LULZ / LGBTQ

Figuring it out - Experienced Trans MtF please help

Same old thing all over again...
Forgive me if anything sounds transphobic, because that's not my intention.
>>TL;DR: I dont feel like I have the mentality for it, but I still feel like I want to do it, currently above anything else in this world.

So according to DSM 5 I feel like I check on every criteria about wanting to transition.
>>A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics
>>A strong desire to be rid of one’s primary and/or secondary sex characteristics because of a marked incongruence with one’s experienced/expressed gender
>>A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender
>>A strong desire to be of the other gender
>>A strong desire to be treated as the other gender

  1. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    All except for:
    >>A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender.
    I could somewhat agree with the feelings, but the reactions and the way I talk and even try to push myself to talk just doesn't feel like... like I'm good enough...
    Although I feel this about myself, I also think that many people might be feeling similar. Considering how they always come asking if they're trans and how hard they feel about it, but rarely do I hear about their actual mentality of it.

    As someone whos gonna be 30 in a few days (and felt this way since 14 I think, but repressed because of my own beliefs, not the usual church goer but something much more raw and brutal-tribal like - all always just to prove myself to ghosts'n'stuff), I feel like I'm prepared to risk everything, even being a hon and hide myself boymoding for the time being - even though I realized before that I would need lotsa surgeries I dont have money for, I recently got this confirmed from an asian guy from tedtalk (thats about 17mins long - can link if yall want) who said how surgeries are a cure for dysphoria. I dont fully believe it's a cure and whilst he somewhat confirmed it to me it would be better for me considering how I currently look. But it didnt change my opinion about it too much, in a way that would make me feel hopeless.

    So in the end:
    I think I have a slight idea of how women think, it's just hard to get on that level - just like voice training I suppose, youre very limited, at least in the beginning.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I have many motivations for this and I just dont see myself stop - but one IRL thing that I did was getting dolled up for masquerades and how that 1 guy almost thought until I opened my mouth.
      But the other thing I've heard slightly about is how MtFs said how HRT brought them mental changes like feeling more emotional, closer to people and the ability to talk and to talk and never stop talking.

      It all sounds so dreamy and after all these years after SUCH a long long time, I've looked under every nook and cranny, but I just can't find answers other than trying to do this myself.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I have many motivations for this and I just dont see myself stop - but one IRL thing that I did was getting dolled up for masquerades and how that 1 guy almost thought until I opened my mouth.
      But the other thing I've heard slightly about is how MtFs said how HRT brought them mental changes like feeling more emotional, closer to people and the ability to talk and to talk and never stop talking.

      It all sounds so dreamy and after all these years after SUCH a long long time, I've looked under every nook and cranny, but I just can't find answers other than trying to do this myself.

      I relate anon. Ultimately, people love citing "their intense conviction thst theyre a woman" as the core to transwomanhood. I despise that. Its a convenient pov because it basically affirms anyone wh deems themselves worthy of affirmation. In real life, identity is complicated, its okay to doubt yourself, and the insistence that there is some sort of internal experience of womanhood is ridiculous.

      I transitioned anyway and didnt regret it for a second. If you feel a desperate need to change your sex characteristics, do it. If you desperately want to change your name or pronouns or way you dress, do that too. You dont need to 1000% believe that you have a female soul or whatever

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        That helps, thank you~
        I understand what you mean, sorry for mentioning it but I felt like I needed to point it out.
        I mean I was just at a big event and was so envious of women being able to be so dolled up. Ill have to find a middle ground for clothes because I just wont look good... maybe for some clothes I could hide some parts with my long hair.

        I mostly hate how I'm called for physical help and told "ive no doubt you can do this, you are strong, cuz youre a man!" I dont mind helping with anything, its the latter that bothers me.

  2. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    ur a tranny harry

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Thanks Haggrid, your unconditional friendship will always be treasured<3

  3. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I feel like anyone that has to agonize over this question is probably not transgender but you are definitely still able to do it if you want

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I so hate hearing that, but maybe you are right? who knows.
      I know I could try but not sure whether I'd just be shooting myself in the foot.

      On the other hand tho, doesn't that contradict the DSM 5? Wouldn't be eating myself over that question make me more eligible for transition?

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        You wanna be YOU or be "transgender"? that's the right question!

