Help me understand, why the asshole of my group is being the most liked.
Guy in our little circle, has nothing to say most of the time but demoralising shit, and belittling comments of our achievements.
And still, everyone flocks to him and be the most popular. He isnt good looking so no halo effect here.
Tried to think about, maybe there is something i dont see, maybe he contributes in any way to our little circle or help out in any way, but no. Maybe i harbor some hostility for some reason and i do not see his real values so i did a self check and still i can still see nothing worth mentioning.
He is confident and has banter. Just banter back and try not to be bitter
I understand but is that all why he is he in the center ?
I mean that people flock to him in the group and shit. I simply cant understand why.
>belittling people
The reason people flock to this behavior is because of mistakes people make when judging other people. In case, belittling people creates "fake value" for his approval - people who are needy and not loved well by a member of their family often seek out approval from others. That approval seeking is then magnified by a person who openly belittles you.
>Freedom
One of the best social currencies is "freedom." If a person is belittling you or others in public, it demonstrates that person is willing to be disagreeable in public. People often misinterpret this "freedom" as a positive thing.
So basically you and your friend group are immature, young, and human. That's all. You're immature and young for continuing to be part of this guy's friend group when it's bothering you so much.
My solution? make fun of him mercilessly and endlessly every time you see him but be super nice to everyone else. When people ask you why you're doing that, just tell them he acts like an asshole so you thought he would want to be treated like asshole too. Then keep treating him like a little bitch.
Thank you for your input! I will think it through.
By the way just in theory, what would a mature person do in this situation ?(if we do not consider the option of leaving)
The age ranges from 25-30 tho.
>By the way just in theory, what would a mature person do in this situation ?(if we do not consider the option of leaving)
This is actually one of the main things that paints your group as "immature." It's not "immature" in a derogatory sense, it's more of a practical "you guys are inexperienced" way because the experienced among us understand small but powerful:
>It's not worth it.
It's really just not worth it. Chances are very high your friends are replaceable and have large human flaws, like endless neediness or putting up with nonsense just so they can feel like they "belong"... shit like that. The "asshole" in the group is usually so fucked up himself or herself that the sheer volume and time required to deal with the behavior and possibly change it to something more adult is just too much. They're too fucked up and they don't want to change anyway. So the whole situation just isn't worth it for a laundry list of reasons.
So unless this friend group has your nuts locked away in a safe somewhere and are holding you hostage, you absolutely can just walk away at any time for any reason that you feel like.
>Mature Person
If I had to stay, I would probably sit down with the asshole and tell him he can do that with everyone else but that you're tired of his shit and to leave me alone. No ultimatum just a request. And when he didn't leave me alone, i would mercilessly go after him until he "beat" me (in which case I would use it to practice and adapt) or I was so fucking mean to him all the time that he cracked. And then I would publicly tell him what I told him in private - he can do whatever he wants with other people, that's between him and them, but to stfu around you. But then you have to deal with his hurt ego and him undermining you later and blah blah blah. Fortunately I enjoy being a raging asshole to people I don't like so if I don't leave, I go full asshole until they crack and I enjoy every minute of it.
Your mileage may vary.
Thank you again, i kinda do agree with this point of view.
So far the comments in this thread gave me existential crisis. It really feels like that i have to change my viewpoint of people.
Seems kinda fucked. Solitude is actually seems more healthy till the situation is solved
>Solitude
Solitude - when practiced mindfully - is actually extremely healthy.
>Under the right circumstances, choosing to spend time alone can be a huge psychological boon.
>https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2017/03/the-virtues-of-isolation/521100/
When you can enjoy solitude, it also helps you be social. It helps you to re-energize and put that social energy into interactions that are meaningful to you.
Google charisma.
aint much charisma in depreciating and belittling other peoples achievements and goals senpai.
I actually have a similar issue in my friend group. I think the problem is that with these types of people, positive reception is much more powerful and valuable coming from them, therefore when they're an asshole 90% of the time, the 10% they're nice reels people in harder.
I don't have a solution to it, just an anecdote. One time I moved cities and left opened alcohol bottles with my old roommates because I was paranoid of getting pulled over during the move. I explicitly said I'd be back for it, it was hundreds of dollars in alcohol.
Asshole friend of my friend group convinced the rest of them I wouldn't mind if they drank up while I was gone. When I came back for a visit, I found out from another friend what happened and I was pissed and told them that was wrong, they agreed and apologized. I told them if they asked I probably would have said go for it, but the fact they went behind my back is what upset me. Friend told me it was assholes idea so I confronted him and instead of admitting to or apologizing about it like a reasonable person, he accused me of being an alcoholic and a cheap friend who cared more about that than friends. I had to get my other friends who were in the room to back me up on why it was wrong before he relented.
I spend less time with that friend group now and it's only slightly because of the move. But I think part of the problem is the other friends are scared of the asshole and don't what to fall out of their favor. If you unite them with an unimpeachable reason to go after the asshole, they will follow.
