Nothing sets off red flags on a date like being told you might be a sexist, racist, and misogynist. Lara Witt has written a feminist guide to remaining single.
Intended as a set of guidelines for “femme-identifying” women to filter out would-be bigots, Lara Witt’s article, first posted on Wear Your Voice and republished on Everyday Feminism, is a terrific resource for questions that intersectional feminists should ask on a first date.
“The following list of questions is applicable to all relationships — certainly not just cisgender, heterosexual ones,” writes the self-identified “queer femme of color,” who says her close relationships with her “accomplices” revolve around the “fight against white supremacy, queerphobia, and misogyny.”
Do you believe that Black Lives Matter?
Of course they do. Just as anyone else’s life matters. That said, Witt argues that any man you date must “decenter their whiteness (if they’re white)” and learn about social justice issues because ignorance of “white privilege” and “non-black privilege” are “non-negotiable.”
What are your thoughts on gender and sexual orientation?
Regurgitate Bill Nye’s laughable segment on the gender spectrum, or else.
“One out of many important elements to dismantling patriarchy is to abolish gender roles as well as the limited understanding that we have about sexuality and gender itself,” writes Witt, who argues that she wouldn’t want to be with anyone “queer phobic.”
Because surely, the reason anyone wants to get into a relationship isn’t to be with someone, but to fight the patriarchy.
How do you work to dismantle sexism and misogyny in your life?
If you aren’t yelling at biology professors, smashing Starbucks windows, attending Women’s Marches and strutting around at Slut Walks then you clearly aren’t doing enough.
Projecting her own bad experiences with men, Witt says that she’s met “cisgender heteronormative” men who “hate women.”
“They say they love women, but that love is conditional on not having their toxic masculinity questioned or threatened in any way,” says Witt. “And they love us as a monolith, they love what women have to offer, whether it is sex, food, love, care, emotional labor: they love us for what we can do for them, not because of who we are for ourselves. It is crucial for cishet men to learn how to decenter their male privilege in order for them to understand the multitudes of interpretations of femininity and womanhood.”
In other words, if you’re not willing to give up your job to a Latinx femme-identifying genderfluid woman with self-diagnosed mental illnesses, you’re part of the white supremacist cis-hetero patriarchy.
What are your thoughts on sex work?
“You may scratch your head at this one, but much like racism and misogynoir, being pro-sex worker is a necessary pillar of dismantling the patriarchy,” Witt argues, adding that men should “pass the mic” to sex workers instead of simply writing in support of them.
In stating as such, Witt betrays the fact that she only ever dates other writers. It’s doubtful that most men (or even women) care to discuss such issues, much less own a platform to “pass the mic” to anyone else.
Beyond that, numerous feminists (especially those of the Second Wave) consider sex work an oppressive, and not a liberating profession, which only serves to further demean women who don’t lease their bodies for the sexual gratification of their male clients.
It’s not slut shaming, but it’s certainly perceived as such by those who disingenuously defend the world’s oldest profession.
Are you a supporter of the BDS movement?
Taking a cue from Linda Sarsour, Witt argues that men must support the BDS, or “Boycott, Divest, Sanctions” movement against Israel. Ostensibly a movement for human rights, the BDS movement is a thinly-veiled form of anti-Semitism that denies the Jewish right to their homeland.
“Being pro-Palestine is not the same thing as being anti-Semitic,” argues Witt. “I shouldn’t even have to express that, but being pro-Palestine and BDS is a necessary part of intersectionality.”
That certainly isn’t the case when most pro-Palestinian activists yell anti-Semitic slogans urging Jews to “remember the Khaybar, the army of Muhammad is coming.” The slogan recalls an event dating to the seventh century when Jews were massacred by the thousands and exiled from what is now modern day Saudi Arabia.
What is your understanding of settler colonialism and indigenous rights?
Admitting that she was “raised in Switzerland,” the supremely privileged feminist writer says she had only a limited understanding of the issue until she did her “own research to really understand how settler colonialism works.”
She demands the men she dates to do the same—provided they crib their knowledge from the same resources she did.
Do you think capitalism is exploitative?
As opposed to communism, which forces every citizen into servitude to the state?
“Anti-capitalism, especially in the U.S., is imperative if you have an understanding of systemic racism, the prison industrial complex, the 13th Amendment, and exploitation,” says Witt, betraying her adherence to Cultural Marxism.
“Capitalism, for one, teaches us that we are only valuable if we produce capital,” she continues “That means that if you aren’t contributing to the system with your labor, your life means almost nothing.”
Under communism, you either work for the state, or you die. There’s no room for independent enterprise. As meat for the machine, those under communist rule receive no credit for their hard work, much less prestige for their genius.
Can any human be illegal?
A ridiculous question, to be certain. Committing crimes is illegal, but personhood can never be defined as “illegal.” Much like squatting and trespassing, illegal immigration is, for a fact, illegal.
“We live on a tiny planet, with land and water within a galaxy surrounded by a universe with an inconceivable number of other galaxies and planets,” says Witt. “Yet here we dictate where we are and who is allowed to be where we are. It’s mind-boggling that borders are even a thing, so to call people ‘aliens’ or ‘illegal immigrants’ is so inhumane and despicable.”
With limited resources on our planet and no way to get off this rock, we have to protect what precious little we have—even if it means not letting a homeless man live with us. Perhaps Witt could set a good example by inviting a family of illegal immigrants to live with her, and we’ll give her views ample consideration.
Do you support Muslim Americans and non-Muslim people from Islamic countries?
“I am not Muslim, so I will stay in my lane, but I cannot imagine for a second even claiming to be a feminist if I didn’t stand in solidarity with my Muslim friends and family — especially now, especially after 9/11.”
One might ask what feminism has to do with the religion, which in many Middle Eastern countries practices the subjugation of women, who are considered lesser than their male counterparts.
“I can’t think of any other religion which has been vilified and lied about more than Islam in a cultural and systemic way,” says Witt, who ignores the massive pogroms against Jews and Christians that remain ongoing in the Middle East.
Furthermore, homosexuality is punishable by death in 11 Muslim countries by law, and in many others by militias citing the Sharia. In several Western European countries, including Sweden and France, Muslim ghettoes are unofficially considered “no go zones” due to the presence of Sharia patrols.
“Don’t waste your time and energy on dating someone who thinks that Islam is inherently violent or misogynistic,” says Witt. “Instead, read some Huda Sha’arawi or Mona Eltahawy to educate yourself further on Muslim feminism.”
The writers whom she cites are a minority, whose views by no means represent the dominant beliefs espoused by immigrants from the Middle East. In the West Bank, massive celebrations broke out following the terrorist attack on September 11, 2001.
Does your allyship include disabled folks?
“If you have disabled family or friends, please make the effort to listen and learn about their lives and their experiences,” says Witt, who seems more than eager to virtue signal her friendships with people who struggle with disabilities, as if they’re trophies to remind her that she’s a good person.
With that, the article doubles as a guide to joyless feminists to pursue equally joyless men, and as a resume for Lara Witt’s virtue as a feminist.
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