LULZ / LGBTQ

Good god I'm lonely

I'm so sick of being alone it feels so rotten. I don't have anyone that wants me, and I probably never will. I'm 22 and I've only ever even kissed someone once and it was lovely but now I know what I'm missing out on which sucks.

I just want a bf who I can talk with and kiss and do things with and who cares about me. But I look wierd and I'm trans and I hate myself and I don't just want a hookup so I guess that it's not in the cards for me. And that's shit it's a load of shit.

  1. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    people only care about you when you provide something in return
    there's a reason why in nature packs have to abandon those who are too weak to keep moving

    • 3 weeks ago
      Lorn

      I mean I like to think I can make myself worthwhile. Am I just useless because of how I was born? Does that mean I'll never fix it? What a cold world it is.

      Practice your dick sucking skills and you'll get a good bf.

      That kidna seems like putting the cart before the horse. Doesn't matter how good I am if I can never be intimate in the first place.

      There's a nice bf out there for you, promise.
      And don't worry about experiences you haven't had, all that virginity type stuff is nonsense.
      Get on some dating apps and be clear about your desires and expectations. You'll be sifting through the mud a ton, but there's always a gem somewhere.

      >there's a nice bf out there for you
      You seem really sweet and I don't want to be mean but this feels like such a huge cope. No one has wanted me and I don't see why that's gonna change

      Also, I did use a dating app for like a month, but it made me so miserable; I got like no matches and also whenever I looked at my own profile I felt so disgusting and inferior. Felt like it was going nowhere so I left.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >Am I just useless because of how I was born? Does that mean I'll never fix it?
        What do you bring to the table and what do you take from the table?
        If you provide resources, labor, knowledge, then you're well on your way.
        If you hope to vegetate next to another vegetating entity until the pain goes away... well, it won't go away.
        It can go away through other methods though.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Lorn

          I don't think I'd be useless. I don't want to be useless. I'm not financially dependent, and I am a good conversationalist. I cook well and engage in creative pursuits. I figure that my deficits, besides my body, are emotional neediness and pretty bad indecision.

          Idk why I'm talking so much about myself, sorry. Idk I thought I might be worthwhile but evidence indicates I'm not.

          How else do you make the pay go away?

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            if you do not feel you are worthwhile, then make yourself worthwhile.

            the pain goes away only through mastery of the self; meditation and exploring "enlightenment" for starters

            • 3 weeks ago
              Lorn

              I do *feel* I'm worthwhile, but evidently no one else does. What do I even do? I'm trying to fix my body but I feel like no matter what I'm going to do life and everyone is just going to pass me by.

              Also, sorry if I'm asking dumb questions, but what does it mean to master the self? Does it mean getting rid of the pain by just choosing not to feel?

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >I do *feel* I'm worthwhile, but evidently no one else does.
                in terms of "worthwhile" pretend your future prospect is a customer and you are the seller.
                What exactly are you selling? Feelings to be brushed aside in this case... since anyone can provide a lot of good feelings.
                Self-esteem needs to be separate from this evaluation

                the whole "love" concept sold through mk-ultra apparatuses is a disease mostly
                sincere love is selfless, no binding contracts. that's a trace of "enlightenment" for you.
                this is contrary to the nature [game] though. we are by nature selfish, there's nothing wrong with that.
                the selfless love I describe is... a benign viewing. absolutely no expectations

                to master the "self" is to have that impartial view. in a way, yes, by choosing not to feel lower vibration emotions.
                you find instead a feeling of deep peace.

              • 2 weeks ago
                Lorn

                Ugh, I don't disagree but God is viewing human relationships as transactional blackpilling.

                I think I get what you mean about selfless love, but wouldn't a love with no expectations also be one that could not be specific? For, if that love has no conditions to be met, then everyone is as valid a target for that love. I'm put to mind of a line from a poem, "the normal heart", by WH Auden:
                >It is true of the normal heart;
                >for the error bred in the bone
                >of each woman and each man
                >craves what it cannot have,
                >not universal love
                >but to be loved alone

              • 2 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Also not to be blunt but what does mastering the self offer that heroin doesn't lmao

                when you reach higher states, the whole concept of "needing" relationships to "feel good" will make you laugh, it'll feel absurd
                imagine a full day, everyday, where you do not need a relationship to feel complete, nor a drug.
                there are no more thoughts to make you feel bad either.

                the big distinction here is that heroin comes as its own transaction: you enjoy the high but suffer extraordinarily in its withdrawals: it's a balancing act across your "timeline"
                there is no free cheese.
                therein lies the futility of seeking "outside" of yourself instead of "within yourself"

                the poem and the lack of specificity you're describing is the trap of the romanticism.
                it's the essence of pride, and a striking delusion of the mind; a hope that, if we find some significant other, we somehow become significant. but it's more likely we become less significant and feel brutally crushed afterwards.
                if you want to look for evidence of this second experience, look at divorce courts or the suicidal tendencies in all thrill-seekers looking for that significant other to feel that open sore of their "heart"

              • 2 weeks ago
                Lorn

                Is it that much better to not have needs, than to have your needs met?

