How do I get my wife to trust me again after cheating on her?

How do I get my wife to trust me again after cheating on her? I want to rebuild what we've had because I can tell there's sparks burning even if she doesn't give in to getting back together. This is all on me. She tells me to move on and let her be happy on her own but it's breaking me in the most fricked up way. Am I still acting like a selfish scumbag if I don't wanna give up our love? She loves me I can tell, it's just that it's less because I hurt her so effin much.

It all goes back to trust. She says it can't be repaired but I refuse to believe it.

She means the world and I can't see myself going on without her. We've had the best 5 years ever and I hate myself for what I did.

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  1. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    sorry anon but it’s over. if you get back together there’s gonna be constant arguments and she’s gonna constantly be on edge that you’ll cheat on her again. is it impossible for it to work out? no but it is very very difficult and that fear and trauma will always be in the back of her mind. i would say to find someone else and actually change by not cheating on them. it really does cause trauma to be cheated on.

  2. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    look into couple therapy man if you really want to keep her, that's my advice anyways but if you two really love each other but there's some unresolved trauma its going to eat away at the both of you

  3. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    >She means the world and I can't see myself going on without her. We've had the best 5 years ever and I hate myself for what I did.
    She didn't even mean enough to you to not cheat on her, don't exaggerate so ridiculously, you manipulative piece of shit.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      This. It’s so easy not to cheat. If you loved her you never would have cheated. Let this be a lesson to you.

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        Pov you have never been in a relationship

        Op, I have been in the same situation.. incels don't understand how it feels to bed a woman - the raw suspense and the thrill of taboo. But you must understand, (if I'm reading the situation right) it was just sex wasn't it? Humans have feelings, and horniness is a especially strong one. Make her understand it was purely pleasure, and that you truly love everything about her. I've been through this before, and we're still together.

        Remember, time heals all wounds.

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          Time does not heal all wounds. Cheating is like a shadow in a relationship. It ruins everything that might seem normal. While in a relationship without cheating you can trust your partner to do anything as long as you don’t have debilitating trust issues. In a cheating relationship it isn’t like that at all. You’re always on edge wondering if the other is cheating. It isn’t natural to cheat and if you feel so good while cheating you probably hav some sort of fetish or other issue in your relationship that causes that. It is extremely easy not to cheat unless you have you’re own issues. It shows laziness and inability to actually try ina. Relationship. “Oh my wife doesn’t satisfy me anymore, I’ll just cheat” instead of actually trying to tell her that or trying to feel satisfied you give up for the easy option.

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            There is no such thing as a perfect relationship and the majority of all relationships have some sort of trial that shakes the faith of the relationship. This trial is what culls the weak.

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            A trial that OP failed, yes.

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            Cheating is only a problem when you're a man not worth keeping. Women want men that other women want to frick, cheaters by default are above average men. Cope with that for a second.

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          Keep coping loser, the "raw thrill" of being a manprostitute can be controlled...it's called respect for others and self-control.

          Being a slave to your coomer monkey brain doesn't make you special or wise, Anon

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            You have no ground to stand on calling anyone a coping loser.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      You're right. I only properly realised what an angel she is after I lost her. Like the immature moron that I am.

      sorry anon but it’s over. if you get back together there’s gonna be constant arguments and she’s gonna constantly be on edge that you’ll cheat on her again. is it impossible for it to work out? no but it is very very difficult and that fear and trauma will always be in the back of her mind. i would say to find someone else and actually change by not cheating on them. it really does cause trauma to be cheated on.

      I don't care if we argue briefly, I just want to make her happy again. But I fricked up. I really want to die over her but I just don't want to traumatise her and rob her of her smile. Especially if I can't make it up to her first. I loathe my existence without her, every moment has become agony.

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        >You're right. I only properly realised what an angel she is after I lost her. Like the immature moron that I am.
        You sound emotionally weak

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        Slow down. I understand the emotions - I've been there - but OTT like I'll die for you is a bit nauseating.

