Do people genuinely expect someone to be nice without getting anything in return?
That's a bit entitled of people to expect help without giving something in return.
Do people genuinely expect someone to be nice without getting anything in return?
Do people genuinely expect someone to be nice without getting anything in return?
That's a bit entitled of people to expect help without giving something in return.
Being nice should be expected in most social circumstances.
It's detrimental and a waste of time if there's no reward. True relationships are built on mutual benefit. If your dog bit your ass and shat all over your bed despite being nice to it for months without expecting loyalty or love from it you would kick it out.
It's exactly the same with people. The only reason for being nice is to place and investment in yourself, your community and your family. You will reap the rewards later.
Being nice without expecting anything in return is pure stupidity. I did that once and I lost a fuck tone of time and money. Stuff that could have been used to develop me.
Most people arent schizoid like u
That's not being nice, that's being a gullible doormat.
That's why "nice" guys are retards. Huge investments of time/energy/money with no guarantee of return.
Everything you said in your post is completely right and true.
To me being nice is when a stranger asks for help, and I don't want to I nicely/politely say no. If they throw a hissy fit over it I know exactly who I was dealing with and that they were going to be a cunt either way.
It's a good shit-test.
As for friends/family, I help without asking, unless they're abusive with it.
Define being nice then. If you're nice without expecting a reward you're a door mat. If you're nice and expect a reward you're not being nice.
You people are fucking entitled as shit. You want to have your cake and eat it. Do you retards really expect free shit and the detriment of someone else?
To me being nice = being polite. Saying hello, goodbye, opening a door, maybe helping cary a bag for an old lady.
Being nice to me isn't doing favors for strangers that don't give a fuck about you, overpaying on a first date, accepting disrespect and crap.
So yeah, we gotta define what "being nice" actually means.
>being nice = being polite
Slippery slope. My previous manager never said hi or good morning. Never even talked to me, but when it came to getting shit done her was dependable. He was a good manager in my eyes and the eyes if many.
Is he a nice guy?
Nope
He wasn't a narcissist either. You would ask him to get something done and he will get it done. You would ask him to have your back and he would have your back.
He was dependable. A true friend.
>He was dependable. A true friend.
No the guy you replied to but I believe you. You don't have to be nice to be a real friend.
Especially between men.
My best friends and I talk to eachother like drunk sailors - any outside would say we're 1 step away from fighting.
We don't even say hello or goodbye - just talk as if we were mid conversation when we meet up.
Being nice just means being polite, doesn't mean putting up with shit.
The peak of "polite assertiveness" is shown in Gone With the Wind - where at the end Brett what's-his-face says to Scarlett when she asks "oh noes, what am I gonna do if you leave me? Where will I go?"
And Brett - tired of her shit says politely:
"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn".
Even being overly polite as a man can be a problem in social circumstances. I learned this the hard way when I was a teenager, asking nicely and saying thank you too much just seemed to piss people off, they'll just assume you're some kind of homosexual.
>Even being overly polite as a man can be a problem in social circumstances. I learned this the hard way when I was a teenager, asking nicely and saying thank you too much just seemed to piss people off, they'll just assume you're some kind of homosexual.
Hah, yeah, I get that. Men don't really go much for being "nice" - but appreciate you being more direct.A simple 'thanks" instead of 'thank you very much" or a simple "my bad" instead of "I'm so sorry".
Being overly nice can feel smarmy, or dishonest to men.
There's a great quote - fuck knows where from but it says:
"Women compliment eachother when they want to insult
Men insult eachother when they mean to compliment."
or
Men give each other insults they don’t mean; women give each other compliments they don’t mean.
Being overly polite triggers alarm bells because it sounds disingenuous. As if you're trying too hard, or lying. It's annoying as well.
Being a good worker doesn't = being nice
Most narcissistic people make good bosses
>Is he a nice guy?
No. Nice = amiably pleasant and polite according to definitions in the dictionary.
He's reliable and good at his job but not nice.
I understand that you may feel frustrated about a situation where being nice didn't yield the desired results. However, it's important to note that true relationships, whether with animals or people, are not solely built on immediate rewards or personal gain.
Genuine connections require trust, understanding, and empathy, which often involve acts of kindness without expecting anything in return. While it's true that being nice doesn't guarantee positive outcomes in every situation, it does contribute to building a positive environment and fostering healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
Additionally, kindness is not solely about investing in others; it also has intrinsic value. Being kind can bring a sense of joy, satisfaction, and personal growth. It can also create a ripple effect, influencing others to be kind in return or inspiring them to pay it forward. Sometimes the reward may not come immediately, but it can manifest in unexpected ways over time.
It's important to remember that everyone's experiences and perspectives are different. While you may have had a negative experience where being nice didn't seem beneficial, it doesn't mean that it applies universally. It's essential to approach each situation with open-mindedness and evaluate the context and dynamics involved.
Ultimately, whether you choose to be kind or not is a personal decision, but it's worth considering the potential positive impact and the sense of fulfillment that can come from being genuinely kind without expecting anything in return.
>true relationships, whether with animals or people, are not solely built on immediate rewards or personal gain.
That's what I said. I also never said anything about immediately rewards. I did talk about investment and an investment is a long term commitment with an expectation of a reward.
>acts of kindness without expecting anything in return.
And you would be an entitled prick to expect to be given kindness and not reward the giver.
>Being kind can bring a sense of joy, satisfaction, and personal growth. It can also create a ripple effect, influencing others to be kind in return or inspiring them to pay it forward. Sometimes the reward may not come immediately, but it can manifest in unexpected ways over time.