                Regarding the last paragraph, are you saying that romance itself is foolish, or just that too many people put too much stock in its ability to complete them?

              • 2 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                You can categorize most "needs" as things you invest in - an external object - which evokes the emotions you already contain.
                Imagine a charm that you hold tightly to get through the bazaar, since the mystic told you that holding it close will stop all pickpockets and altercations.
                So you hold tightly onto it as you go through each stall, molding itself to your hand until sweaty and cramped.
                You cannot really survey the stalls all too well for you are too concerned about losing your trinket the entire time!

                One day you really did lose the trinket.
                Maybe you misplaced it after the third street stand.
                Panic ensues as now pickpockets will come and so will much misfortune. So the mystic said!
                Yet as the night presses on... nothing happens.

                After easing yourself up, loosing your shoulders, you find yourself enjoying the bazaar even more.
                There was even a new stand of fried food to snag on the way out.

                You thought you needed the trinket, but it did not matter.
                The same could be said of "needs" you construct for yourself. All power rests within you, same with joy.

                Romance is only foolish if the end objective is to satiate these vague wispy thoughts that only give you more pain.
                It is only foolish if you believe it to be your salvation, when it's all the more likely your doom.
                So as you say, yes, people put too much stock into romance, as with all external things.

              • 2 weeks ago
                Lorn

                Hmmm, I think I see what you mean. But doesn't that render invalid seeking out things that you want? Like, before I suffer from the absence or something, I identify it as something that would add value to my life. That is to say, I wouldn't expect romance to save me entirely, but I seek it in order to save me from a lack of romance.

                I'm curious, also. No judgement, but do you support people transitioning? Do you think it would be preferable to solve gender issues by mastering their minds?

              • 2 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >But doesn't that render invalid seeking out things that you want?
                why desire if it comes with more pain than pleasure in majority of cases?
                It is up to your discretion what desires to discard and what to keep.
                >a lack of romance
                only by perceiving it as a lack does it become a lack
                by thinking it so one creates their own lack
                >do you support people transitioning?
                it depends on the [games] they're playing. what [game] do you want to play while you're alive?
                there are pros and cons in all things.
                In the hypothetical of a perfect transition that removes dysphoria, the thought-nagging still remains.
                If not about transitioning, new painful thoughts will arise. Not being "worthy" or not living "proper" or of your "relationships" and so on

                So one will always benefit a mastery of mind.
                Transitioning is another temporary bandage, as all things are, compared to "seeking within"

              • 2 weeks ago
                Lorn

                Also not to be blunt but what does mastering the self offer that heroin doesn't lmao

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        You're extremely young. I know some pretty cis women that didn't met their first BF until their late 20s or early 30s. Even if someone meet his true love at 45, it is worth. The thing here is that you have to feel a full complete person by your own. A partner is a complement, not a missing part of you

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          >Even if someone met his true love at 45
          >his true love
          >his
          Kek it's over

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            As a cisman and non english speaker I made a mistake lol

            • 3 weeks ago
              Lorn

              Lol no worries I understood what you meant.

              Get a BBL and suck dick like a good girl and you'll have men swooning to tap that ass

              Don't play with my feelings like that I'm still right that dicj sucking skill is only relevant if I can already get them on a date. BBL comment is taken jnto consideration lol.

              Also, straight tranners welcome on the chasergen Discord. Even if just to share these kinds of feelings and experiences. I promise it's not a creepy hellhole (mostly)

              https://discord.gg/Uh72ma6G

              I mean I appreciate the offer but what would I get from venting there instead of here? Plus I don't look very pretty so idk why you'd want me there.

