I am yours, philophobia

I'd never even heard of this word before today. it gives a tangible credence to this choking I feel.

I have been single and celibate for 9 years. And I have been happy in it. I've insulated my once lovely body with loads of blubber, b/c I feel safer and less vulnerable to prying eyes and unwanted sexual attention, and god forbid, PLEASE DO NOT ask me out!

I've recently met someone who pierced my heart, burst my bubble and gave me that feeling of faaaallllliinnnngggg..... and I HATE IT. I feel nervous, nauseous, sea sick, faint. ............... i don't even know what else to say ..........

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