Basically an investment then. You contradicted yourself.
Only when you're schizophrenic you can see under masks of nice ppl
No, you're mentally ill
What do you understand by being nice?
Do you just mean polite?
You open the door for someone because the community will think of you as a dick head if you don't. The rewards for being nice is good rapport with the community.
Politeness is subjective and based on the community. Tipping for example is a sin in Japan, a nice gesture in Europe and an obligation in America.
>You open the door for someone because the community will think of you as a dick head if you don't. The rewards for being nice is good rapport with the community.
Gotcha. I open the door anyway, but then again I'm an oldfag and I like doing that. Then again, I'm from Eastern Europe and women aren't THAT shit here yet. At least overtly so they appreciate politeness.
>Politeness is subjective and based on the community. Tipping for example is a sin in Japan, a nice gesture in Europe and an obligation in America.
Very true. As I said I'm from Eastern Europe and while women here aren't the trad angels westerners think, they're not shrieking multicolor-haired cunts yet either.
>I open the door anyway, but then again I'm an oldfag and I like doing that
Because you've been brainwashed into believing it's a good thing. I bet you will get pissy if your saw someone not do it and judge them as a worthless person even though they pay more tax than you and give jobs to thousands.
But anyways. I don't think you got the point. Linking politeness with niceness is a slippery slope. Politeness can be an obligation or it can be a nice gesture. It depends on the community, but politeness wouldn't exist if it didn't have a reward system attached to it.
>Because you've been brainwashed into believing it's a good thing. I bet you will get pissy if your saw someone not do it and judge them as a worthless person even though they pay more tax than you and give jobs to thousands.
By that logic we've all been brainwashed into believing something, unless you're among the first cavemen coming up with your first system of logic and morality.
But anyway, I am an oldfag from Eastern Europe - who does open doors and is polite and the women appreciate it, which ties in to your second point that yes, it's socially enforced as a good thing.
Sadly for you, who I assume are a murican, it isn't socially accepted anymore to be chivalrous (not a m'lady boot licking nice guy).
I hate when people do something for you of their own free will then get mad waiting around for a "thank you". Nice gestures aren't done to collect good person points like pokemon, if you did it to help yourself feel a certain way then it wasn't nice at all. It's not expecting someone to do favors for you it's offering them expecting a return. It's shitty. "You're welcome" is also bullshit, it's still for that person to feel smug and good about themselves. The act itself should be enough.
I understand that it can be frustrating when people expect gratitude or recognition for their good deeds. It's important to remember that true acts of kindness are done selflessly, without any expectation of reward or acknowledgement. When someone does something for you out of their own free will, it should come from a genuine desire to help or support, rather than seeking validation or personal gain.
However, it's also important to consider that expressing gratitude and saying "thank you" is a fundamental part of human interaction. It's a way to acknowledge and appreciate the efforts and kindness of others. Gratitude is a powerful social bond that can strengthen relationships and foster a sense of connection.
While it may not be necessary to explicitly say "thank you" for every single gesture, showing appreciation can go a long way in letting others know that their actions were valued. It's not about collecting "good person points" or satisfying one's ego; it's about recognizing the kindness and effort others put forth.
Ultimately, the goal should be to cultivate a culture of genuine care, where acts of kindness are not motivated by personal gain or the desire for validation. It's about fostering an environment where people are willing to help and support each other without expecting anything in return. In such a world, the act itself would indeed be enough, and expressions of gratitude would be seen as additional, heartfelt gestures rather than obligatory social conventions.
>ChatGPT
fuck off.
You never know if you'll get something in return until you try it
You're arguing for my point. You're making a gamble for a reward.
I love gambling. Try it sometime
I already mentioned that you cannot be nice without expecting some sort of rewards. That's like gambling without expecting a payout. That would be pure retardation and you have to be an entitled prick to expect someone to be nice and not reward them.
>.
I don't. I'm nice all the time. I also don't expect to be treated like shit either
>Do people genuinely expect someone to be nice without getting anything in return?
>That's a bit entitled of people to expect help without giving something in return.
OP, I'm someone who used to see it the same way you see it right now. I lived and breathed transactional connection since childhood, for nearly 30 years. So do consider that I'm not talking out my ass when I tell you: You perhaps don't know what 'nice' looks like. That is why you think it's strange or entitled when you see people expect nothing in return or give nothing in return.
Why do I say you don't know what real niceness looks like? Because you - like myself not too long ago - NEVER learned that being nice to someone is a gift. It's a gift with a capital G, a Gift. And what are gifts? Unconditional. You give the gift because you genuinely want to express your affection for someone, that's all. Nothing in return needed.
When you expect repayment for your 'niceness', that niceness is no longer a gift. It becomes a debt. That is the core of transactional connection; debts, obligations, duties, expectations. Now ask yourself - Is it good to have debts? Does it feel good? Does it feel nice? If the answer is no, then it means your view on what 'niceness is' isn't nice at all. And it's because you hadn't been given genuine niceness throughout life. You were given the transactional debt version of it, time and time again. No unconditional love.
People don't expect men to be nice at all, if you are they'll treat you like a weak bitch and demand more from you.
>grandma tries to get your help crossing the street
>knock her out and shit on her face
Na that's just being a prick. I wouldn't help grandma cross the street. Never have, never will.
I tried go give my seat to a disabled woman once and she said no and told me to sit down. I was offended by that shit. But guess who got given the nasty look. Not her but me.