How do you deal with feel extremely isolated and lonely?
I have tried to make friends but I never feel like I fit in nor do I feel that they care about me in any way.
I don't wanna hero as my dad already had a son do that and I don't wanna make him kill himself.
There are people that feel like that but they still make an effort to socialize anyways. If you have some sort of repeated social situation you'd probably feel a lot of dopamine by cracking a joke or asking a question to a familiar face to strike up conversation . Think about social rewards in the moment, not about "who cares about me" It sounds like you have emotional problems from childhood
I have tried to make an effort to be social for the last few years but it just doesn't seem to ever work out, I'm always left on the outside. And I do have a repeated social situation I can kinda go to as it happens every friday and saturday, in fact its happening right now. The thing is even if I do talk to them I feel extremely alone and as of right now my mental state is really fucked and I dont feel like I should join them due to it as I would ruin the fun. They don't deserve me shitting up everything due to how I am.
Pay attention to how they carry the conversation among themselves and try to imitate that. If they thought you were such a retarded burden you think you are you wouldn't be invited ever, right? Think about this logically. And relax.
You will not be 100% compatible with every person you meet in your life. If I were you I'd be expanding my social circle and see if I click more with other people too. Just don't abandon your current group while you are doing this.
It's not a group you need an invite to join really, I could show up when I like. As for expanding my circle I don't have an idea where to go from here, this is the group I used to move from a group that actively disliked new people. I'm kinda out of places to go that I can think of.
I don't plan to abandon my currentgroup yet though but I plan to stay away while my mental state is fucked.
that's kind of you anon
I'm in uni and when I go out smoking there is usually some new guy I don't really know if he looks approachable I say hi and carry on the conversation from there. There is also frequent social events here so I just randomly walk up to a group of people that don't seem terrible and ask if I can hang out with them, never heard no so far. Meeting people at bars is not really my thing though, especially girls. But for random hookups, nothing else comes close.
I am much too anxious to just go up to people though I'll keep it mind just in case I ever feel I do see people I can approach.
I'm never not anxious when I do that. But think about it from their perspective. What are they going to say? Eww you look weird, fuck off? That doesn't sound plausible does it? Being brave is not about not feeling anxious, it's about being anxious and doing what you want to do anyway.
I'll try my best to be brave, though I'm not sure how far I'll get.
I believe in you
What exactly do you think the problem is? Is it just a sense of melancholy and a feeling you don't fit in, or maybe social anxiety or not knowing what to say, or not sharing any common interests?
Can you give an example of an attempt you've made to socialize and tell us what you think went wrong with it?
I think it's a mix of not having common ground for a good portion of the people there and my own very negative self thinking. Frankly if my mental health isn't as bad as it is now, I can have good conversations with most people there.
I think it's not as bad as I believe it is probably. Though when I'm actively trying to socialize I always think of the worst case scenario for most people. I think I should probably work on myself before trying to socialize more.
I think you need to accept where you are now before you can move forward.
You're allowing your current situation to lower your self esteem.
It takes a lot of mental maturity, but you gotta look at yourself and all your faults and even though it hurts, accept that right now they're a part of who you are, and that might make you less capable and fulfilled than other people, but that's fine. There are a lot of people like you and me who find themselves on the ground and struggle to get back up.
You gotta give yourself time to get through it and forgive yourself when you fail. As long as you're doing the best you can, that's all that matters.
I do feel I know most of my faults pretty well with the most major one being the self-hatred. I kinda accept that's who I am though I gotta probably should try to plan a way to work around how I think.
I'll try to forgive myself for failing and I am trying my best but it just doesn't seem to be enough. Though I'll always try to give it another shot, I don't have much to lose I guess.
Everything that was supposed to launch me to the next level blew up on the launch pad. Going to 3 colleges for 3 different majors and each time something went wrong leaving me empty handed every single time
I asked out 1 girl a year, sometimes 2 every year I was in high school and college. Every single girl turned me down. The same problems that plagued me when I was 14 or 18 plague me at 30 and beyond.
Also I should say thank you for replying man
I don't ever feel lonely, probably cause I am a moron or because I am a piece of shit.
Being isolated though, I know that all too well. It seems like it is a world that I am not apart of or never will be apart of, like I am shut out from that world and no effort will ever bring me closer to it. I wouldn't know how to get better or deal with it, I try to keep it to myself
Where are you from anon?
Canada?
I don't see how it's relevant though.
If you were from my country was going to offer to be friends