressure or whatever, but you also need to get your paranoia/suspicons medicated. Trust me ive seen plenty of people who believe others are hurting them in various ways. There is no conspiracy against you or anyone else who is homeless. Its just dirt poor people trying to steal or borrow what they can.
go to a hospital and tell them you are paranoid and ask for medication. otherwise youll be on the streets for the next 40 years.
What makes you think they’re poisoning you? And with what?
Anon idk how to navigate this, but you’re gonna be okay bud. You’ll get through this and it’s gonna be okay.
I'm a virgin with no STDs, I've smoked less than half a joint in the last year and I don't drink. I've alternated drinking coffee and beating off and not doing either. Sleeping and being active. I'm being intentionally poisoned and fucked with. The homeless also monitoring what I do on the computer and then altering their conversations based on what I do in order to see if any hypnotics that they've given me (in my sleep or in my food) have taken affect. Grunting and sniffing at me. I'm so tired. I just want to be able to sleep in a private room with a door.
I'm so disgusted by the people here both the shelter staff and the homeless. The place smells like marijuana right now as the shelter staff are grunting in the hallway. It's hideous. If you mention online that they're acting fucked up they use it as an excuse to fuck with you some more and then deny it. I've had one shithead talk to himself in a normal voice and then slowly lower the volume until he was speaking sub-vocal. I've had people talk to themself through the room dividers. Everyone here is just gross.
Textbook paranoid schizophrenia.
Had a roommate like this aswell. He actually was convinced i was spying on him. I was just a dude with depression in the same clinic and room as him.
OP, do you really think you are THAT important to everybody else around you?
They have their own problems, i'm sure most of them don't even care in the slightest about you.
You're not some high ranking politician are you?
Sounds like you're paranoid
I've had bilateral headaches every minute of the day for the last year that are so painful that I can't read and I've been having people drug and fuck with me. Yeah I'm paranoid. Are you kidding?
This, OP.
Paranoia is what happens if you have been through some really, really hard shit. I’ve dealt with it before myself, and it isn’t fun. You’re not crazy, OP, you’re just someone who had to endure some really crazy shit, that’s all.
Do they at least give you the stuff you needed that you didn’t have when you were homeless? Proper place to sleep and clothes?
I have clothes and a bed but for the first six months I woke up high from other people's drugs. I've woken up high to people talking to me in my sleep. I have scabies and I can't use medication to cure it because the medication will give me seizures, and if I wait to long the scabies will kill me. If I stop moving I can feel the bugs burrowing through my skin and I can't put on the cream or it will kill me. The homeless (or staff) are putting scabies bugs in my clothing and bedding. Which happens right around when my food stamps re-up which makes me think that they want me to eat the food so I'm poisoned by that instead.
I don't have a safe place to exist. I could sleep on the street and deal with roving gang members and fentanyl, but I'm worried if the headaches don't give me seizures or epilepsy I'll die as the scabies eat my heart, liver or kidneys.
Can you explain what you mean by waking up high? I think I know the feeling, is it like brainfogged and disoriented?
Have you ever smoked marijuana? And smelt it? It smells like marijuana and then you're high?
I've woken up high smelling of marijuana. They were drugging me in my sleep.
I have smoked yeah, I know that smell anywhere. I’m not sure if I’ve ever gotten high just by being around other people’s smoke though, so idk about second hand smoke highs.
What I do know is that weed stinks up the place. It could simply mean one of your shelter roomies is a smoker, and you’re smelling the stink from someone who smokes. As for drugging you in your sleep anon, I’m pretty sure you would wake up from someone trying to bring a joint or bong to your lips as you slept. Anyone would eventually wake up from that right?
The marijuana around here is like 90% THC. Maybe they were just setting it off under my bed, what do I know.
Yeah, the emergency room people have fucked with me. True story. I don't particularly care at this point, but like a dipshit wearing a TinTin shirt at a store I happen to be at and then the emergency room people just so happen to be wearing matching TinTin outfits. Are you shitting me I need medical care levels of asshole. So I have an innate suspicion of the good will of any of the medical staff in the city. Or the MRI idiots that would cross their legs, wave their arms about, and then use CBT language at SF General after an MRI (or the lab tech that grunted at me like a dog when I was in the machine). I have notebooks of this shit. It's some sort of coordinated harassment. Most likely a way that people fuck with the poor or the poor fuck with each other or something.
Again, I'm in so much pain at this point that I don't care. I just want my headaches to go away because I'm in constant pain all of the time.
You type like a fucking crazy person. Go get help.
What does that even mean? I've had people say that shit before. It's "you write like a crazy person". You're a fucking retard. Stop making bullshit distinctions between ways of speaking.
How about "make haste towards a point of sanctuary"?
it means you are experiencing thought hallucinations. distortions in rational thinking. you are thinking IRrationally. sign of mental illness. thinking people in the hospital are making an effort to "fuck with" you is paranoid. nobody cares. everyone does their shitty job and goes home. get medical help.
i used to work with various people who were receiving social security disability, and many were paranoid schizophrenics. with medication the paranoia and hallucinations go away to a large extent. they can relax and live a relatively normal life.
people who end up homeless like you almost always do so because of crippling alcohol/drug addiction, or mental illness. schizophrenia being the main cause of the latter.
its very easy to get social security disability payments if you are diagnosed as having schizophrenia. you would be able to stop living on the street if you wanted.
nobody likes to hear ugly and shocking truths but i think you need to face reality and get a good diagnosis.
