I killed my cat by negligence and I dont know what to think or do.

I killed my cat by negligence and I don’t know what to think or do. She died of heat stroke in my car while I was homeless. I was in Alabama for one day to pay a bill and if I had just driven back up that day she would be okay. But I went to sleep and she died there, suffering. If I had just snuck her past the motel employee she would be okay, but I didn’t. If a million different actions or circumstances were different or acted on, she would be alive. She died next to her water. I am stricken with grief and suicidal.

But I am posting this here because I need answers. A while back I had a dream I was building something, maybe at a church, and then woke up. I didn’t know what it was or why I was doing such a thing. I now know it was a coffin, and I now know it was at the same church I built it at for her. I had another dream as well, I was grieving about killing her while walking through a parking lot with a tree in front of me carrying bags. I now realize it was Walmart and I was carrying groceries asking for her forgiveness crying.

My questions are why did these occur, am I imagining these as an after occurrence, and if they are real, then could I have changed what happened? I have had many other premonitions but they were meaningless, just things that occurred in my life that came true. Little incidences, but never such a big consequence as this. Please genuine answers, I am at my lowest point.

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  1. 10 months ago
    Anonymous

    No idea what to say, sorry to hear that man

  2. 10 months ago
    thefuckingcrowguy

    Garbage fricking human

    >give me signs and premonitions to save my cat
    Frick you moron, here’s your reward.

  3. 10 months ago
    Anonymous

    Hey man, you were going through a hard time. You were doing the best thing you thought based on your circumstances. With this in mind I hope you forgive yourself.

  4. 10 months ago
    Anonymous

    I fricking hate this website.

    • 10 months ago
      Anonymous
  5. 10 months ago
    THE BAD GUY

    It was an accident, let it go as best you can but you're probably done with cats.

    • 10 months ago
      Anonymous

      dont listen to

      >My questions are why did these occur
      Because you are a moron who left a cat to die in a hot car

      you made a mistake and sound genuinely sorry.
      you are having these dreams because you are genuinely sorry and dreams are a way to process things like this in a healthy way, even if it doesn't feel like that.

      • 10 months ago
        Anonymous

        sorry meant

        https://i.imgur.com/LxiJpmF.jpg

        Garbage fricking human

        >give me signs and premonitions to save my cat
        Frick you moron, here’s your reward.

        sorry

        It was an accident, let it go as best you can but you're probably done with cats.

        you have good advice
        turns out the true moron here is me

        • 10 months ago
          THE BAD GUY

          I got flustered for a sec.

          • 10 months ago
            Anonymous

            no need to get flustered baby its all smooth here 😉

  6. 10 months ago
    Anonymous

    This almost happened to me. I was so tired and almost fell asleep in a hot car in the summer. Might have died.
    I'm sorry for your loss, OP.

  7. 10 months ago
    Anonymous

    >My questions are why did these occur
    Because you are a moron who left a cat to die in a hot car

  8. 10 months ago
    Anonymous
  9. 10 months ago
    Anonymous

    I have read everything and all responses no matter how mean are acceptable. I failed her in the worst way possible, and for that I am not looking for condolences or to forgive myself, I am just seeking answers into the dreams.

    If I can clarify these dreams occurred before she died, not after. From three to twelve months before, I can not remember when specifically, only that they occurred and if I could have done something different aside from negligence.

    • 10 months ago
      Anonymous

      you want to address the dreams? then learn to forgive yourself. it takes time, and its good that it takes time that means you have an real heart, but it takes time.

    • 10 months ago
      Anonymous

      I'm sure she forgives you, she just couldn't wait to go back to the Heavenly wilds, you'll see her again.

      Besides that, as a human being you have somewhat of omniscience. You unconsciously already knew that you were habitually not careful enough of things in general, which eventually led to the situation where this occurred. It is to save you, so you can build a better life, and that the next anything you have in life, if that may be even as important as a child, you surely will be more careful than others, who were more careful than you until you became more careful than them.

  10. 10 months ago
    Anonymous
  11. 10 months ago
    Anonymous

    I forgive you, anon.

  12. 10 months ago
    Anonymous

    Just never get another cat again in your life.
    Consider it a penance.
    For every cat you don't get as a pet, that is another life saved.
    This doesn't mean you can't love and enjoy cats. In fact, you should be extra loving to stray cats and other people's cats by petting them, if they'll allow it, and offering them food and cat toys.
    This will be the other part of your penance.
    Do these things, and move forward.

    • 10 months ago
      Anonymous

      >For every cat you don't get as a pet, that is another life saved.
      this is pretty basic way to look at things
      if he when to the shelter and decided to not take in a cat isn't there a change someone with the intention to harm said cat could pic it up? or someone who would kill it through negligence could take it in but since op has that experience he could have "saved it"
      who knows it op didnt own this cat someone else could owned and killed it through negligence in a much more gruesome way

      • 10 months ago
        Anonymous

        No. op should not have cats for pets.