              • 2 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >I mean I appreciate the offer but what would I get from venting there instead of here? Plus I don't look very pretty so idk why you'd want me there.
                Iunno, marginally less anonymity, even though you're a trip. Don't have to be pretty, and also you're probably pretty. Might be nice to have tranner friends with similar experiences, and some guys to tell you that they'd b happy to solve these problems for you if they weren't halfway across the world

              • 2 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Yes, the BBL surgery is to get a nice ass and just by having a nice thick ass you'll attract tonnes of men to use your boipussy. But it depends on what you look like now with HRT. I love trans girls

              • 2 weeks ago
                Lorn

                >tonnes of men to use your boipussy
                Ah, yes, exactly what I wanted. Many men using and discarding me.

                Also, I'm worried that even if I do everything to look good it won't be enough and then I'll really be upriver without a paddle.

              • 2 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >Ah, yes, exactly what I wanted. Many men using and discarding me.
                That's not what I meant. I just got horny typing that lol. Anyway, I still think a big part of being a girl is being sexually attractive & pleasing to men, as superficial as it sounds.

              • 2 weeks ago
                Lorn

                Lol sorry for being snippy, appreciate ur hormones. And, yea, I'm pretty much on the same page. I do really really want to be desirable; it's just so frustrating how far that is from me now.

                [log in to view media]

                Same, all I want is a bf but the boy I like only sees me as a friend ;_;

                Literally literally it's over for us sad lonely friend zoned tranny gang

              • 2 weeks ago
                Lorn

                >hormones
                I MEANT HORNINESS EEK

              • 2 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Well, I have no way of judging how you're doing without knowing how you look. But you seem like an interesting person with your head in the right place, I think. With enough time and surgeries you can certainly be very attractive. I'm not saying you need all that now to get a bf, not at all, but I believe everyone becomes happier by doing what they can to improve their appearance. And the truth is that if you're more into girls than guys like me, you have to look feminine. But estrogen should fix that

              • 2 weeks ago
                Lorn

                I'm mostly into guys. I've been on estrogen for more than 2 years already -_-

                But yea I'm very enthusiastically seeking out whatever surgeries I can get to look better, but god, ffs is so expensive. And it feels wierd to focus on my body, which I can kinda change through exercise, before my face. Thanks for the comment though, it's quite reassuring.

              • 2 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Indeed well It's hard to give tips without sounding crude or superficial. I think that if you aren't happy then no amount of money should stop you to look like you want to, whether through hormones or surgery. I don't feel the need to talk about personality because you seem like a cool person and not deranged or anything so I think that part is covered. But have faith and give it time and most of all, actually make the effort to try to find a good BF. There's a lot of fuck ups out there and even if you got all your surgeries, you will still run into shallow & shitty people. I think you can't really find a great guy without having gone through some people

              • 2 weeks ago
                Lorn

                >you seem like a cool person and not deranged or anything
                lmao thanks. I really do appreciate the comment. Just scared of. well, life I guess. Thanks anyway sorry I don't know what to say,

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >You seem really sweet and I don't want to be mean but this feels like such a huge cope. No one has wanted me and I don't see why that's gonna change

        ig a cope to an extent, but you just have to buy into it. Granted disclaimer I don't deal with also being trans. But for most of my life I felt similar. Was kinda "late" on some arbitrary intimacy experience type shit. Was self conscious about a lot of things about myself. And felt lonely and hopeless about finding connection. But I found something that was really special just by coincidence pretty much. Well, then that ended and now I'm in downbad mode again and it's really fucking hard some days. But I do at least know that getting out of that state is possible and I'm sure it is for you.

        How long have you been transitioning? When you say you "look weird," how much of that is just you hyper analyzing and doubting yourself? Even if most "un-optimal" answers to above, there's some guy out there who wants to be there for you and grow with you. But it doesn't help to try and improve your own self, and particularly within your mind.

        Which apps did you try? Maybe try OkCupid or Taimi. Might not sound appealing to you, but guys can specifically filter for trans women. Which means you'll sift through some chaser creeps, but there's also hopefully someone who is gonna know their shit and be more understanding and open.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Lorn

          Been transitioning for 2.25 years, hope to get FFS but it's not within my means rn. "Looks wierd" is probably 15% over analysjs but I've posted in passgens and hon threads before and the diagnosis isn't good. You could probably search the archive and judge for yourself. Also, I used tinder.

          I know it's being picky and stupid especially when I come here to whine but I feel wierd about finding someone who specifically wants a trans woman because it feels like I failed at transitioning. Which I guess I did anyway. Like I'd probably take it and I don't really care as long as the guy is sweet but I just wish so so so much that I was normal.

