I posted this in ATOGA, but I'd like to get some more input on this, particularly from women, but I welcome advice from men too.

I posted this in ATOGA, but I'd like to get some more input on this, particularly from women, but I welcome advice from men too.

A while back, a girl I followed on YouTube started an OnlyFans. I was surprised because I didn't expect this from her. I tried to put it out of my mind. I had never paid for porn before and I didn't want to start, but I had this powerful feeling within me that I HAD to see this. I jerked off that night expecting the feeling to go away, but it didn't. I went to bed and woke up the next day, and the feeling still hadn't left me. I ended up subscribing that morning. The first time I'd ever paid to jerk off.

I was shocked to develop what I can only call a compulsion. Over the next several months, I spent literally thousands of dollars. I got depressed thinking about it. This wasn't findom. I wasn't taking pleasure in spending all this money, and she herself told me I didn't have to keep buying stuff. Each time I would tell myself it was the last time, but I'd come back and spend $100 more.

Eventually I was able to get ahold of myself. I cut back, and eventually just unsubscribed. I now look back on that period as very shameful. I regret every dollar I spent there. After seeing such an ugly side of myself, I've taken my finances very seriously, budgeting everything and keeping track of what I spend, and I will never ever pay for porn again.

Women, if a guy told you this story about himself, could you forgive him? Could you ever trust him? And does anyone have any advice for falling into pitfalls like this in the future?

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  1. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Were you dropped when you were a child?

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      I'm shocked by my own actions. I didn't even know I was capable of being so foolish and it's scary to think about.

      If you got your finances in check now and are able to admit your mistakes that makes it a lot less worse.

      Yes. I am autistic about tracking money now, and I will never spend money on porn again.

  2. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    If you got your finances in check now and are able to admit your mistakes that makes it a lot less worse.

  3. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    I’m not sure if it would be about trust, or you doing it again. I think the simp factor would be too cringe for me to date you.
    I can’t comprehend guys who will spend that much just because it’s some rando on the internet.
    Very gross and creepy and cuck behaviour.
    Props to you for overcoming it, but idk maybe bury that secret as deep as you can and throw away the key? What’s done is done, can’t take it back now.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      Unless of course you were doing it WHILE we were dating. That’s cheating 100% and you’d be out the door.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      I agree that it's cringe and shameful, and I really regret it. I don't want to bury it though. I don't want to keep secrets from someone I'd eventually marry and spend the rest of my life with.

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        Fricked up and weird thinking imo. Would you want your future gf or wife to tell you the details of her romantic or sexual encounters? I think it's better off that she wouldn't know you had a severe porn addiction, or AT THE VERY LEAST do not go into detail about it ever.

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          >Would you want your future gf or wife to tell you the details of her romantic or sexual encounters?
          Yes, I do think so. And if I didn't tell her about my history I'd feel like I'm lying by omission.

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            the tragedy of heterosexuality. even when there's one that wants to be honest with his woman he's already participated in things such as spending tons of money to look at a naked woman that sold anus pictures to not go hungry during the pandemic.

  4. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    no, I'm done with men.

  5. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    pay up anon i'll send you feet pics 🙂

  6. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Just don't do it again and make it a funnier story if you ever have to tell the ladies so they see you as goofy chad instead of a creep.

  7. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Please make a thread on one of the porn boards and share some of the porn you paid for.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      I don't even know if I still have access to that stuff.

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        >Paid thousands of dollars for porn and didn't even save it

  8. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    What is there to be forgiven? It's you who has to forgive yourself, there's nothing wrong with what you did. You should however consider why you did it if you weren't taking any pleasure on it. Was it because you wanted her to notice you? Was it because it was your way to express love or affection or attraction towards this person?
    If a guy ever tells me this story, I'd feel bad for him in the sense that, well, obviously any compulsive behavior comes from trauma and needs to be healed. That if they didn't or haven't fixed it. If they have and it's just an anecdote... A little strange maybe but nothing else.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      >obviously any compulsive behavior comes from trauma and needs to be healed
      you're in for a hell of a reveal once you grasp how fundamentally men and women differ on this front.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      Well, I took pleasure in the pictures and videos she was sending. But I was ashamed of the money I was spending. A truly insane amount of money. I would think that I'd just buy one more and I'd be done, but I'd always come back for more.

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