        • 10 months ago
          Anonymous

          im not saying he should im just saying that
          >For every cat you don't get as a pet, that is another life saved.
          is the wrong way to look at it.
          >loving to stray cats and other people's cats by petting them, if they'll allow it, and offering them food and cat toys.
          is great advice tho

  13. 10 months ago
    Anonymous

    MURDERER
    U
    R
    D
    E
    R
    E
    R

  14. 10 months ago
    Anonymous

    that is very rough. it may not mean much to you, but i am sorry for you loss.
    the first thing you should do is allow yourself to grieve fully. the second thing you should do is forgive yourself fully.
    i'm not sure what advise to give with regards to your dreams. i do think such premonitional are real in a sense- they reflect something that you know subconsciously about the current course of your life.
    would changing things have been possible? that, i don't know the answer to. maybe. maybe if the dream prompted you to greater mindfulness and awareness of the risk to her, you would've thought to do one of those other things, beforehand.
    there are always things you think to do differently, after the fact of tragedy. always the question, "Why didn't I think of it BEFORE?"
    perhaps that what these premonitions can be; opportunities to remind yourself to wake up a little more than usual, to stop and think ahead- to avoid dismissing risks too quickly.

  15. 10 months ago
    Anonymous

    >do bad thing
    >don't worry just forgive yourself

    • 10 months ago
      Anonymous

      >do bad thing
      >don't forgive yourself
      >let it ruin your life for no reason

      • 10 months ago
        Anonymous

        >do bad thing
        >don't forgive yourself
        >let it ruin your life because that's what you deserve

  16. 10 months ago
    Anonymous

    self-forgiveness isn't about making bad things OK to do- it is about recognizing that emotional self-mutilation is utterly pointless.

    • 10 months ago
      Anonymous

      why is it pointless

      • 10 months ago
        Anonymous

        There are other people to take care of besides your cat you have to acknowledge the loss and move on if youre going to do right by them and yourself

      • 10 months ago
        Anonymous

        it's not like hating yourself is going to "Teach you not to do that!" any harder than having your beloved pet literally die. your suffering is already sufficient.

      • 10 months ago
        Anonymous

        because theres more to life thanself pitty

      • 10 months ago
        Anonymous

        what do you think the point is, then? what value do you imagine it brings you?

  17. 10 months ago
    Anonymous

    Hey. I can't imagine the grief. I am tearing up for you. If it's any consolation, your dear cat is now closer to the single consciousness we all share. In that, she knows that you didn't mean for this to happen. She knows you're sorry, because she can see and feel it too.

    Cats are very spiritual and zen beings. She had no trouble exiting her body upon death of her body and finding her way home. Rest easy, both of you.

  18. 10 months ago
    Anonymous

    Bury it and remember not to do it to your kids. Keep the windows open and think about shit more clearly. You're probably out of shape or high at the time to let it happen. Good luck.

  19. 10 months ago
    Anonymous

    If you're ever in a situation like that again, always have the cat exit the vehicle. They're infinitely better off being outside. She would've at least been able to seek refuge from the heat. From now on, always have a bottle of George's Always Active aloe vera juice on hand. A 32 oz one oughta be plenty. You can always refill it with one of the large jugs. Don't buy any other brands. The other ones contain sodium benzoate and/or potassium sorbate. Which are 2 preservatives that're poisonous to cats. There's a 3rd one, but I forgot. While George's Always Active doesn't require refrigeration due to its unique manufacturing process, it's fine to place it in the fridge. Other than aloe vera juice, another effective supplement during heat waves is NAC. Empty 1 capsule into a bowl of wet food. They can take their Time with finishing the wet food (even if it takes them up to 5 days). After they finish that 1st capsule, give them a 2nd one only if they're continuing to overheat. For example, if they're panting. Chances are, 1 or 2 capsules per heat wave session will be all that's needed. After giving them aloe vera juice and/or NAC powder, feel the top of their head between their ears with the inside of your wrist to confirm their body temperature went down. For the NAC, buy only the brands in the post below. The 2 brands listed at the bottom (in URL form) belong in the list of brands verified to contain only NAC with nothing else added.
    https://archive.4plebs.org/x/thread/34416176/#q34438941
    >List of approved NAC brands

    • 10 months ago
      Anonymous

      Other than that, try to forgive yourself, let go, and try to do better from that point forward. Cats are the most forgiving beings I'm aware of. They have the ability to read a human's mind, and thus know if something wasn't intentional. There's a possibility I ended the life of 5 cats unintentionally. If so, 4 of them still chose to visit me in afterlife dreams to say goodbye. For one in particular, I experienced 3 dreams with him. In the 1st dream, I was aboard a futuristic space craft. He was frantically checking each room (the doors were those automatic, 2 piece, sliding ones as seen on TV shows such as Star Trek; they were trapezoidal), looking for a meal. He was his usual emaciated self. He seemed to be starving. The hallway was mostly a glossy black with (possibly) some red that might've been the lighting. In the 2nd dream, we were both in a place that didn't seem to have anything around. Almost like a void of sorts. I went up to him and jammed a fireplace poker into his abdomen. And then after a few seconds or so, pulled it out. Once again, he was underweight.

