hi all. looking for some advice. basically i was sexually assaulted a little under a year ago, and it pretty massively fucked up my sexuality. i’m bisexual, and it basically deleted my attraction to women, jacked my attraction to men, but i kept having a lot of casual sex with women (my rapist was a woman). i tried to go on a few dates with men about 3 months ago, but stopped because one of them touched and kissed me and i cried so hard i almost threw up because i felt so unsafe. however, i want to break out of this and get a boyfriend. does anyone have advice outside of tinder? i don’t use grindr. and has anyone else been in this circumstance and knows how to navigate rape trauma + being trans in trying to date men?
also bc i forgot to mention i pass and am like an 8/10 by cis standards
You deserved it.
This is a bitterhon post. Ignore this post.
Go to therapy. You’re going to be dealing with intimacy issues for the rest of your life if you don’t seek help.
i’m planning on it
Maybe look for a shy incel type who doesn't have a lot of experience with sex. Thst kind will probably be non-aggressive and easy to work with either as a practice bf if you're sociopath-maxxing or as someone you stay with if you end up liking him.
there are a lot of guys like that in my uni, but we’re not often emotionally compatible. emotional compatibility has always mattered to me a lot more than sex, which is why i’ve mostly ended up dating lesbians in the past. i would never treat a guy as a practice bf, that sounds genuinely awful to do to someone. but i’ll take it under consideration
i was in therapy, therapist wasn’t helpful, so i’m looking to get a new one when i switch insurance in july (my old insurance was shit)
Get therapy help otherwise you'll probably never get over your intimacy issues and push away every chance of love
but i guess my question is is it possible for me to find love in the meantime? i don’t want to piss my youth away
It's always possible, you just need to find someone who you can truly bond with, so both emotionally and physically, if you do then you can more than likely slowly together if they're willing get over your past trauma and be happy, what I did personally was a few tests, I'd get to know someone over something like a game or reading or something and if we bonded for more then 3-4 weeks without them only wanting to fuck then they were normally worth the relationship attempt, gl
that’s smart. would be nice to do romantic stuff without the threat of sex hanging overhead
what about it said that? maybe that’s a dumb question but idk. i have an urging to chase men while knowing i’ll probably be unable to reciprocate meaningfully. i guess you’re right. i just feel very alone in this rn, i don’t have any male friends and i’m craving like masculine support and protection. like a guy to hold me while i sleep or something because i have awful night terrors and rape dreams
It's better if you find the right person later when your issues are a little more sorted out, based on the op you don't really seem like you're in a good place for it. Focus on your healing process for a while.
I'm sorry that happened to you anon. As others have said my advice is to get therapy or some form of help before seeking a relationship fully as you might actually traumatise yourself more.
Of course, you could also focus on platonic friendship or a very slow paced relationship.
>(my rapist was a woman
all my friends assumed it was a man and kept saying they hate men and i just felt too vulnerable to refute it. it’s fucked up because my mom revealed she had also been assaulted and started going on this rant about how men can’t be trusted and i just wanted to curl up and disappear
Are you a transwoman or trans-men? I don't know, you didn't really explain it
if trans man: ohh poor girl 🙁
if trans woman: lol man up rapehon ur lucky a cis girl touched you
also it was a trans woman lmao first and only time i’ve ever slept with a trans woman and she fucking raped me
If trans-men I'd say, yeah act like man and man-up, talking about it is counterintuitive
If transwoman I'd say, be happy someone decided to touch you. Ugly incel man.
Incel man, you got raped by a woman and now you're gay. See the logic. Most gays were molested in life
Socialize with groups and make friends. Take thing slow, it's ok to not jump right into a relationship with someone. You're not "wasting your youth" or anything by living your life and building relationships.
Good healthy relationships that won't cause you to experience trauma take time and nurturing to grow.
i mean i have friends, a lot of good ones. they don’t want me to date all right now though
i was already attracted to men beforehand but ok