Hey /t let's talk about it. How's the dysphoria? Is it kicking your ass, or have you found a way to cope? If nothing else feel free to just vent.
Hey /t let's talk about it. How's the dysphoria? Is it kicking your ass, or have you found a way to cope? If nothing else feel free to just vent.
i was looking on spotify podcasts and saw a lot of asmr videos of gender dysphoria comfort, mostly for ftms, of someone reassuring them. is that something people might be interested in here? i do some asmr and voice acting part time
sorry but the idea of a pooner curling up in bed and listening to an asmr assuring him he’s a big manly man is so fucking funny
Fucking lost it. Legendary banter.
make that but instead fuel my dysphoria so ill finally fucking end it
Do it, even if nobody is gonna admit it it will maybe help people :3 (me)
i'm not making asmr for a namefag.
I wanna give up but I don't even know what giving up would be.
Literally any mention of male or female is enough to send me into a dysphoric haze. If I see a woman, I'll take note that she looks like a woman, and then I'll take note that I don't. I've tried practicing make up, but I can't stare in the mirror long enough to do anything. Every part of my body seems extremely masculine, and uncomfortable. My hands, my arms, my shoulders, my legs, my feet, my chest, my face comes with the feeling of dread. I want to start tearing limbs off. I've tried killing myself several times over the years, but I've never been able to go through with it. As long as I look like a man I don't want to be seen. Every time I have to speak I want to vomit because it sounds so distinctly masculine. Any compliments on my appearance feels back handed, and just makes me angry. I want to stop, but instead it seems I'm cursed to live a long life rattled with dysphoria.
every single thing you said I can relate to
it hurts so much. I'm constantly reminded of how much I don't look like a woman. seeing a girl my age living her life and being happy makes me irrationally depressed because I'm reminded that I didn't get that life. this group of trans girl I'm loosely acquainted with but see often (all much shorter than me) all tell me that I pass or try to hugbox me into believing I look much better than I do. every time they "conpliment" me my resentment for them grows. they'll say stuff like "oh I was in your place at one point" when they all socially transitioned or started passing under like 1.5 years of hrt, while I'm beyond that and still look like a man. my bf turns to me and says stuff like "you really do look like a lesbian" cuz of my short hair, and that ruins my mood for the day. I've never malefailed, but they all assure me that I look like a lesbian, they just lie constantly to make me feel better and then never check in on how I'm doing when I'm not physically hanging out with them. even then, they clearly do it out of obligation because I'm a tall freak who will never pass. it's so painful and I'm tired of associating with people like them but I can't because they're my bf's friends and I couldn't leave my bf if I wanted to, it would ruin my life permanently.
I would give anything to pass, but that'd not in the cards for me at all. I'm just fucked. i wish more people understood that sometimes socially transitioning would be much worse than if I continued to boymode for the rest of my life.
>look at face
>feel manly, ugly, gross, nasty as fuck, want to put a paper bag on my head
>look at body
>square, fat, flat ass, only saving grace is flat chest
>go on hrt
>face is better, no longer absolutely hate it all the time, even look good sometimes
>body has curves, lost weight, ass actually has some shape, can wear more flattering clothes now
>now have A cups that i fucking despise, want flat chest back
I hate this shit man
I relate to you so much it's unreal. My desire to keep my flat chest makes me think that I just have peterpan syndrome sometimes
We're a minority of a minority, but yeah it's something alright. My current plan is to try and get keyhole before they grow any larger, but the clinic I'm trying to contact has just been silent after like, two contact forms. Might call later in the week to speak in person.
Honestly, shape aside, what annoys me the most is the pain. They're too fuckin' sensitive, it makes doing any sort of physical exercise like running or jogging or anything too damn hard, even just laying down wrong hurts. And I can't swim in public. Flat chest best chest, easily.
just wait until you have someone to play with em, they'll desensitize pretty quick
I've been in a relationship for over a year now, they didn't get any less sensitive 🙁
saaaaaaame my chest looks so fucking disgusting
maybe start wearing binders to curb chest growth
just get top surgery for your chest dummy. if poons can do it so can you. embrace being a mtft(ftfemboy)
hahahah the exact same thing happened to me, the only thing i liked about my body before was the flat chest.
if its any consolation i think a lot of cis women hate having boobs, they are pretty annoying most of the time.
