I don't deserve to girlmode..

Whenever I go into a clothing store and even think of shopping for feminine clothing. My brain reminds me not the same as actual wen and don't deserve to wear anything or try out some clothes. So I just leave the store empty handed.

When I consider trying to find a bra for my ugly small cone tits or even try buying feminine underwear I end up thinking about how I don't want to feel like some disgusting pervert harassing women to get my measurements

When I think of getting nails done or makeup I worry that I would burden someone with my ugly hands and that I'm too ugly for makeup anyways

When I consider finding a new name or trying out my preferred pronouns. I think who am I to try and force people to see me by a different name or gender

Voice training also seems like a hopeless thing to try

I'm 2 years on hrt and essentially too insecure and ashamed to let myself be seen as a woman and I don't know how to fix it all...

  1. 2 months ago
    Nona

    you deserve happiness. i’m sorry that you feel that you don’t deserve the basic right of dignity, but you do

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      I don't really see why I should be treated with any kind of respect when it's really my fault for being born with a fucked up brain and not being born a normal cis girl...

      It's also my fault for being a coward and boymoding for 2 years putting no effort into actually transitioning socially

      • 2 months ago
        Nona

        i boymoded for over a year before i even started trying to pass. some people take longer it’s just the way it is. we all have to build our confidence slowly. i didn’t even start going by my real name at work until like a month ago. don’t beat yourself up about the time it takes you. you’re strong for even making it this far.

        buy some clear fingernail polish. or just forego fingernail polish altogether, not every cis woman wears it.

  2. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    like other poster says you deserve happiness but it would be unwise to tell you to just ignore those thoughts, so what you could do, for example, is to go to a manicurist place, be very open about how you're trans and don't want to inconvinience anyone, and see if they're ok with giving you service.

    i think this approach could work for you cause you'd be projecting a very meek image, making it crystal clear you're not a predatory type of person.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Sephora is very accepting of trans people, they do makeup

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Sephora is very accepting of trans people, they do makeup

      I guess I don't really see a reason why anyone should be willing to accommodate me just because I'm trans and too afraid to openly present as myself. I'd probably come off as a fraud anyways...

      Most trans people have some form of the bare minimum like a name they like or someone they're out to. I don't even have that...

      Just 2 years of hrt with no one knowing

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        everything you say is relatable and im entering my 5th year of hrt in a few months and im in the same boat
        dont feel deserving
        dont pass
        feel like people just see me as a perv or menace when i just want nice things other girls have
        feel unworthy

        it doesnt get better unless you force it to
        the reality is that only the newest generation of extraordinarily lucky trans girls get to kinda just transition and have it work out
        the rest of us have to just accept that it might not always be perfect and take that leap of faith i guess

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          Idk Im starting to think I should just see myself as a man on hormones at this point. I don't see any reason why anyone should acknowledge how I feel about my gender identity and I'm not going to make people uncomfortable being an ugly abomination.

          If I ever reach a point of consistent male failing I'll just deny it l..I don't need the drama In my life...

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        are you even open to yourself? you're right, how could you expect people to accept you as a fem tranny if you can't even accept yourself as such by practicing on your own? the answer is not to give up, but to start working on yourself

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          I used to think I was when I started hrt.. but I made the mistake of falling into the cycle of self hate from being on this board very early into hrt and decided hiding and isolating myself was the best case for me because I started at 26....

          Now I feel like an invalid fraud compared to both passing and non passing trans women because unlike me they've at least taken some form of risks or effort to be themselves...

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            it sounds like you know what to do then. you're correct in being so anxious about people accepting you when you don't accept yourself. you shouldn't be concerned about other people's opinions yet, you need the foundation for that which is self acceptance.

            • 2 months ago
              Anonymous

              It's hard to even try to start trying to find a way to accept myself again.. especially when it's being made clear here in the US that a large group of people don't want us to exist...