Most likely you are right. But still dont get it why the other put up with all that shit. I mean im mostly neutral cause i cant tolerate his shit so i keep distance, why cant the rest do the same, or show some self respect for the matter ?
Just speculating but most people are probably scared to lose what they have. You and I see the asshole friend for what they are where others might just see a difficult person they still like in spite of that. Meeting new people and integrating them into your group is difficult and time consuming. Some people just like the comfort of people they already know, even if they're difficult.
Because let's be real, the asshole friend is a manipulator. Nothing they say is ever too out of pocket, it's a calculated amount of damage that isn't too much and makes kind actions from them in the future that much sweeter.
The most correct move is to just not engage with it but unfortunately then you lose access to other people in that group. Very difficult to navigate unless you get everyone on the same page
this makes lot of sense.
the situation seems hopeless.
Yeah, basically how I felt about my situation. All I can recommend is jumping on opportunities where you think the room is on your side. However, if your friend group is like mine they have the memory of goldfish and won't hold the asshole to account no matter how many times you point out they're being unreasonable.
the people in mine is listening silently from the sidelines and gives 0 comments. if they get the negative comments they do not stand for themselves.
now that i think about its fucking depressing, but so far the comments gave me a new approach so i kinda understand.
>I actually have a similar issue in my friend group. I think the problem is that with these types of people, positive reception is much more powerful and valuable coming from them, therefore when they're an asshole 90% of the time, the 10% they're nice reels people in harder.
that only works when its perceived authentic and not some bit of game theory someone is trying to run a program with.
>Do you have similar experience in your circle of friends ?
Man, this is so far from a familiar experience that I'm not even convinced it's real. A circle of friends? But you don't like the dude, you say he's an asshole? So.. so why do you call him a friend?
And what the fuck is a circle of friends?
And how do you even notice that he's the most popular? What's that even mean?
None of what you're talking about is familiar to me, you might as well be a fucking alien species. I never had a "circle of friends," I just had friends. And I damn sure never called a dude my friend while secretly I hate him (and am likely jealous of him, in OP's case)
>because I was paranoid of getting pulled over during the move
Yeah I don't believe you. I think you left them on purpose as a test and you got exactly what you wanted-- the dude drank your booze and you got to start shit with him in front of everyone. Trying to overthrow the alpha? Is that how y'all think? lol
be a counter-asshole unit. in other words, be an asshole back to assholes. i imagine it's less that the people around him actually like him, it's just that he's the most socially dominant of the group so they respect him out of not wanting to get on his bad side.
that would be productive, but i do not have the required experience to counter his decade of experience of being a cunt.
Was part of a friend group like this for way too long. It was all sorts of fucked up.
>Ego with legs at the center of the group calling the shots
>Ego would constantly berate the others in the group, enforcing a hierarchy
>Literally screenshared tier lists he would make on Discord and rate the orbiters
>I mean, he was actually a little spot-on with some of the rankings but he was a chronic loser himself
>S-Tier
>Ego with Legs
>who the fuck did you expect?
>features:
>has a fake Brooklyn accent and tries to do a permanent Joe Pesci impression
>manlett with a Napoleon Complex
>military brat so he thinks he belongs to an elite class
>A-tier
>me
>features:
>only one who went on to have any amount of success before 30
>Chill Bro
>features
>Best human being alive
>Played like 4 instruments, was great with women (though he couldn't get laid for the life of him), overall humble and kind person
>Had to help his parents and like 6 siblings stay afloat in NYC
>(Probably would have gone really far in life if it weren't for that)
>B-Tier
>Designated Furry
>features:
>let people shape him like putty
>had an sexual obsession with one cartoon animal in particular
>was probably there for a boyfriend but none of us swung that way
>(foreshadowing)
>C-Tier:
>this tier was empty
>this signifies a large step down in quality
>I'll also need more lines and alcohol to describe what I'm about to from here on out
>D-tier:
>Virgin with Rage
>features:
>Throat crammed with his mother's tit until at least 25 (haven't heard about him since then)
>Father was a chill aeronautics engineer or something like that
>VwR absolutely despised his parents
>Talked about how they held him back in life
>Loathed their beta Christian values
>Main character syndrome but without the balls to act the part
>Manlett
>Some SERIOUS mental issues
>Guy would just pace around and start yelling at him self
>Somehow grifted between zoomer liberal and redpill
>(can elaborate on this if desired)
cont?
lol nice image. sure please continue if u have the time.
did you leave the group tho ?
thanks.
>did you leave the group tho ?
yeah, that's a story in itself. I'll tell it in a chronological order.
>F-Tier:
>Musk Jr.