        Give her some space, go to therapy with her and promise to make small changes and recognise how it happened to eliminate it from happening again.

        It will take time.

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        https://i.imgur.com/eQANZCr.gif

        How do I get my wife to trust me again after cheating on her? I want to rebuild what we've had because I can tell there's sparks burning even if she doesn't give in to getting back together. This is all on me. She tells me to move on and let her be happy on her own but it's breaking me in the most fricked up way. Am I still acting like a selfish scumbag if I don't wanna give up our love? She loves me I can tell, it's just that it's less because I hurt her so effin much.

        It all goes back to trust. She says it can't be repaired but I refuse to believe it.

        She means the world and I can't see myself going on without her. We've had the best 5 years ever and I hate myself for what I did.

        Please tell me I can do something.

        So OP I'm gonna give you some real real advice but before I do that I want to note something: you're asking for advice but ignoring the direct words of the person you've cheated on. You already told us:
        >She says it can't be repaired
        >She tells me to move on and let her be happy on her own
        And yet you're here asking us as if we're her. We're not. She's directly told you what is going to happen, she's the one who's been cheated on, who's trust has been violated/broken, and very in-line with what's already happened you're too lost in your own self and not listening to what she's saying. The answers are literally right in front of you and you've made this thread searching for answers.

        Now beyond that onto the advice. I have been in a number of relationships and my last one was the only one where I considered cheating. I didn't do it, but I learned a lot about why people cheat. People can be really vitriolic to cheaters and not be helpful. Here are some things that are going on that you may genuinely not be aware of or have mentally circused yourself out of:
        >You don't respect your partner
        >You're not honest with your partner
        >You don't trust your partner
        >You have communication issues with your partner
        and
        >You have issues with control
        Cheating is basically people being too scared to be honest with their partners about their issues or thinking they can satisfy their needs without "rocking the boat". This is immediately indicative of a person who doesn't trust their partner to be honest about any issues with them, not vulnerable or brave enough to do that, maybe thinking "no harm no foul" but not realizing the whole point of a relationship is being in it together with someone, it's by choice that you two are together. Not only is cheating this deceptive behavior and masking your true feelings, but it's going a step further and actively manipulating the relationship and the person so they don't find out (if it's ongoing)

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          Some things are simply permanent bro, even if you get back together, it will never be the same. Meditate on your mistakes and failure and learn to live with it.

          You two might be right. I can't cage her, I want to see her effin happy. It's rending me apart though.

          How do I cope with the breakup? I've lost all happiness. I don't want to eat. I don't feel motivation for anything. When she's not around I cry for hours. It's getting unbearable.

          Feels like I'll never move on from this, especially because I blame myself for everything. I can't forgive myself. Waking up and crying, going to bed crying, it's just hell.

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            You can grow past it, but it's going to take time. Right now and for the next few months it's just going to be grief and sadness and loss, you have to rely on your support system and allow yourself to feel the feelings. You're also going to probably go through a divorce which is harrowing as an experience in and of itself. You will survive it, but don't think about remorse or all that now because that's dicey and more complicated. Just get through the loss stuff and grieving your relationship, don't worry about "oh what I should have done". Treat it like a death and do what you'd do then: support system, stuff you enjoy, habits.
            >Feels like I'll never move on from this,
            You will
            >especially because I blame myself for everything. I can't forgive myself.
            That's not really anything you should deal with right now because you just need to process the loss rather than get ahead of yourself and analyze what went wrong and all that.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      Meh, sometimes things happen. I love my wife to bits, but she does not satisfy me in bed, so I usually have a stable side girl for sex. Wife doesn't know, or if she does, she doesn't show. Other than sex, our life if borderline perfect. So there's a myriad of things for cheating, even if you love your partner More than anything

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        frick off

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          Be better in bed and the man won't cheat on you, it's that easy.