Saw my profile today. Think I'll bludgeon myself with a hammer until my face is flat.
i wish i was born a girl so bad, ive missed out on so many things and by the time im able to girlmode i will only be half a women, god i wish i could be a mom so bad im tearing up, i hate my fucking body and my bones and that fucking disgusting thing between my legs this shit is awful
>god i wish i could be a mom so bad im tearing up,
yeah... this is easily the most visceral dysphoric feeling. it's so fucking shit
..my dysphoria is actually rlly. bad..
i had a mental breakdown like a bit ago… .and i cut so much of my hair off..
which lead miii to quit my job..
i don’t think i will evr be able to get. a normal job again…
…its not so bad tho..
.cutting my hair help miii somehow helped miii learn about my style more
like i got some cool wigs…
..retail therapy is the only thing that’s helping miii…
..i still live w/ my parents so i’m forced to boymode.
If you have dysphoria reading anything in this thread is the worst thing you can do.
the dysphoria isn't too bad rn, just kinda baseline stuff mostly feeling shit about my height and also just you know never being a real cis woman. i feel like I'm distracted rn cuz I'm stressed out trying to get HRT in Ireland
it's impossible. i don't really know what to do. everyone's like you need to put more effort in but like... what?
I'm pretty evenly split 50/50 in the dysphoria department (maybe 60% euphoric, 30% dysphoric, 10% indifferent) 6 years hrt and other treatments have sure showed some effect. I have the confidence to go out in girl-mode, except when it comes to showing my legs in skirts and such. Don't get me wrong, they are pretty, but I feel like a degenerate doing so, maybe when I wear leggings or something.
i was never expecting to get this far. now i'm well transitioned on the physical side of things but will mentally scald myself for ever thinking of myself as a woman and i have a mans voice. and honestly it'll probably stay that way forever because i feel so much shame socially transitioning because i'm not metaphysically a woman whatever that means
i dont look like a woman mind you just a lot less man-ish
same anon as
I also didn't expect to come such a long way, I thought I was doomed for starting in my early 20s but the right hrt as well as psychotropic medication seems to save my ass. Same with the constant self-doubting/impostor syndrome. I would never admit to anyone I'm amab when out girl-moding, Just because I don't wanna feed their confirmatio bias.
ive never girlmoded and i make sure everyone knows im just a male on hrt who prefers female socialization so other ppl arent discomforted bhy me. bless u though anon i hope u claw ur way out of this absurd pit
it's really not healthy for other people to not question their discomfort, and although exposure therapy doesn't heal phobias putting the blame on you for things that aren't in your control gushes of bigotry, you legit need someone to gently nudge you out of your comfort zone, if you are too uncomfortable already, see a psychiatrist and get on happy pills, anxiety, loneliness and self-isolation behavior are linked to high rates of depression
being on pills would make me not me srry. im trying to push myself out of my comfort zone myself ty its just all so gay. the amount of neuroticism and obsession generated just by not being socially a woman meanwhile 50% of earth does it without thinking abt it and so do a lot of trannies . i guess thats why im on LULZ lol
Pills just jumpstart your inner reward system, they don't temper with your personality. Sometimes you have to admit that trying to overcome the odds we are given by sheer willpower is too unrealistic or straight up not worth it. A waste of energy, meds make it easier trust me, it's not cheating. Consult a psychiatrist, I was at your point once, I am envious still, but I have found people that UNDERSTAND my envy. You sound like you need a health practitioner and a support network.
where the hell do u get a support network
local lgbt meetups in your (surrounding) area, best done with your contemporaries. You'll get to see how normal and beautiful boy/girls your age generally are, actually feel understood, get help for your mental health/personal endeavors etc. , I gtg I hope you took some of my advice to heart.
phobes will be cured or die out eventually if we quarantine them by constructively urging them to seek help or by spreading awareness about their condition. Hatred can be treated, stupidity less so.