    • 10 months ago
      Anonymous

      https://i.imgur.com/vkoRyIj.jpg

      Other than that, try to forgive yourself, let go, and try to do better from that point forward. Cats are the most forgiving beings I'm aware of. They have the ability to read a human's mind, and thus know if something wasn't intentional. There's a possibility I ended the life of 5 cats unintentionally. If so, 4 of them still chose to visit me in afterlife dreams to say goodbye. For one in particular, I experienced 3 dreams with him. In the 1st dream, I was aboard a futuristic space craft. He was frantically checking each room (the doors were those automatic, 2 piece, sliding ones as seen on TV shows such as Star Trek; they were trapezoidal), looking for a meal. He was his usual emaciated self. He seemed to be starving. The hallway was mostly a glossy black with (possibly) some red that might've been the lighting. In the 2nd dream, we were both in a place that didn't seem to have anything around. Almost like a void of sorts. I went up to him and jammed a fireplace poker into his abdomen. And then after a few seconds or so, pulled it out. Once again, he was underweight.

      In the 3rd dream, I was sitting in a chair inside a bedroom somewhere in a beautiful, serene part of the Northeast in the US. I was facing an open window that was pointing South. It was in the early to mid afternoon. There may've been a pleasant spring breeze flowing into the room. The Sun was perfect (and by extension, the weather). It was bright enough to engulf the room in a comfortable glow, yet not too bright to be overwhelming. He was lying down on top of my lap. This Time, he was at a normal weight. He looked healthy, and possibly younger. I recall petting him. I looked down upon him, and he looked up at me. He was purring. I could feel the reverberations emanating into my thighs. It's possible he was smiling at me with his eyes. I felt love and appreciation. After a few minutes or so, I either shifted into another dream, or woke up. Looking back in hindsight, while that 2nd dream came off as strange and nonsensible, it's possible I removed an Astral parasite that was causing his cancer. He was a Maine Coon. He looked similar to the one here.

  20. 10 months ago
    Anonymous

    Just reading this post makes me realize you are a deeply empathetic human with a kind soul. Do not worry too much anon, wherever she is, she still loves you 🙂

  21. 10 months ago
    Anonymous

    Thank you for your answers and posts. I have carefully read and mentally processed them all individually, and I am grateful to you anons for taking time and energy to give me your sincerity in my turmoil.

    Her name was Kitty, she was loving and patient, and I am not concerned about the dreams anymore, they are not as consequential as her. Thank you, anons.

  22. 10 months ago
    Anonymous

    When I had premonitory dreams, I wouldn't recognize them as such until the event had already come to pass, though they were never anything as major as this. thus, I cannot help you, other than to say that you shouldn't let it weigh on you that you didn't recognize the dreams, dreams are inherently obfuscated, and more for the mind itself than for you.
    That said, you won't forgive yourself in a day, but there's nothing to be done, hanging yourself from the neck in your head over and over again won't help anybody, and the little girlie would've hated to see you miserable. She's at absolute peace, waiting to see you again.
    As awful as it is, dumb shit happens and sometimes it kills. When I was young, we had a bulldog and a black lab, the bulldog was pretty smart but the lab was a moron. The bulldog knocked the cat food off of the dryer, and glutton lab stuck his head in the food bag, gorging himself. He couldn't get the bag off and asphyxiated with it over his head in the summer heat. Sometimes you're over fearful of a random jannie, sometimes you don't realize that the dog could kill itself with a cat food bag, one time I burned the house down throwing away a cigarette butt. Don't think about it when you don't have to, and remember that you won't be at your lowest forever.

  23. 10 months ago
    Anonymous

    I understand, to an extent, and posts about "forgiving yourself" and so forth are simply wrong. Some things are unforgivable and not things that you should ever expect or try to feel better about.

    One of my cats, who had been with me since I was a kid, something like 15 years, was very sick and obviously close to death. I had to go to work and I was worried about getting in trouble if I called in and told them I couldn't come. Just some shit retail job, completely unimportant. I left my cat resting in his favorite bed.

    I came home that night and as soon as I opened the door, he started desperately meowing. I came and sat down next to him and he forced himself to stand up, incredibly shaky and obviously barely holding himself up, and crawled into my lap. He sat in my lap for maybe a minute, then vomited all over the floor and died.

    He was waiting for me to come home, suffering who knows how much, just wanting to have me there when he died. And I could have stayed at home and been there for him and I didn't because I was worried about money or something else as stupid as that. I wasn't there for him when he needed me, even though I easily could have been, and I will never forgive myself for it. It's not something that deserves forgiveness. It's not something that I should ever feel better about. This happened close to 7 years ago and just typing this out has me close to tears. I think about it every so often, but it deeply hurts to think about. I will regret it until the day I die.

    Some things don't deserve forgiveness. All you can do is resolve to be better in the future, to use the pain from this to remind you to never let anything like it happen again. Expecting premonitions and signs to save you is foolish. If you are truly remorseful and want to learn from this event, then keep it constantly in the back of your mind to remind yourself to never again fail someone who is depending on you. Don't expect some outside influence to remind you.

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