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            Why not just tell your wife? What is she not doing that she should do? How long have you been unsatisfied and how did you reach this point that you decided that this is sufficiently important that you should get it from somewhere else

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            I did. I am very sadistic and she doesn't want to be punched in the stomach during sex, do I found someone who's into that. It's rather easy, actually, I want to hurt my partner, really bad. Before it was just a fantasy, but the more I have vanilla sex, the more I needed to find an outlet for these fetishes. The first time I found a lover who's into that, it was accidental. I had night shifts with a very cute girl and we began chatting, then flirting, then talking dirty and talking kinks. One morning after a shift, we just fricked in a closet and it was the best sex I ever had. After that, i couldn't stop. There's nothing hotter than a girl with a busted lip begging you to slap her even harder.

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            Meanwhile women gaslight me that i don't get laid because my niceness just isn't ''genuine enough''
            Then guys like you cheating and beating women for sexual pleasure have women lining up because you're so ''just so genuine and confident''
            Jesus Christ

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            To be fair, my wife is all about niceness and genuine care. I do care for her, love her a lot and that's exactly why I cheat, instead of leaving. Everything else is perfect. We have great time together, on dates and just talking about shit for hours. She likes our sex and she is quite the home maker. If it wasn't for my fetishes, I'd never cheat on her. Ironically enough, the girls i frick on the side are far, far from wife material.

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            Somehow those women like your wife always end up with the pyschos anyways

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            then whyd you even marry her? im also a kinky bastard, but if i know i need something to be happy, i bring it up and we figure it out from there. would you get mad if she fricked someone else?

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            Did I stutter? I married her because I love her. The feelings are there, even if the sex life is not satisfactory. Her every other aspect is perfect. So I see it as a lesser of two evils and aside from fricking mentally I'll prostitutes on the side, i am attentive, romantic and in my wife's words, perfect.

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            being with you would only hurt her, most you can do is let her be and never contacting her again. you broke her trust, you hurt her in the worst way possible, any kiss, any kind action youd do for her would only leave her hurting, because its coming from a man who broke her.

            leave her alone, cherish the great memories you had with her, nothing can take those memories away from you theyll always be pretty.

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            She doesn't know about my side activities and she never will.

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            >and she never will.
            Said every guy who ever got caught for cheating.
            >But I'm different! I'm smart about it!
            Said every guy who ever got caught for cheating.

            The damage is done, and the longer you keep patting yourself on the back for delaying her inevitable realization of it, the more the damage will grow.
            Whether she realizes what you've broken 20 days from now or 20 years from now, once it finally hits her, you will have never seen a human being in that much indescribable mental pain and anguish, before or since.

            Think about it this way: You say you love her, truly love her, and that's the height of what you can possibly consider love, and you are still okay with lying to her every day, keeping secrets from her because you don't think she's smart enough to figure it out. And you say you love her? I mean, obviously you tell her you do, because you're used to lying to her, but do you actually even believe that? The mere fact that you are keeping this woman for yourself, preventing her from finding someone who actually understands how to love, is enough damage alone. You are fricking destroying her.

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            This is some dribble of someone who doesn't understand how shit works. You do understand that she's head over heels for me? If i just drop her for no reason, it'll be way more damaging than her finding out I've been chocking gal's blue on the side. I'm not an idiot, i know how to keep it on the down low and even if I get caught, I'm sure I'll talk my way out of it. The things we've built are way more important than me indulging in some fun from time to time.

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            Just tell her.... she deserve the truth. Would you like to be with such a liar ? I think no.

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            There is no benefit in telling her and it only ruins her life. Don't get caught and take it to the grave.

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            Benefit only for you then ;/
            and how it ruin her life ? She will build a new one without full of lair
            let her make a new life with someone who will really love her. Don't be egoistic.

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            Lol statistically no she won't, she will die alone if they divorced.

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            That is only your opinion. most of the ppl found in better relationships after divorced and If he really loved her he would never have done it..simple af

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            Women are completely delusional and will ruin their lives for a 1% chance.

