Half of the time it feels like I'm just on autopilot, just doing the bare minimum not to perish.
But doing anything beyond household chores (which already feels like it is taking up 100% of my capacity), I start to struggle so badly I end up postponing it or giving up.
Even something as basic as reading seems to be too demanding of my brain. I can't seem to stay focused/interested in what I am reading, I frequently read things wrong, and gathering info from text has become such a task that I just stay away from long paragraphs.
Memory seems to be deteriorating as well, as even I -and people around me- have noticed that my memory has gotten worse. I forget important dates, I forget important details, how mechanics in a game work etc.
I'm in my mid twenties, I have had sleep studies, meds, CT-scans and a few other things - in the pursuit to find what is fucking me over. No definite cause has been found, and no treatment has really been effective. This shouldn't be happening to me.
I am fucking scared shitless that I'm gonna be losing the one thing I had going for me. Please help me out, /adv/.
I feel like my mind is seeping out, and I'm getting dumber and more useless by the day.
Every tried Adderall? If you repeat what you said to your psychiatrist, you could probably get it prescribed.
I don't live in the US, and where I'm from the prescription drugs (especially stimulants) take years to get prescribed.
Shit dude.
I'm in my mid twenties and started feeling like this as well. I know its cope AF to be like "I have ADHD", but my step mom took me to a therapist to get a Dx when I was younger because my dad being a military man didnt believe in it despite my elementary report cards saying "has trouble paying attention" every year and just thinks you can power through everything. I recently got myself help because I wanted to see if the grass is greener, and yeah, it fucking is. I have friends who don't have it and take Adderall and it fucks them up and their mental, but when I'm on it, I get shit done, I remember things, I stop procrastinating and start going through everything I have procrastinated. I feel like I excel at my job and have gotten a promotion after two months. My life changed. It took me years to get to this point but fuck it dude, magic pill works for me. I felt like i was cursed to be only aware enough to realize how retarded I am and I can't do anything about it, but something about Adderall gives me the ability to function like normal. I know it probably doesn't help much considering your situation but idk, I wouldn't have tried to get myself help if I hadn't read some other dudes stories.
Glad to hear you found a way out of the fog, so to speak.
Did anything else help? Like, did anything beside the medicine help you deal with it? I'd love to try some mechanisms to get a feel for what I might have - especially since there's a fair chance I might never get adderall myself, since it isn't a common treatment where I'm from.
>just become a junkie
Great advice.
Would love to get some more input from you guys
weed addict?
No drugs, not an alcoholic
That’s a problem if you haven’t unlocked your brain yet.
Explain, please
>I'm in my mid twenties
Are you just a NEET since high school or something?
I have worked between high school and my current studies (which I am currently failing)
OP, here is a massive tip: complex post traumatic stress. cPTSD. Please give it your full attention. It’s the precise name for your predicament, the dilemma of chronic depressive exhaustion mixed with brain fog and zero motivation or energy + living on autopilot + it never going away despite meds, sleep studies, CT scans, (it never shows up on a scan).
To put things more poetically—your soul has unfinished business. And it’s been left to crystallise into dead weight deep down inside, so heavy it became that your mind had to divorce itself from the weight of it. Dissociation, autopilot, living in your head and rotting, all of it is cPTSD.
Not op , but i have the same symptoms. Is it ever going to go away? Im not depressed but every living day is an immense challenge so my brain turns off to cope with the pain
>my brain turns off to cope with the pain
It can feel like turning off, but what’s actually happen is your brain refuses to turn off. It’s always ‘on’ 24/7. This is because things like cPTSD, they cause a hyper self awareness; constantly scanning for threats, problems, issues, faults, anything that could mean something ‘bad’ or ‘negative’. Whether it’s social humiliation, conflict, rejection, embarrassment, misunderstanding, abandonment, you name it, your mind is always looking for signs of it without you knowing it.
So to you, your brain is always ‘on’, you ‘live inside your head’, non-stop, almost like you are piloting a meat puppet from the confines of your skull while staring out into the world through a peephole, like life were some tired old picture show you observe from a distance—every day the same movie, every day feeling like the same day. Ruminating over the same thoughts the same anxieties, the same worries, the same shame, the same regrets. Your mind goes numb. This is why you feel it turning ‘off’, it’s from it going numb and withering, just like your legs would go numb and feel like they shut off from constantly walking, and walking, and walking, for over 1,000 miles non-stop.
>Is it ever going to go away?
Yes but the solution will require some explaining. And that explanation will seem like a sort of ‘anti-explanation’ that might sound confounding at first, but once realised, it can set you free.
So the it is more a case of being de-sensitised to the fear and the anxious/paranoid state - while still retaining behavioural components of it?
Would love for you to try explaining, should it not be too time-consuming.