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Good question.
          I feel and hope like HRT would help me find the girl inside me - well a woman now, considering the age I will soon be

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        What I mean is, there shouldn’t be so much doubt. Regardless if you don’t like the outcome you can just quit HRT later, most of the changes will disappear with weightloss

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          True
          I might take a long time after being on HRT to realize whether if its wrong or right, methinks.
          The only problem I see would be getting surgery to remove breasts if I would feel dysphoric.. but honestly I think I'd still keep em and tell people I have gynecomastia even though I feel wrong sayin that by abusing the word because people actually have that and get dysphoric about it.

          Unable to make kids is ok with me, because I dont think I have good genes for it, I think id rather adopt in that case

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      cant you be trans if youre neurotic and have lots of self doubts?

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        yeah bisexuals have very low iq's please be kind

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Nah I got scared of not actually knowing what the effects would be like 12 years ago, I finally decided to yolo and try it like 3 years ago and now I get to feel boobs everyday 10/10

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Oh my, youre sounding so free

  4. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    It litterally doesn't matter at all what label you are to the actions you are going to do apart from the action of labelling yourself to other people.

    You can still transition and not be dysphoric, you can take HRT and not be dysphoric, you can not like your body and not be dysphoric and you can change your name and ask for different pronouns and not be dysphoric.

    Labelling yourself can be helpful, but what's most helpful is just make changes that make you happier in your own body

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Thank you

      I dont have anyone who supports me, but I've told like 3 friends so far, my local trans community and some of the strangers ive met - there wasnt too much negativity or positivity.
      But I just really want to do this one thing for myself. I dont expect it to solve my life, I hope it wont become worse within me, but I do hope it would make things a tiny bit better.

  5. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    do you want the benifits of hrt?
    are the drawbacks worth it?
    if yes then pills

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I always answered yes to that question, but I can't tell what it would do to me in reality.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        good things, hopefully
        you're unlikely to be a mutant who reacts in an incredibly nonstandard way
        they're human hormones, after all.

  6. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Bump
    u
    m
    please help me further, youve all been so kind and good thus far

  7. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Bumping again

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      there's not much more to be said

      [deleted post]

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Thank you and for your opinion aswell
        Was wondering if hrtgen is still alive these days because I havent seen it for a while

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          it's sneaky and sometimes dead for a day or three
          if you can find the last one in the archives it really popped off
          went well past bump limit

  8. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Still, bumping 1 more time for hopes purposes

  9. 2 weeks ago
    Ayden

    >noooo I cant decide
    >30s
    Jfc

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      jfc - jesus f-in christ?
      I mean it's a big decision, not even living in america where I could get this done in 10 minutes and just sign the papers.
      In my country (EU) I'll have to make a case of myself as if I was going to the court

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        if it takes more than 3 months to get on hrt typically in your province or whatever, you should really diy while you wait

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          minimum 1-2 years and that's mostly because the visits to the therapist is like on every 3-6 months.

          Ill take your advice in consideration, thank you

      • 2 weeks ago
        Ayden

        Ok lets say your shithole is as backwards as mine and it can take 3 years to get hrt
        That'd mean you got on hrt at 21
        How the fuck are you able to waste around till your 30s

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Some people are self-contemplative before they make a massive, life-altering decision. Your 30s aren't that old. You may not be in the physical prime anymore but you have more than half your life left to live.

          I find the stuck-up attitude youngshits have about these things really annoying. There's nothing this person can do about not getting on HRT earlier so why rub it in?

          • 2 weeks ago
            Ayden

            You misinterpret my absolute bewilderment with stuck up ness
            I'm reacting the same way you'd react if a grown ass man walked up to informing you that the stove is seemingly hot when turned on

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I'd agree with this if it wasn't about a repper, like, spending a decade flip flopping is just a waste of your life. You rub it in so they stop repping.

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Oof!
          Because I was denying myself for sooo long, I hoped this was just a phase that every man has to go through - it was unheard of to be even gay in my city, let alone my home town.
          I was much more keen on survival instinct and preparing myself for when the people from deep south would come for a fight.
          I was living in fear back then and I was also of the thought that my wishes, hopes and dreams dont matter - what matters is lending a hand where its needed.
          Such primitive thinking, I know - I just wanted to prove that I can be of use and that I'm ready to sacrifice my very own sense of self.

          I will always be ashamed of how I wasted my youth - how I wish I'd known better, but in the end, dont we all

  10. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    [log in to view media]

    You will never be a complete man.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I'm... not sure where you meant to go with this?

  11. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    [log in to view media]

    Well then, thank you everyone for your insight, personal experience and advice.
    I suppose I'll check with my GD once I get my healthcare checked, other than that I'll go fish for advice on how to convince my therapist of my case.

    Hope y'all enjoy the rest of the pride month, farewell <3

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