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            The truth is you’re weak. Your wife doesn’t satisfy you sexually? Instead of talking it out or actually trying you cheat. It’s the dumbest thing anyone could do. Even if you are extremely kinky you could slowly introduce her to those things and show her why you like them. Instead you opt for some random girl to frick because your kinks aren’t satisfied. The solution to your issue is so simple yet you somehow make the worst decision anyways. You will get caught. You’re dumb to think you won’t, and you can’t talk yourself out of it. The only reason why you think your wife loves you enough to stay is because she doesn’t know you’re a piece of shit. It’s like saying ‘I know what it’s like to fall off of a building because I’ve jumped down a couple of stairs before’ she will most likely dump you and if she doesn’t she will be an inconsolable mess that won’t ever trust you again.

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            How can I be as Chad as you? How did you learn to be so dominant?

  4. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    My first bf cheated on me with my best friend. The truth is you can never trust that person again.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      Everyone knows adultery is more common in gay couples

  5. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    wow it's just so hard to not have sex with people that aren't your wife
    just let her go dude, stop being an butthole and give up half your shit

  6. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Please tell me I can do something.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      move on, be strong.

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        It doesn't feel right that I get to go on and she's there hurting. I'm a monster.

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          If you really love her, leave her. It's for the best. You fricked up. She will move on eventually. I'm sorry anon, you made a big mistake. If you think there's even a tiny chance she forgives you, then just ask her what you can do to fix this, if anything. Was the girl you cheated her with worth it, was she hotter than your wife at least?

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            I wanted to make her happy. She feels important, like "the" one. She'll never forgive me, it's too late and what I've done is permanent.

            You should hate yourself. The chances are there's nothing you can do. That said, if my wife cheated on me and wanted to make amends, I'd tell her to cut a finger off to prove she's serious.

            I am not joking, and I would actually accept that.

            I would do that in a heartbeat but she loves me and would never accept me hurting. She finds violence gross.

            Was the other pussy any good?

            Lets be real. What really upsets you is all that new dick she gets to take.

            It was disproportionate revenge for something she did that hurt me bad, I just saw the first person I met in response. I didn't care what they looked like it was my ego spiraling. The other girl was gross af tbh. I've never been more pathetic. Also my wife looks like a goddess. I'm a colossal dipshit.

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            >she did that hurt me bad
            and what was this?

            I wonder why you think she should forgive and forget when you didn't

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            Something too personal to share here. But I'm telling you what I did back was in the wrong, terrible vile escalation

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            Well have you forgiven her what she did?

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            Yes. She deserves the world and I won't hold anything against her.

            Slow down. I understand the emotions - I've been there - but OTT like I'll die for you is a bit nauseating.

            Give her some space, go to therapy with her and promise to make small changes and recognise how it happened to eliminate it from happening again.

            It will take time.

            Ya I'm definitely gonna get therapy with her I need her to know how I feel and I want to understand her more.

            So she cucked you in some way, flirted with a guy or something?

            No, nothing dishonest. Still though.

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            So she cucked you in some way, flirted with a guy or something?

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            Dang man the pussy wasn't even good? Jesus man at least have fricked some hot early 20 something with a tight ass and perky breasts. Ive known co workers and friends of friends that are hot as shit that I vibe really well with and it definitely crosses my mind what it would be like to frick them, but id never do it: however, at least I could cope and tell myself at least the girl was hot. Cheating with a b***h less attractive than your wife? Jesus dude.

  7. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    You should hate yourself. The chances are there's nothing you can do. That said, if my wife cheated on me and wanted to make amends, I'd tell her to cut a finger off to prove she's serious.

    I am not joking, and I would actually accept that.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      >That said, if my wife cheated on me and wanted to make amends, I'd tell her to cut a finger off to prove she's serious.
      Honestly a pretty good post. If my wife cheated on me and cut off a finger as some sacrifice for her fricking up then I'd probably be cool with it because I know she's truly sorry. However, id likely just cheat on her. Just because I forgive her doesn't mean I'd feel remorse for doing what she did to me.

  8. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    it's her choice, not yours, and chances are unless you're preforming extremely well in something she lacks (money, dick, or a desired feeling) then she can most likely get the same relationship without the dishonesty

  9. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Was the other pussy any good?

