how the FUCK do i tell my loyal, loving, committed gf that im no longer attracted to her and its making me miserable?
we got together a couple years back when i was in a worse place and i thought she was good for at the time, but long story short ive cleaned up my act, gotten athletic, lost a lot of weight, dropped most of my vices, and now i feel like my value is worth the kind of girls ive always eyeballed
my gf isnt that bad but she hates healthy good, hates exercise, hates going to the dentist (she desperately needs to) hates dressing up or wearing makeup, isnt very ambitious, etc. ive told her my concerns and she brushes them off because im not about to start an argument over them, but im unhappy and need her to understand that I think I'd be happier if focused more on her appearance, got braces, stopped drinking and vaping, etc.
Otherwise she's a wonderful and very loving gf, and I feel like she's kind of innocent and naive and thinks im gonna marry her, which makes this all hurt more
What do? How do I have this convo? Am I the bad guy for being shallow? Is it wrong for me to be as focused on looks as I am? I dont think wanting her to get braces is inexcusable
I'm in a similar position OP, but not quite as bad. I've been with my gf for 5 months now and she's really nice and we get along well, but I'm just not that attracted to her anymore. I know deep down that I'm with her because I don't think I could manage to get anyone else, but I'm still hesitant to break up with her. I know what I'm doing isn't healthy but I'm scared. I'm almost 30 and this is my first relationship since no women have ever liked me before.
take heed ladies, this is always what happens when you choose the "nice" virgin guy
Yup, he eventually realizes that he's too good for someone like you. The irony.
would be very surprised if this wasn't a samefag
At least the nice virgin guys stay with the girl for months or years before getting bored. Chads just ghost you the morning after.
Yeah they realize w*men are not worth it. Sexhavers know they aren't.
Did you really 100% get your act together if you cant even influence your gf? Your gonna get another girl that seems perfect but if she ever gets into some fucked up shit(like an addiction) you will never be able to be the person that gets her out of it.
Start making her worried about other women somehow,like having more of em as friends.
Then randomly start talking to her about working out,if shes worried enough she might listen.
Set aside some workout clothes for her,physically lift her up and tell her to get her ass dressed cuz you guys are going running.
Your gonna ditch her anyways right? So do whatever the fuck comes up your mind to get her motivated, if you really are more confident now you wont be afraid and wont give a fuck if she gets angry or if it puts a strain in your relationship etc, even more so if you already have friends that are girls around.
You also reminded me of a friend of mine,his girl started smoking vapes and his solution was to hide it from her, at the start he said he didnt take it,she bought another one and he just kept hiding em until she confronted him, he mixed being an asshole and saying she wont smoke anymore with being a funny goof.
Shes your girl, stop being a fag and act like it.
>making her feel threatened by other women to get her to exercise
>buy her workout clothes like a fucking creep (everyone knows women only want to wear shit they pick out themselves)
You’re a manipulative douchebag. Why not be upfront and say “I want you to get in shape otherwise I’m leaving”?
Nah, just gaslight her and give off homosexualy vibes with clothes like you wanna play dress up.
I didnt say buy her clothes you dumb fucking nagger.
And you should absolutely make her feel like shit about other women. Otherwise I agree that you could be upfront about it, but from what anon said hes already done that.
If you read the OP you would realize he's already told her in no uncertain terms to get her shit together and she refused. Being pushy about her changing her ways isn't manipulative, it's being assertive. When she picks up a tub of ice cream after he's already told her to lose weight she's asserting her choice, and he's tacitly approving by doing nothing back.
Giving an ultimatum is not how you influence anyone and THAT is manipulation. Only a moron with no life experience would think that solves anything. If you affect change in a person, you have to consistently give them the opportunity to decide. Most people end up in shit habits by not getting any pushback for them, so either she will unfuck her life up or leave and either way he wins.
>im not about to start an argument over them
maybe you should
First: never take relationship advice from LULZ. Not only are people here socially deprived and developmentally stunted, most of them are kissless hugless virgins who don't know anything about healthy relationships and think "redpills" reflect reality.