          Thanks for responding so thoughtfully

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I'm not smart enough to search the archive lol. But I'm sure you have some cute appeal about yourself, esp at over 2 years

            No, that's completely valid on your thoughts on guys looking for a trans woman. That's always a perspective I keep in mind. I don't think it has any reflection on "failing" transitioning though. Some guys are either particular or just very open, and if it's a genuinely healthy and positive relationship, I don't think there's harm. Again, I totally get your thoughts and not trying to push you in any direction or make it seem like settling. But you may find success with that kinda avenue, and if it works out in the end and you find that person who makes you feel wanted and not lonely, the path there doesn't much matter I guess

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Get a BBL and suck dick like a good girl and you'll have men swooning to tap that ass

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        [log in to view media]

        If you want a friend to talk about it and give advice I'd be happy to give you,

        Darknes's Scribe#9471

        I'm have some experience in dating apps and I can try helping you with other advices

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I have been wondering about this recently. What is the current way of seperating the weak from the strong? It's very vague and some people who are useless still take up space.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >t. Psychopath

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          If i was a psychopath, i would already know the answer and have no need to ask.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >What is the current way of separating the weak from the strong?
        Most of first world relationships and social groups and so on are so divorced from value-centric relationships.
        Most people are useless.

        POWER is the end all be all.
        For our current caste/serf state, money would be that "power" if you care to influence other serfs.
        power is better pulled from knowledge though.

  2. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Practice your dick sucking skills and you'll get a good bf.

  3. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    There's a nice bf out there for you, promise.
    And don't worry about experiences you haven't had, all that virginity type stuff is nonsense.
    Get on some dating apps and be clear about your desires and expectations. You'll be sifting through the mud a ton, but there's always a gem somewhere.

  4. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I unironically have lurked this board every day for years to try to get a LULZ transgirl gf. It will never happen.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Lorn

      Sorry anon. It sucks how hard it is to find love huh. 🙁

      Location?

      Life is long and has a lot to offer. Maybe now you feel alone, but don't desperate. Study/do anything you like. Practice your hobbies. Maybe in these contexts you could meet Friends/ potential BFs that have things in common with you. Don't surrender, there are always someone waiting for you, be patient, be kind and be yourself

      I do live my life and do hobbies and have friends and the world is beautiful but I'm still so lonely. I go to bed and wake each day with no one, and have for all my life. I feel like being patient and kind are meaningless because I'll just keep aging and rotting away as I miss more and more parts of normal life. I was a lonely kid and then a lonely high schooler and now I'm put of college never having done so much as go on one date.

      I'm sorry I'm so morose it's just never gotten better and I feel so so broken I hate it I hate this

      • 3 weeks ago
        Lorn

        Ah fuck I'm an idiot, forgot I couldn't do a flag emoji. I am Canadian.

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          GTA area? what do you look like?

          • 2 weeks ago
            Lorn

            Afraid not, BC. Also, do u want me to post pics or smth? There are already a few under my name in the archive.

            • 2 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              Post some pics I wanna see

              • 2 weeks ago
                Lorn

                Sure here ya go. Not sure why it relates to the conversation tho

              • 2 weeks ago
                Lorn

                [log in to view media]

                Ah fuck I'm dumb as shit forgot da picture

              • 2 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                You’re pretty attractive. I know it’s a billion times easier said than done, but lots of guys would be glad to date you. Just need to find the ones that don’t suck

              • 2 weeks ago
                Lorn

                Ugh, I appreciate the compliment. It just feels so bewildering trying to not be alone. My friends say I'm pretty, but I feel disgust when I see the mirror. I post on passgen and they say hon, but here I'm told I'm attractive. And all the while no one seeking my company, just me all on my lonesome.

                Cute af

                Thanks, wish more people thought like you lol

              • 2 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Cute af

              • 2 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                You look fine, but you're going to have to put effort into finding a man. No offense, but you aren't pretty enough that guys will be asking you out, so you'll have to make the first move. But like the other anon said, you could probably find someone if you tried.

  5. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Life is long and has a lot to offer. Maybe now you feel alone, but don't desperate. Study/do anything you like. Practice your hobbies. Maybe in these contexts you could meet Friends/ potential BFs that have things in common with you. Don't surrender, there are always someone waiting for you, be patient, be kind and be yourself

  6. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Location?

  7. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    22 is pretty young, you should go outside and enjoy life before you regret not doing so 10 yrs from now.