>No, this guy didn't resemble Elon Musk
>He REEKED of piss
>features:
>Couldn't do anything for himself
>Almost burned his house down microwaving ramen because he forgot the water
>(at 18-20 years old)
>Guy got fired from a job where he had to stack cups
>this guy is the definition of a genetic dead-end
>apparently raped a guy we knew
>almost certainly raped more than that
>one of the two people in the group that lost their virginity ig
>could not get Ego's cock out of his mouth
>one time in uni I took a trip out that way to see some other friends and someone let Musk jr. know I was in the same state
>didn't want to bully the guy, he knew where I was staying and probably had guns
>Musk jr. insisted he hang out in my hotel room while I was there
>don't ask me why but I let him
>whole hotel room reeked like piss
>I don't know how else to describe this next event but him taking a shower to impress me
>he was in there for all of 3 minutes
>didn't dry off with a towel before putting on the same clothes he had been wearing
>if there was any soap used, its odor was completely nullified by the most horrifying odor known to man
>when he showered it would activate the ammonia from the powdered piss that this guy had seemingly rolled in
>also somehow incorporated wet dog smell
>I'm sure they had to quarantine off the hotel room after our stay
>Musk jr. pocketed packets from the hotel's breakfast bar
>went to meet up with a friend who was also too kind and let Musk jr. hang out with us
>he tagged along for most of the week
>his parents did not seem to care about him because he would be away from home with a stranger from the internet for several days at a time
>oh, he also didn't have a phone to call them
>buddy had a pickup and we constantly drove with the windows down
cont.
I'll transition away from talking about Musk jr. for now and go back to the group. Let me know if you guys want more Musk jr. stories.
>Ego and Virgin with Rage stay with anon
>context: I had recently found out my gf of 2 years had cheated on me and I kept the apartment
>Ego and Virgin with Rage flew out to be on suicide watch
>Ego picked up the shittiest import beer he could find on his way from the airport
>VwR is getting really autistic even at the prospect of drinking
>mind you he's 21 at this point, he had acted like that every time he was around alcohol
>got through half a beer before he started acting drunk
>Ego was kicking this guy's dick in on Smash Bros. while I'm contemplating death in the corner
>Ego keeps shit talking VwR and pumping him with alcohol
>I don't want to be around this shit
>leave the apartment to go for a walk
>Ego follows me
>Ego attempts to have a conversation where he's not at the center of it
>he fails in getting through the husk that I am
>starts to get irritated with me and calls me a little bitch
>he's right at that moment, but I'm not gonna take that shit
>tell him to go grab his crony
>Ego swings on me for the first time
>I just look at him for a second and take a step towards him
>he backs off and throws his shit to the ground before stomping off
>I continue my walk
>Ego tries to catch up with me to apologize
>tell him he needs to control his emotions for the first time
>next day
>Ego cooks an inedible "salad" using everything in my fridge
>(was poor and in college at the time)
>pic related
>salad consists of elbow noodles, cottage cheese, shredded cheddar, and bacon
>Ego put Virgin on the bacon and he burnt it past black
>Ego forces VwR to eat it with him
>I was already trying to starve myself so I didn't mind skipping breakfast
>later in the day
>my mother was really worried about me so we all went over to see her
cont.
>my mother is pretty much a MiLF
>she doesn't sleep around, but she takes care of herself and gets a lot of male attention
>Virgin with Rage can't talk to women that aren't his own mother, so he spergs the whole day
>Ego tries to impress and hit on my mother all day
>my mother's one of many in these stories that was too nice to ignore the tards
>Ego tries bragging to my mother about his accomplishments
>idk if it was intentional, but she reminisces about my accomplishments
>she didn't know she was 1-uping Ego on my behalf
>skip ahead a few years and I'm rooming with Ego and my gf
>he is an absolute slob and a drain on us
>was getting my first business started and didn't have time to clean the apartment
>gf also worked
>Ego decided he wanted to become a streamer
>tries to contribute with government stipends and donation money
>makes rent about every other month
>we're getting fed up with him
>apartment has gone to shit because he just leaves trash everywhere
>he snaps on me one day and tries to hit me with personal shit
>never let him roll me before, but I hadn't told him what I thought of him
>until then
>pointed out how he has to reign in and subjugate the dregs of society to feel like he has worth
>told him he buys into his own hype but can't even contribute to the household
>Ego swings on me for the third and last time
>(second time omitted)
>we kick his ass out and he flees across the country
>cronies flock to him and everyone but Chill Bro cut me off
>had a lot of friends outside of that group for years, so I didn't really mind
>they still tried talking shit towards me on my socials years later because I hadn't thought to remove them
>rent free
This whole story is totally fucked up. My situation isnt even bad compared to this shitstorm.
Thankyou for sharing the story, was a fun read.
it feels like that you are here to start shit.
please contribute to the thread
this one is for you
Contribute.. alright how about "stop thinking like a fucking sheep, you homosexual?"
thats obviously not enough.
please leave and bring your low quality baits with you.