    Lets be real. What really upsets you is all that new dick she gets to take.

  10. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    How old are you and your wife and what did she do to make you mad

  11. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    >She tells me to move on and let her be happy on her own but it's breaking me in the most fricked up way.
    Well, you sure have it coming.
    >She loves me I can tell
    Of course she does, she wouldn't give a shit about you cheating if you didn't.

    Look, you're not an irredeemable human being, but this relationship is over, dead, buried, expired and thrown out.
    If by some chance she's so stupid that she takes you back the rest of your relationship will exist under the shadow of you cheating.
    >He's late, is he cheating?
    >Who's he exchanging messages with? is he cheating?
    >He started working out, is he cheating?
    >This guy is hitting on me, should I cheat on OP to get even?
    >Do I really want to marry someone I can't trust to not frick around?
    >Do I need to get tested? who knows where he shoved his dick.
    She will never truly trust you again, if she does take you back your relationship is going to be super dysfunctional.
    You fricked up, OP.

  12. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    You will never get her back. If you truly love her let her go and move on without you. People do better without those who have hurt them in their lives and clearly you hurt her. She may love you but she won’t for long.

  13. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Women care about emotional cheating, men care about physical cheating. Assure her that you care about her and only her emotionally. Trust heals with time but most girls will tolerate cheating if it's not emotional, but in the future make sure she doesn't find out otherwise you're just torturing her.

  14. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    >guys I love her
    >so I am going to torture the shit out of her and make her suffer by my mere presence
    Let her be happy and LEAVE moron.

  15. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    >Am I still acting like a selfish scumbag if I don't wanna give up our love?
    Yes.
    >muh she still loves me
    No, she's checking out. Checking out emotionally takes a few weeks but there's absolutely no way to come back from that. Try better in your next marriage.

  16. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    yehddh

  17. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Delusional

  18. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    >like a selfish scumbag if I don't wanna give up our love?
    you given up already,remember actions speak louder than words

  19. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Some things are simply permanent bro, even if you get back together, it will never be the same. Meditate on your mistakes and failure and learn to live with it.

  20. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    End the relationship and don't cheat next time, moron

  21. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Lol OP just doesn't wanna get divorced raped. Serves you right for getting married in this day and age.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      Guys are You all serious? He alredy destroyed her live at the moment he did that.

      Dont be a control loser and DON'T DECIDE HOW SHE SUPPO8TO LIVE !!! She is still young she can still find someone who will really love her. Think about it. What if it was You in her situation ? This is ugly, think about what you can bring on her HIV or another shit.
      So You dont want to get divorced? What about her ? Huh ? So she dont have any word to say ? What the frick is wrong with you ? Who you are to decide that she will be living in a lair? With the liar ? Your marriage doesn't exist. Think what is the marriage what You promised her when you were putting a ring on her finger. You can't promise her to be fair and dont cheat and you already broke this promise. She will know she will find out. But you want her to be suffer so you let her to find it out by herself. And this if frickin cruel... if you really love her.... frick.. no you dont you just want to see her suffering... if you tell her she will be grateful in a deep..
      Dont decide how she supposed to live.

  22. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    you should devorse her and have a nice day. you are the reason why women wont fricking marry men anymore you piece of garbage

  23. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    >How do I get my wife to trust me again after cheating on her?
    lol

  24. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Ya fricked up. She shouldn't take you back just as you shouldn't take her back of she cheated on you. You're probably disgusting for her to even be around at this point. I dont mean to make you feel worse, but this idea you're going to repair the trust you broke is a silly idea. Even if she forgave you, every single argument would boil down to the fact you cheated. My father in law cheated on his wife and my mother in law is still bitter about it 10×)+ yrs later and NEVER misses an opportunity to get a dig in. They stayed together simply due to her health. She's on his insurance and a frick ton of money goes to her condition but guess what? He pays for it all and she still treats him like dog shit. Move on and learn from this.

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