    Imagine wasting your youth sniveling online.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Lorn

      I do go out though! I play games with my friends and meet up with them and do things. I'm not only online. But I still miss so much and I don't know what to do. Please don't mock me I'm hurting and I don't even really comprehend why I'm like this.

      You're extremely young. I know some pretty cis women that didn't met their first BF until their late 20s or early 30s. Even if someone meet his true love at 45, it is worth. The thing here is that you have to feel a full complete person by your own. A partner is a complement, not a missing part of you

      That's so odd to me everyone I know has at least dated one person and I just never had that. And I don't think that having a bf will fix me but I don't think that people were meant to exist alone. Surely you recognize that people have needs that aren't met just by friends or alone?

      God, and 45. How awful to only find love after spending more than half your life alone. Only finding someone who loves you when your body is getting weaker and everyone you know is married with kids. Worth it? Yeah. But God that's so miserable, twice my lifetime of loneliness before a single person finds you worthwhile. Shit sucks I hate it so much why am I like this why

  8. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    30 years old tranny living in south america here. Never had a bf.

    OP you're still young and you live in a very decent country in which you most probably could find somebody who likes you and doesnt treat you like a prostitute or a gross kink to be ashamed of.
    You still have time to work on yourself both physically and mentally.
    Life can be hard but its never as bad as you think it is.

    if you want to chat about anything im always up to meet new people

    • 3 weeks ago
      Lorn

      I suppose. It's just very disheartening when I've never really had any signs that things *will* ever get better. I still look wierd, I'm still alone. Plus my mental health is still pretty shaky on its own. Sorry about being so difficult.

      If u wanna chat I can add u on discord if you like.

  9. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Also, straight tranners welcome on the chasergen Discord. Even if just to share these kinds of feelings and experiences. I promise it's not a creepy hellhole (mostly)

    https://discord.gg/Uh72ma6G

  10. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    get a dog
    -people like to pet dogs and that gives you a chance to talk to more people
    -will have to take dog outside so you actually leave your basement
    -soft and cuddly
    -loves you even if you're a serial killer

    • 2 weeks ago
      Lorn

      I'm more of a cat person and I do leave the basement and it's intimidating being responsible for another animal's life and a dog can't fulfill my social needs.

      >I mean I appreciate the offer but what would I get from venting there instead of here? Plus I don't look very pretty so idk why you'd want me there.
      Iunno, marginally less anonymity, even though you're a trip. Don't have to be pretty, and also you're probably pretty. Might be nice to have tranner friends with similar experiences, and some guys to tell you that they'd b happy to solve these problems for you if they weren't halfway across the world

      I suppose. Seems a bit like it's breaking kayfabe when the boys offering to date me are literally on the "we want to fuck trannies" discord lmao

  11. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >only ever kissed someone once
    Fakecel

    • 2 weeks ago
      Lorn

      What the fuck are you talking about. Are you saying I've done it more or that I've never done it.

  12. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    [log in to view media]

    Same, all I want is a bf but the boy I like only sees me as a friend ;_;

  13. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I can relate to you OP. 21 yo kissless virgin here, trans, never had anything romantic and friends are something I can't have either.

    i'd love to get a bf/gf but looking at myself in the mirror who's even gonna love and accept me for who i am? Yet alone, I'm so inexperienced, shits awkward

    I felt in love before with people, even online. I only ever admitted to one online friend I liked her, she knew, we stayed friends until few months for other reasons, I want her back, not because I love her but I miss our friendship and her.

    I hope things work out for you though. Unlike me, you deserve it.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Lorn

      I'm sorry anon. I absolutely understand what you're talking about with the difficulty of trying to find someone that loves and accepts you while you can't feel that way towards yourself. I do really hope that your fortunes change, as well; I highly, hoghly doubt that you deserve a lifetime of solitude.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >unlike me
      you deserve love too, we all do. I'm on the same inexperience boat and constantly think i'm unworthy of love, but that's not true. I constantly have to remind myself that i am, and reading other people's similar feelings reminds me of it. because if i think a random anon who i know nothing about is worthy of love, i've gotta be too

  14. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Come back Op :c

    • 2 weeks ago
      Lorn

      Eek I'm sorry! I was on call with some friends and then made dinner!

  15. 2 weeks ago
    pso2teagirl

    become wonderful and full of life and hope and positivity and brightness, you have to learn to shine the parts of you that you can, and that will help you be noticed by someone who needs that in their life

    don't settle for anything less than love that makes you feel alive <3

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