>Yes but the solution will require some explaining. And that explanation will seem like a sort of ‘anti-explanation’ that might sound confounding at first, but once realised, it can set you free.
Then explain, fucker.
I can't find shit on my case of possible cPTSD because most of the damage was done during my teenage years, instead of the default child rape scenario that seems to be assumed whenever any articles are written on the topic.
Is it also true that the symptoms are a lot like ADHD?
Will I get cured of my cPTSD if I beat up my old friend? He was racist (as a meme XD) making race jokes all the time (as a meme XD) and I feel like as a black guy I need to defend the honor of my people. He seems to think we're still cool and he wants to hang out sometime and I want to lure him out and beat the shit out of him. Will I finally be free of my demons?
also he'd make jokes about his race too but I still don't feel it's justified. I want to hurt him.
There’s lots of moral reasons why you shouldn’t beat up your old friend. But those won’t be helpful, so let’s put morality aside just a moment. Let’s talk about efficiency.
It wouldn’t be efficient to beat on your old friend. Why? Because you would get a short term relief, but at the cost of prolonging the long term suffering in yourself. Think of it like this: You are on a road out of hell, its gates are closing slowly, you got a shot to get out. You are nearing the end and almost you are out, except you turn back to see an old enemy, so you stray the path to go deal out satisfaction in vengeance. You go and do it and it feels amazing, you are manic and it’s a rush. Then you turn back and you notice the gate out of hell closed while you were distracted.
The point of the story is: This guy took something from you, he took your respect and twisted it and played with it. By giving him more of your time and energy, you are giving him more than he deserves. Even a beating is giving him your time and energy. So why waste yourself on him?
>So why waste yourself on him?
Some people deserve violence
>Some people deserve violence
Maybe. But we can know one thing: You don’t deserve violence. Whether you are dealing violence or receiving violence, you’re still a participant of violence. And you deserve much better than that.
You explained it very succinctly. That is exactly what dissociation means, to be desensitised to fear and the anxious/paranoid state for so long it becomes ‘normal’, yet still suffering the behavioural components to it anyway, leaving you in the dilemma of feeling like life keeps slipping you by and you keep sinking and you don’t know why or how. This is where the issue becomes the greatest threat to your existence - it becomes a psychological sniper that’s invisible to you and keeps firing rounds into you and you can’t see where it’s coming from.
Sounds like repressed anger, more than anything.
How do I deal with repressed anger?
Therapy, probably
Sounds like me beating the shit out of him is all the therapy I need.
How many more years do I have to respond to my anger with all these copes like stoicism? I think beating the shit out of him will heal my inner teenager and I can finally move on in life.
I'm amazed he trusts me enough to still want to hang out with me. Some people are just delusional. I want to take advantage of that while I still have the chance.
It is usually said that violence degrades the wielder as much as the victim, if my memory serves me right.
And if you think risking jail time is your solution, then that should be a warning signal in itself.
I think a lot of people ruin their lives when their anger is given the controls. I hope you don't make that mistake.
>And if you think risking jail time is your solution
How would the cops even find out?
You don't think people would report them being physically abused, to the police?
He's an incel shut-in with no friends I highly doubt he has the balls to call the cops. And even then what proof would he have?
He probabaly has family that cares about him. And I doubt they'd look at his bruises and think "must be self-inflicted". And all it takes is that he scratches you or something, and he got your DNA under his fingernails - tying you to the crime.
And besides the risk of getting caught, I don't think you'd do yourself a favor, for reason I've already stated.
Lol I know where he lives I have my other homeboys who'd threaten his family if he calls the cops on me. He's going down.
I hope that you are joking about hurting someone who trusts you. I especially hope you're joking about hurting/threatening innocents. Not only are you breaking the law (which in its own is bad enough), you're hurting yourself - while dragging your friends into your own personal problems, from what I understand.
Make anger your friend is what I'd say. What I mean is, you'll have to separate anger from your actions. Anger is an important emotion, it has its uses and you should never shame yourself for anger. Anger probably got you out of a lot of shit way back in life. And your mind remembers this and that's why it keeps using it whenever something overwhelming hits you. This is fine - it's your response to stress. We all have a response 'type'. We call it the four F's. Fight/Flight/Freeze/Fawn. Some fight and get angry when responding to stress. Others take flight, they run away/avoid stressful issues. Others freeze, they will procrastinate and get 'stuck' doing nothing but stare into empty space. And others will fawn, they will sweet talk whoever is stressing them to keep them calm and to try to control other people's emotions.
Yours is the first F as in fight. That is who you are and it is nothing to hate yourself for. But what it does mean is you'd do well to realize it for what it is. It's a tool. One that you can use productively if you channel it productively. It's a hammer. You've been using it to club others like a weapon, but you've not realized its true potential to build and create a better life for you as a tool.
