I'm 26 years old and recently started dating an 18 year old girl. In some ways she is very mature, in other ways it's very clear that she is a teenager. I have become very infatuated with her. We've been together for only 4 months now, but she is all I can think about.
Deep down I am also extremely worried that our relationship will lead to nothing. I have friends who are in their late 20s and dated teenagers and it always led to nothing. Either my friends would get bored or the girls would lose interest. It seems to me such relationships aren't really meant to last. There's also the default issue with age gaps in dating that I'm much more advanced in life. I make a lot of money and I can buy her expensive gifts, but doing that makes me feel like a groomer. Oddly enough her parents approve of the relationship. All my previous gfs just randomly broke up with me after three months, so I have some attachment issues. I don't like the whole "just have sex with her and move on" thing, I want a serious relationship.
I know these questions are sort of a meme and I know there is some dude who makes threads about this stuff every day, so apologies for that.
Do you think the age gap between us is too big? Any tips on dating with age gaps and do you think it's likely that the relationship lasts?
It isn't too big. Stop worrying.
It feels like a big gap, that's what other people tell me.
Was age a reason for it not working out? Are you a guy or a girl?
imo she also isn't super jaded. She is fun and laid back and she enjoys my attention.
This is when guys have their best shot at retaining a worthwhile female. When theyre older, have a good job, mature, and they find a young woman who is into them. If you can grow together it will last. That means both people need to be willing for that to happen and put effort into spending time together.
>That's what other people tell me
Ok and? You know there's no issue. You're just being told there is one by some people.
I’m a girl. No not at all, at least I don’t think so. Meeting online and him being friends with his ex kinda ruined it for me, he constantly criticised me for everything, and if I called him out on it he’d call me immature. Funny because I’ve talked to guys much, much older and they’ve said the opposite. Point is, the age gap isn’t inherently the problem here, it never really is, just the chemistry between the both of you. Clearly in my case there really wasn’t any.
>It feels like a big gap
the gap will get smaller as you get older. it's really not that large of a gap tbqh. you may see it as robbing the cradle, she may well see it as stealing somebody else's catch, lots of women value maturity very highly, one of my wife's friends rarely dated a man who was less than 20 years older than her, though she eventually married a guy who was "only" 12 years older than her. their marriage has lasted for several decades now.
just make sure she's never bored and match / exceed her energy
I was in a similar situation like yours, except reverse. I was the 18 year old with the 26 year old. Didn’t work out. Hope it does for you though
older male younger female are the most fun. female isn't laden with hundreds of pounds of baggage, haunted by her exes, and her vagina can be felt around your penis
Do you think her parents are above board? If so, that's a pretty good sanity check.
But the risk with 18 year olds is that they still haven't fully formed. Some are just one experience away from an epiphany that changes everything. That's just the nature of being young, when every new memory is relatively large compared to their collection of existing ones. I don't think you can really mitigate this, and it's up to you whether the risk of her changing is worth your time.
>Do you think her parents are above board?
Hard to tell, I've only spoken to her dad previously and he told me I'm always welcome to visit them. From that I take it that he doesnt mind.
Enjoy getting your wrinkly ass dumped later.
> From that I take it that he doesnt mind.
I meant to ask whether you think they're reliable people with good judgement. They've known their daughter for longer than you have (duh), so they have access to information you don't. And they also have practical life experience (including romantic experience) to draw from.
jesus fucking christ how did it not dawn on you that those 8 fucking years might mean something?
Not gonna last, pedo. She’s gonna grow up one day and realise you’re not the one for her. She’s young and thus still learning what she wants and doesn’t want.
>She needs to fuck a bunch of guys before she settled down in her late 20s
Just give her babies and quit thinking so hard about it.
I was 20 and my gf was 16 when I met her (legal in this country). As all guys with supposedly questionable age gaps say, she was and is very intelligent, and that intelligence is what kept us together. Stereotypical, I know, but we went 2 years before having sex so I'm firm in that belief.
So with that in mind, no I do not think the age gap is too big. Nor do I think age gaps in general are much of an issue. It's more able stage of life (i.e. maturity) than it is about the actual age. My girlfriend, when I met her, was in high school. I was halfway through undergrad. University and high school aren't all that different, but nevertheless I was in a different stage of life and had some knowledge about life she didn't have, which did imbue me with a kind of authority. She has said herself that our relationship would've been very different if I were also in high school, as she needed some reassurance about the place she was going, which a high schooler couldn't provide. I don't think there's anything bad with a power imbalance as long as the parties are healthy. But people stick by age because it's a good way to gauge someone's maturity. Had I been 30, it would've been different and justifiably questionable because I would not only be out of high school, but also through university and I'd have spent years working, and I'd be looking to settle down. The power imbalance would be way larger, and it would be much easier to wield it to her detriment. In short, it's not necessarily wrong, as long as it's a healthy, but she will change a lot as she heads through the stages of life you were in (contrast your current self with your 18 year old self). Don't intervene too much or try to shape her into what you want. Encourage her, be supportive, be loving.