I look good finally but I have genital dysphoria. I know srs would never cure it so idk why I even bother continuing. I have no friends and I’m married but it feels like I’m the only one putting anything in anymore. I’m so sad because I hit the lottery on my transition as far as looks and classiness, but like, no one appreciates it. I’m just shut in alone.
Im 5 months hrt and i had almost zero breast growth. All my friends have b cups at 3 month, and mine have stop growing since moht three and the breast bud inside disapeared and they dont hurt anymore
Kill me, i will never have a female normal chest
lurk moar or go back, newfag.
Makes me reconsider roping every now and then
I have a very close friend who's recently opened up to me about his dysphoria. Based off what I've heard, he may be genderfluid, as his desire to be one gender or the other fluctuates. I think he wants to keep it between us/closed off for now, but I'm still wondering what the best way to support him would be?
My dysphoria is a fucking rollercoaster. One day my face is clear of hair and I actually notice some other positive changes. The next day i’m crying over every single way male puberty destroyed things I cannot change. LHR is the fucking worst and is taking forever. I’ve been at it consistently for 5 months with laser and electro and it’s comes back every fucking time. Hairline is fucked as well. Started minoxidil and I feel like it’s growing my beard back as well. Voice makes me dysphoric as fuck buy training is like inching towards progress. I’m just tired of it all honesty. Cannot wait to at least have no shadow and tits that don’t look like a 13 year olds.
sounds like you are dissociating, senpai. Fazing out the good traits in favor of the bad ones is (pathological) dissociation. Mood stabilizers and quite possibly antidepressants help in that regard. Do not skip an evening of Minoxidil and hair loss will come to a halt in a month or two, just keep going, lovely, you got this
I wrote senpai, not senpai.. is my schizophrenia showing?
I think you’re right and I think thc was making it worse. I’ve been super insecure most days. It’s been about 4 days since i’ve smoked and i’m riding out the withdrawal rn. I really do want to talk to a psychiatrist but i’m uninsured and spending what I can on hrt and lhr. Thank you 🙂
i quit smoking weed too and my dysphoria is so much worse now
Sorry to but in on a thread full of suffering, but what would you consider the line to be between just wanting to be the opposite sex and having dysphoria, or at least something similar to it.
If you want to be the opposite sex for social benefits or a fetish (you only feel it when you’re horny) then it’s not dysphoria
I agree on the case of incels to mtf and MEF, but AGP definitely manifests into dysphoria at some point in life if not treated
But if it’s not actual agp you probably feel it most of the time
I'm about a years hrt and a youngshit but everyone still sees me as a man and cis women make me do physical labor even tho they are much stronger than me so I can fulfil their agp fantasies
my parents hate me so I go to Grindr to get the love that they never gave me and guess what the only thing people want me for is my non functioning dick
Horrible. I haven't been doing any voice training, and I keep pushing the line for when I'm gonna stop boymoding. At first it was "when I have a passable voice" then "after I finish electro" and now it's "when I have FFS". Well I have FFS in less than a year...
This whole situation has sucked, and would've been great if I had friends that weren't weird about it. Instead I'm literally just hanging around and focusing on everything I dislike about myself, and like I'm thinking of getting a clavicle reduction + rib removal in between now and FFS. And like at what point is this extreme?
Having the same considerations about surgery as you. It's not extreme, legit do what makes you more happy/whole/you-name-it. You are too far out of your comfort zone already because you keep focusing on your negative traits, so naturally you wouldn't make it harder for yourself by amplifying the negative (contrasting) traits through girl-moding. You need antidepressants and possibly a therapy plan to have someone unbrainworm you
I need some help making sense of my thoughts.
I have wanted to be a girl since very early childhood. However, I don't think I have dysphoria, or if I do, it's not very strong.
Maybe this is just autistic obsession? I'm not depressed about it, but I do fit the majority of the criteria to be diagnosed with dysphoria (more than 2).