              I don't even know where to start

  3. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    the answer is always very easy, kill yourself, homosexual.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      you first worthless retard
      it takes a special type of retarded societal invalid to tell other people to kys
      i hope whatever happens in your worthless waste of a life, you learn what consequences are and sit on your fat fuck broken knees begging in tears for forgiveness

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      I mean yeah I probably should at some point. I don't really add any value to the world and I'll probably only hurt the people I care about the most in the long run if they eventually find out I'm on hrt

  4. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    almost exact same feeling. I'm a repper not on hrt, but the idea of almost imposing myself upon others just seems one of the worst things I can do. especially since I'd never be able to pass.
    I'd essentially be asking them to see a grotesque, large man as a woman and treat me as one.
    how could I ever do this?

    but I hope for you its just insecurity and something you can work through, you already started hrt. good luck.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Idk anon it's hard to see a positive future right now where I'll be accepted and live as myself

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        well you did have the drive to actually start hrt. maybe you just need to set a single week to go all out for yourself. you can figure it out after that. but having it all done quickly so you don't really have the chance to rethink appointments and stuff.

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          Idk I could say fuck it and try during this fall semester...

  5. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Omg seek therapy
    Trust me, I get it, I used to feel the same way you do but you're being totally irrational. The world has changed so much over the last ten years, unless you live in a conservative shithole people nowadays either don't give a shit or actively try to be accepting and welcoming of trans people. Whereas it used to be social suicide to openly be accepting of lgbt people, it's now incredibly taboo to NOT be openly accepting of lgbt people. Quit being such a coward and start to dip your toes into girlmoding, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised about how little people actually care about you or what your wear or what you call yourself
    Tldr no one gives a shit wear the dress and get therapy for your brainworms

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      I'm not white so I doubt people around me will be as accepting.. and therapy will probably be a waste of time because I've never been an am very good at avoiding opening up about my problems....

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        How did I know you'd be full of reasons why whatever I said wouldn't work?
        This whole mindset of having an excuse for everything wrong in your life and having a reason not to do the things that will help you is exactly why you're in this rut. I hate to sound like a boomer but seriously, get off your ass and take some accountability for your life and where it's going. You're never going to get anywhere if you don't try and this thread is proof enough that you want things to change so just
        do it

    • 2 months ago
      Boi-period

      >Tldr no one gives a shit wear the dress and get therapy for your brainworms
      I give a shit and therapy works on the placebo effect.

      • 2 months ago
        Boi-period

        Also, I can't for the life of me remember the proper name for the effect where reasoning about a problem isn't decoupled from outcomes.

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          post hoc ergo propter hoc?

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            post dick homosexual

          • 2 months ago
            Boi-period

            No, not the fallacy. There's a much neglected class of problems where the act of thinking about them changes outcomes (usually because we live in stupid meat bodies and we can't assume that our thoughts are decoupled from the structure of the substrate those thoughts are implemented in). E.g. thinking about being depressed can make you more depressed.

            A purer example that isn't due to stress fucking up the brain would be stuff like Rokos Basalisk? Recursive/self referential memes basically

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          No, not the fallacy. There's a much neglected class of problems where the act of thinking about them changes outcomes (usually because we live in stupid meat bodies and we can't assume that our thoughts are decoupled from the structure of the substrate those thoughts are implemented in). E.g. thinking about being depressed can make you more depressed.

          A purer example that isn't due to stress fucking up the brain would be stuff like Rokos Basalisk? Recursive/self referential memes basically

          something like a self fulfilling prophecy? sounds interesting

          • 2 months ago
            Boi-period

            Ya, I'm not sure if I've ever heard a technical term for it? Not necessarily a self fulfilling prophecy, but a decision problem where the outcome isn't decoupled from the exploration of the problem space?

            Like, most things can be thought of as optimization problems where you want to find a state x that maximizes a function F(x). But there are problems where the outcome depends on F(x_n, G(x_n, x_n-1, x_n-2, ...)). So like, unless you're an oracle machine, you can't man informed inferences about its behaviour.

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