Second: let me give you some relationship advice. As you get older you'll realize that not being direct with one another not only doesn't spare anyone's feelings, it sets you up to both be miserable. You'll still carry these feelins whether you say them aloud or not. Eventually it will wear on you, and you'll begin subconsciously resenting her, or acting differently, and she'll know something is up. You could lie, but that only extends the problems. What you have encountered is a solid opportunity to learn about compromise. An essential ability for any long-term relationship, and a test of it. It is clear to you that your life goals and direction are beginning to diverge. You either need to work together to keep that divergence from pulling you apart, find a happy middle ground that you can work with, and make a compromise with one another, or accept that you're no longer compatible and split. You don't need to be mean or callous about it, just explain to her with the mindset of kindness and caring that you have some concerns that you need to talk about, let her know that your life has only improved since being together, and the progress you made makes you happy. Let her know that you are thinking long-term with her, and that you want her to join you on your journey of being healthy and happy, that you'd like to do it together, and you'll help her because you want her to have what you have. You can tell her that you're attracted to her, but you're concerned about her health and self-care, and if she is willing you can work on this together. Don't give ultimatums, at the end of the day you know what you're going to do, there's no sense in threatening her with it. If she's a big girl she'll hear you out. Just be kind.
Holy shit actually good advice on here, I almost don't believe it
Too mature for the average person here
>never take relationship advice from LULZ
>let me give you some relationship advice
You're a massive homosexual and you can kill yourself
Poster is trying to get you to build this relationship further. Follow this and you'll become over-invested with managing the relationship and miss the chance to find an easy relationship. Follow poster to end up with an unhealthy family that can easily kept with these ungodly tools, while you spend your days escaping them with alcohol and tv.
Either get a better gf or curse your kids to another round of this bullshit
I'm just telling the guy what he asked for. The OP made it sound like he wants to try to keep it going, so I gave some reasonable relationship advice that balances a way to keep it going while acknowledging that there's a point where it's not worth it. If he had asked "I don't like my fat naive snaggletoothed slampig anymore what do?" I would have told him to drop it, because that's what he clearly wanted but didn't accept. However it seems OP just wants to improve his slampig and upgrade her to a waifu in his image. Just giving the man what he asked for here.
Dump her and become sugar daddy to thai prostitute.
>Feels entitled that other people must change as well
She aint gonna change OP
Just break up, it's better for both of you
TFW OP gets single and gets burned because he’s not as hot as he thinks he is compare me to other guys and his ex upgrades to a hotter guy
I wish I could get a gf that hates dressing up and wearing make up. I hate people that drink regularly and smoke/vape though
Just talk it out with her. Don't be a fag.
Talking it out = gay. Thats having a relationship with words, while ignoring the hambeast next to you. There's a brand of marriage mostly built on words. Don't be a fag for words
Maybe he wants that gf of his to become healthy or else he wouldn't be so conflicted to post it here on 4cucks.org if doesn't see anything with her anymore, he should leave her.
The frog is actually not even the most disturbing part of that image. If I was there I’d get out immediately. Terrifying place. The presence of the frog only lessens the impact of the hideous staring soulless abominations. However with the frog there I’d really have to question if I’d gone completely nuts. But that would only be as a result of the situation, I believe the right answer is to walk away immediately and forget all about it.
there was a pretty good screencap on advice about subtly getting a woman to do stuff you want by doing it like a woman does, but i dont feel like finding it for you.
>my gf isnt that bad but she hates healthy good, hates exercise, hates going to the dentist (she desperately needs to) hates dressing up or wearing makeup, isnt very ambitious, etc. ive told her my concerns and she brushes them off because im not about to start an argument over them, but im unhappy and need her to understand that I think I'd be happier if focused more on her appearance, got braces, stopped drinking and vaping, etc.
leave her or the rest of your life with her will have been wasted.