Maybe it's because I never go outside. Outside has many triggers. I retreat to my computer where I F5 this board for half the day.
I feel so detached from reality now.
really bad hairline dysphoria. I hate having started at 24. It was almost too late
i wish i could talk to women and have them not scoot away from me or treat me like i have the plague and i wish i could be treated like a human instead of some alien from another planet
Keep having random periods of very bad genital dysphoria and all around dysphoria being a constant
no way to cope with most of it
its been seriously kicking my ass the past few weeks
going to work or seeing friends is genuinely painful, usually because im just treated unequivocally as a guy
I wish I had the confidence to just present more feminine but I can’t stand my face and height. I like reflexively fidget to hide my face whenever im around other people because my features disgust me so much
In general, I'm doing great since I haven't had chest dysphoria in ages. I'm sorta struggling with dysphoria about how wide my hips are, my butt, thighs, etc, but it's not as bad as having breasts was so I'm confident I can manage it without medical intervention. Losing weight has been helping a bit, I think. Gonna maybe look into different pants cuts.
I just wanna avoid going on t because the thought of looking masculine instead of feminine leaning androgynous makes me gag.
pretty much anyone i talk to tells me that i pass, or that they dont even know im trans, but i cant see it and it drives me crazy. like what are they seeing that im not? when i look at my face and body, i see at most someone andro, but never really a woman. the only times i do see a woman in the mirror is when im inebriated. it's rare, and it's very fleeting. why??
I've had awful leg cramps for the past month, I couldn't even stand up for about a week because I felt like someone shoved a knife inside me, which made me feel like a teenage girl getting her period, I got really sick yesterday and couldn't stomach anything to the point where I was throwing up jello and suero. overall 1/10 experience, I've become detached from my body and usually can't recognize it as mine; ie i feel like I'm staring at a stranger whenever I shower, I see my mom in the mirror when I wear fitting clothing, but because I've been sick I'm forced to see my female form as me. When I went to walmart with my mom for medicine, I accidentally caught a glimpse at myself on the self checkout cameras and freaked out for a hot minute because I saw a woman and her poor little sick teenage daughter who probably has pms
tldr; I've become very aware of my biology and i feel like a pile of female goop- grotesquely feminine
t. closet ftm
I took HRT for almost a year, in that time I felt better about my face for the first time in years, and I liked the feminine fat changes on my ass and thighs and hips and the skin benefits.
However the boobs give me dysphoria, so I quit, now I'm facing all the remasculinisation on top of still having boobs, I feel so fucking awful and I can hardly do anything except rot as it slowly gets worse until I no longer recognise myself again. I dont know what to do because HRT will make me feel bad.
The dysphoria is better than it used to be, thanks to having started laser and HRT...
Slowly getting boobs, and most of my beard shadow is gone. Still wanna fucking cut my face off when I look in a mirror, and I hate the way my body is shaped.
So all in all dunno. I just wanna be pretty and cute and loved. I'm so tired of being a man socially, I'm not doing a good job of it.
Bad my mental health right now is sitting at an all time low. I've been out for a few months now, hrt much longer, but I'm just so totally consumed by this pit of disgust over my own body the fear of trying and not passing is preventing me from doing honestly anything right now. I just wanna sleep
does anyone else feel great shame for how utterly repressed and resentful they were growing up? I had no idea who I was, what I was really living for, around others I was miserable, dissociated, and lost -- and at home I was entranced in video-games, wanting to escape my body. I thought trans people were disgusting and was repulsed by femininity, because it was squashed out of me from a very young age. I could not stand any sexual outlet outside of gender-bending, and themes of waking up in the opposite sex's body. I have no sexual desire in that regard ever since I discovered myself, but it's only been replaced with deep sorrow as I cope as a gay male. Did anyone else play skyrim with fetish-y mods and playing as a woman? I had such a weird relationship with my sexuality, it's much healthier now but I still wonder if my brain was malformed during pubertal development because of these fixations. I'm certain there were signs beforehand, but they found a way to bury themselves in subtle expressions.