I want love

A litte over a year ago, I had a really upsetting breakup with a boy who I gave all of my heart to. Our relationship lasted about a year. In the past, I had longer relationships, and talked to quite a few guys before him, but I never realized what love truly was until he came along.

Ever since he left me, I have not trusted anybody. I stopped talking to everyone who I was close to when him and I were together and made all new friends who knew nothing about me, and it has pretty much stayed that way. I no longer have close friends because I am afraid of letting people get to know me.

What's worse, I've been lucky enough to have some super sweet guys come into my life and try to be apart of me, and I push them away.

The first was a boy who was a lot like me, only he was better and more kind. He liked me right away, and I entertained the idea of getting to know each other and dating. Once his feelings got stronger though, I found myself not wanting to talk to him at all. I ignored almost all his texts and never answered when he called. I felt terrible, because he had done nothing wrong. He was so nice, and treated me really well. I just completely changed when his feelings became serious. I wish I wasn't like this, but I just don't know what I'm supposed to do.

The second boy is someone who I've known for almost two years, and there has always been something there since the night we met. I like him a lot, but every time I think about being around him I get a sick feeling in my stomach and my head hurts and I just want to throw up. My mind races with thoughts like, 'What if I say/do something stupid?' 'What if he doesn't ;ioke me as much as I like him' 'He is going to end up hurting me' 'I could never tell him how I really feel'

I just want to not be afraid anymore...

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