Look at all those qualifying statements. You write like an idiot.
The "good diagnosis" as opposed to the "great diagnosis"? What is this Yeats for assholes?
I also can't tell if you want me to yell at you. Like the lack of capitalization with the "i's", the "negging". It all looks like a way to get someone on the internet to call you an idiot so you can get off. Which is *weird*. I'm in physical pain over here and I know you're just a random on the internet but that's not the way to act if you want a BDSM relationship with someone. It's about consent and finding a willing partner. If you want to call me an asshole in good faith without me wondering if you're acting goofy on purpose that's something else entirely, but I just can't tell. I've had the whole "let's fuck with the guy while writing in broken english" thing before, specifically with the lower case "i" thing, and as far as I can tell it's a needy bottom BDSM type deal. Look man/woman/it I am in incredible physical pain all day every day. It hurts all the time. I just want it to stop. I'm trolling through literature looking for answers. I jerk off because I have to, but then because my computer is bugged everyone assumes that I want to fuck them or be in a relationship. Or that I'm gay. Or something. Do you have any idea how fucked up it is to treat someone this way that isn't consenting? It means that under no circumstances would I trust you to be a BDSM scene with me. Because you're irresponsible and don't understand what "no" means. And yeah, were it not for the fact that the "i" thing and "you type crazy" (followed by grunting, belching, and dropping shit in the shelter), and "that's the best you can do" weren't negging shit that I've seen before I'd let it slide. But at this point you're acting like a creepy piece of shit and I hurt. If you ever want to have a BDSM relationship in "real life" treat people that are seeking medical advice or are in pain with respect. I don't know what else to say here other than - seriously? I mean I know this is the advice board, but how do *you* (whoever the fuck you are) not know this already?
You're definitely not a fucking weirdo in the same shelter I'm in or who's telling people to act fucked up around me. Nope. You say "you type crazy" and all of a sudden the grunting and snorting and dropping shit on the ground starts up again. Which if I mention it makes me sound "crazy". Yeah...that totally isn't a thing that's happened to me before. *Yawns as loudly as possible while belching*.
And now you made me all flustered by saying stupid shit while I have that headache again. I swear this comes from BDSM somehow and I have no idea how. It's right up there with "negging" and "that's all you can do" and shit like that. I've had it from druggy retards and everyone in this homeless shelter for months, including people around here grunting at me (which is fucking weird - how messed up do you have to do that) or having everyone taking turns holding in their belches and farts until they're around me. I'm so disgusted by everyone in this place I can't even.
Oh - and here's a neat one. As I'm writing this everyone starts yawning loudly, belching, snorting, dropping shit on the floor in the shelter. I take it this is what you meant by "you type like a crazy person"? So when I type that means that people act fucked up and make weird noises, whereas if I wrote long hand they wouldn't do that. Which, if I wrote with pen and paper wouldn't be a problem...Sounds like a fucked up druggy shitburger way of screwing with a guy when he writes on his computer. Yeah, totally not fucked up at all. Total coincidence.
Take the scabies cream, eat your food, avoid others, get a job, get a place. Take headache meds. That's the best you could do.
What do I do about the potential for the cream to give me seizures. I don't know if it would be a cause of the headaches or if it would make me be "twitchy" (skin nerve ending damage). I've taken the cream several times but it's been weeks. Promethrin. I've also taken a round of Ivermectin. Also - linguistically I've heard "that's the best you could do" used an insult in the ghetto, but that will just get me called paranoid. It's like negging for the sex starved and I find it incredibly bizarre. I'd be willing to be beaten by a dominatrix if it would make the headaches go away and I had the money and then it would be over. 37 year old virgin here (which I don't care about) but I just want to stop hurting.
Damn idk ask a doctor about the seizures. But man you gotta get out of the shelter and get some housing and a job. Just apply everywhere until you get a job. Maybe rent a room once you have a job. That's tough man but you can pull through man.
I doubt you're being poisoned. It's not in the interest of anyone there to poison you. You're the reason staff have their job and the other homeless shouldn't be competing with you for resources.
As for physical pain, a lot of stuff can cause that. Most people in the country have chronic pain, it's why so many people abuse Advil and other painkillers.
Sorry to hear that you're in a bad spot and struggling so much. I don't know about getting benefits from the government, but gives some pretty good generic advice.
Yeah, I keep the painkillers down to a minimum. There's absolutely no reason to be in pain and then relying on pain killers because then that means that you're not fixing the underlying cause. Why in the country? Is it because the south is poor or because of farming or something?
When I say "country", I'm just talking about the United States. Although, it does apply to many other countries as well. Painkiller abuse is common because the modern healthcare system finds it easier and more profitable to treat symptoms instead of causes.
Living in a shit environment will cause your body to feel like it's being poisoned due to all the filth floating around getting into your system. That and you might be allergic to whatever industrial strength cleaner they use for the floors/kitchen/bedding/anything
You might not actually be paranoid about being poisoned. Give being homeless in the woods a try