I guess abandonment issues

i think the truth of love is that everyone who is on this site and has their story posted is f-ing scared of love. me too. i'm terrified of the pain that seems to always claim me when the people i love leave.

i've been in love three times, now four, but everytime, i get left behind. my friends say that i'm beautiful, smart, and fun. but i have the fear that i'm not worthy. i can't think i'm worth love, affection, or compliments because i feel so..unloved i guess. i'm scared everytime i see dylan, my current love. but when i'm with him i feel complete, infinite, and whole. i'm comfotable with him, i can laugh with him and we get along fantastically...but i can't show him or tell him how i really feel.

is it the rejection i seem to attract? my parents were imprisoned when i was 13 months so i never grew up with the whole family thing. i lived with my crazed grandmother who obsessed over actors and wouldn't put the effort into a relationship...then my brother, by a different dad, has only been in my life every once in a while because we live in different parts of the country. i love him dearly but he always seems to be leaving so soon and is always to busy for me...

i guess i have abandonment issues, but i want to feel the completion i have been feeling forever, with dylan. but how do i overcome this fear? how do i get over my pain? if you would like to talk e-mail me at [Ed. note: no personal information please]

i'd like to help others through what i know is the hardest thing in our lives.

thank you.

  1. 11 years ago

    I feel the same way you feel. I was abandoned by my dad and my mom was emotionally unavailable to be. I feel helpless at times. I really feel that this problem will never go away. I really want it to. I feel for you

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