Your anger isn't the problem. Your responses to that anger is the obstacle you would want to improve.
Oh yeah, cPTSD and ADHD appear as the same symptoms but have different underlying mechanisms.
Stop larping as a psychyatrist homosexual
I had a similar phase, its better now, but not great again. Going to make advanced mri studies like datScan and sleep studies for narkolepsia in future. Tried to stop caffeine intake? Discord?
To measure brain activity and get a detailed image of the soft tissue?
Actually I have no idea, my medical referral? is pretty general, it doesnt ask for sth. specific.
What about discord?
not OP, I did some Pstd screening tests, but they fail because I cant feel fear anymore, so that avoidance component of the screening test failed and then the whole test.
>not OP, I did some Pstd screening tests, but they fail because I cant feel fear anymore, so that avoidance component of the screening test failed and then the whole test.
Try speaking to someone specialising in complex trauma, there’s a subtle yet massive difference between cPTSD vs PTSD. If cPTSD occurs very early in life and is unchallenged for long periods of time, even emotions like fear shrivel and die. At this stage is what people used to call sociopathy. But no clinician uses it as a diagnosable term anymore, and what’s more, “sociopathy” is notoriously misunderstood to this day. People automatically assume it means to be evil. It simply means they are more capable than most, but only because the fear barrier dissolved. It doesn’t mean they will be evil however. That much is an assumption society makes erroneously.
Just unistall tik tok, 2 weeks and you're gonna be fine.
Never really had it in the first place. I enjoyed lengthy stories, like books and games like mass effect - until I became a kind of husk.
I feel like im reading about myself lol also enjoyed ME game etc, but now i can't even focus on CS dm.
Im 23 in happy relationship, my bf understands me in 100%, but still somehow i feel completely detached from my persona, as if im becoming more and more stupid every day. Even though from 3 years i have been leaving 'dream life', we have even moved countries multiple times, doing everything on our own.
Last time i've visited psychiatrist i asked if im autistic, but the answer was "no".
I've tried different routines (no social media, waking up at 6, gym, yoga learning new stuff), but i have absolutely no energy and i don't feel really satisfied with things that i do, everything on autopilot. Even travelling which was my dream is like 'oh okay nice cave, nice views, good food'. There's no excitement.
Now i've decided that maybe i would feel fulfilled if i go to uni, but i feel like i would be bored after 1 year or smth.
Idk this cPTSD seem to be almost correct 'diagnose' if i think about my day what were my more hidden thoughts then i can catch some of them be very anxious like i was looking for any threats, but thought it's normal instinct of us animals?
Idk what to do anymore
Did you have a rough past?
I mean i wouldn't call it rough, but most people probably would?? I feel like i created my past by myself bc of my character but i was very apathetic about it and it wasn't copium. My mother had to go to therapy because she was mentally and sometimes physically abusive, but that was because i was creating all fights by being very nonchalant and provocative (tbh she was also mental especially for letting a kid to provoke her). Now i don't have contact with her after she moved out, she's emailing me but i don't feel the need to reply to her. My dad divorced with her when i was little and he should have done it sooner, but was always supporting me and i should have choose to stay with him, maybe i would be more "normal".
Until i was 18-19 i was quite active, i did a lot of things, i had hobbies, i was going out and suddenly i started to notice that day by day i started running on autopilot and dissociating
Did you feel like there was no escape?
No, I never felt oppressed or anything like that. I actually felt like I had control over everything, that's why I feel CPTSD is almost correct but not quite, the symptoms are the same, the cause may be different and I remember everything from my childhood, so there is no hidden trauma. Maybe I just have autism and a slight stress trauma after all these quarrels? But why would it manifest itself so late in moments when there is no stress factor, I have tried everything to feel that I am developing, experiencing new things, but my brain behaves as if it was losing capacity even before the age of 25
Do you consume a lot of media in general ? Or have a tendency to remember useless things ? If yes you should try some kind of information detox, like going on a long run with no music, or driving/riding long distances, activities like this require a lot of focus on the action itself, so your mind doesn't go flying away.
I guess I do. I listen to music fairly often, I play video games, I a type of summarized news, I watch videos from time to time. I have a tendency to remember a bunch of random things. Not necessarly useless things, just not selectively.
ADHD symptoms.
Even when it hasn't always been like that? From my understanding, ADHD presents in your youth - in contrast to schizophrenia, which presents in late teens to 20s.
Get a blood test, make sure you aren't deficient in anything. Cant hurt anyway
I have, and I'm not deficient in any proteins, vitamins or minerals.
have you tried workout? like really hard workout and lots of sex, maybe you are depressed and your body is trying to tell you that but you won't listen to it, im not attempting to give any professional advice here please do see pros for this
I don't work out that much. I'd love to, but I never seem to have time for it.