>dealt with meta-attraction by realizing what it is and consciously denying it. >0 arousal from looking at men

>dealt with meta-attraction by realizing what it is and consciously denying it
>0 arousal from looking at men
>basically dealt with AGP by turning it into AGAMP (0 desire to be a woman now), linkmoding and seeking androgyny is all I want

Now I am extremely aroused by the idea of me being gay. I have 0 atrraction to men, even manga porn with men in it makes me disgusted.
But the idea of me.. not being atracred to women and being gay sounds so hot.
It's what competes with my genuine attraction to women, attraction to myself as a homosexual, despite me not even being one.

How do I cure these brainworms? I've gone so far already, making myself basically normal. This is the last big step. Autohomosexualphilia

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  1. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    >I have 0 atrraction to men, even manga porn with men in it makes me disgusted
    >not being atracred to women and being gay sounds so hot

    how does that even work

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      I am aroused by thinking of myself being gay, but when I think of men in any detail in a sexual setting I feel disgust. If I look at even drawings of yaoi or even a femboy with a man I just get immediately turned off (and I always self insert as the femboy), which didn't use to happen like half a year ago.

      I am attracted to women normally but this competes with this weird autophilia and sometimes becomes weaker

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        I think after with meta-attracrion by overanalyzing what men are to me (smelly ugly creatures) made me disgusted by men, but the core impulses remained.
        So as I am attracted to being feminine but not female..

        I am attracted to myself as being a gay femboy, but I am repulsed by men and sex with men.

        At this point I can't even fantasize about it, if I just think about how men smell or look I feel disgust.

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        >I always self insert as the femboy
        I guess this *kind* of explains it a little bit but I still feel confused about this:
        >I am aroused by thinking of myself being gay
        What do you envision in your head when you "think youself being gay"? Do you imagine youself being a femboy with a big Greek demigod as your bf? Or is it more about the "feeling" of being gay that arouses you?

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          I always imagine myself as being androgynous, even when I fantasize as me being with women.
          And I am androgynous irl, for male standards, so I don't feel dysphoria.
          I've always found stuff like drawings of Astolfo having sex with women super hot too, and I self inserted as Astolfo (could never self insert as faceless male protagonist in hentai).

          (I know I am making a lot of porn references, I just find them helpful to describe how I feel. I have fully avoided porn all year, and even before I looked at hentai like, once a week or so. I usually just imagine stuff)

          The demigod bf part would arouse me before I dealt with my meta-attraction by self-reflecting and thinking about non-faceless men. But it does 'add' to it.
          The idea of being gay is so attractive to me. The idea of being... just different sexually, weird forbidden fruit. And having sex with men is part of being 'gay', but I feel ZERO attraction to men, especially now. If I start thinking about men having faces, a smell, a personality, a genuine relationship, my arousal ends.

          So... It's like over the past few weeks I have developed autohomosexualphilia

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            >The idea of being... just different sexually

            Oh, that explains it. I think I understand you a little bit better.

            So, my two cents, and back to your original question:

            >How do I cure these brainworms?
            And sorry for answering this question with another question, but I have to ask: do you *really* want to "cure" this? I mean you did say that you thought you were bi but then confirmed you weren't. Maybe you're onto the same thing rn, unless this has been happening for years by now.

            And since I think this is a unique problem, then I don't think I can find a definitive, 100% certain answer. I can try helping you, tho.

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            I think there is a side of me that does find it good to be sexually 'deviant'. But any indulgence in it makes me feel awful, unlike engagement with the straight side of me.
            I've completely refrained from letting that side have any control or dopamine since ~April, and now it morphed into this weird thing. I hope it just goes away.

            I do recall a time when... I had only straight thoughts for weeks, and I felt so good and relaxed, and then saw something like someone using the word 'gay' in a Touhou meme or something, which made me remember it.. reflect how nice it is to be without this weird paraphylia.. but also kinda miss it since it was with me for so long.

            I was wondering if anyone has experienced anything similar.
            Does feel good to vent and type this all out though, just by typing this and making vaguely coherent sentences makes me figure out myself more

            If I was just bi it would all be so simple, sigh

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            internalized homophobia

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            I thought so too and accepted myself but like... I have never felt any romantic attraction to men lol. And I find men pretty gross, genuinely

            Have you actually tried sleeping with men or women? What do you mean by "indulging"?

            Masturbation

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            Then try having sex and stop over analysing your sexuality. Experiment and see what you like. If you're not having sex then why does your sexuality even matter?

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            I don't want to feel like a mess and I don't want to just have sex with random people, and I wouldn't want to actually lead on women by forming an emotional connection.

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            Have you actually tried sleeping with men or women? What do you mean by "indulging"?

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      When you're fricked in the head it works just fine.

  2. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    youre just a contrarian.

  3. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    It's okay to be bi, anon.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      I lowkey wish I was at this point, and a few months ago I believed I was , but weeks later I realized I was living a lie.
      I have felt 0 romantic attraction to men my whole life. Genuinely not bi, I am sure of it

  4. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    meta attraction is a meme you dip

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      It perfecrly describes me and I have never felt any romantic feelings for men. Some do use it to cope probably but the term fits me

  5. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    The more you keep denying what you want the more postmodern your sexuality will become.
    Focus on what you want instead of what you don’t want to be seen as.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      I don't want to be seen as anything, I'm a very private person

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